Remember that little dilemma I posted about a few weeks ago? Thanks to all those who offered ideas.
After I’d had a couple of days to cool off, I started wondering why I was getting in such a knot about it — for all I knew, Brother Bramble had just gone through the alumni roster and written an invitation to any name that sounded familiar to him. Dear husband Posco had another take: that Brother Bramble had sent the invitation because he knew I would appreciate the importance of his Solemn Profession.
Thanks to all who offered counsel in the comments box. Father Johansen was kind enough to offer some advice by email:
I side more or less with the “make a polite gesture” crowd, albeit with a twist. I don’t know if he’s trying to signal anything or not by sending you an invitation. Chances are all he’s doing is trying to convey his own happiness to all the people who were significant in his life, which it sounds like you were. Chances are, if he’s gotten through monastic novitiate and subsequent formation, he’s done a _lot_ of growing up since then.
Since he is a religious under obedience, I’d suggest the following manner of
reply: Send a card to him with a kind, non-personal note in it, _through_ his
abbot. In other words, put the card in its envelope _inside_ a larger envelope, with a note to the abbot expressing your happiness about your ex’s finding his vocation, and enclose a small offering _to the abbey_ (I’d suggest $25.00), not a gift to your ex personally.
This would, I think, fulfill a minimum duty of civility and gratitude (after all, his making his profession _is_ a good thing), while sending it through the abbot would make clear that this is not intended to be a “personal” gesture. And, if you’re concerned about getting on the monastery’s mailing list, you could include something to that effect in your note to the abbot.
You can find out the abbot’s name and the address of the monastery (if it’s not in the invitation) by going to your parish office and looking it up in the “Kennedy Directory”. You may even find it online.
If he should attempt to correspond with you beyond sending a “Thank You” note
(which I think is unlikely), all you’d have to do is return his letter to the abbot with a note saying you do not want any contact from him, and that should be the end of the matter.
And that is exactly what I did. I used my very best stationery, addressed my cover letter to the Abbot, and mentioned that I would be praying for Brothers Brandybuck and Bramble. I did enclose a short note to Brother Bramble (though I didn’t have a big enough outer envelope to use the double cover.) And I did send an offering to the Abbey “in thanksgiving for Brother Bramble’s Solemn Profession.” I even sent it on time, on July 7 (the Profession was on July 11, and no, I didn’t manage to get to the computer to post about it and ask for prayers.) No response at this writing.