My liturgical wish list

Thanks to Alicia for the heads-up: Michael Dubriel is asking to hear what bothers us most about the celebration of the Eucharist/Mass.
I wrote,
What bothers me most? Banal Masses modelled after a talk show or other entertainment, instead of after the Heavenly Liturgy.
If I want to be entertained, I can watch TV. I don’t want to be entertained at Mass. I want to see the Mysterious, to partake of the Eternal — to worship in unison with the Church on Earth and the Church in Heaven. This unity is broken if we substitute our own little fads for the prayers of the Mass, or treat the Mass like the priest, or the choir, or Oprah, is the star instead of Jesus Christ.
But I’m feeling shrewish and irritable this week, so let me continue here:
Please, no more “opening hymns.” There is an Introit from Scripture. Let’s use it. No more “Good morning! It’s a wonderful Sunday and we come together once again to beGIN our worship in the Name of…” Please, Father, don’t patronize me by thinking I need to be “warmed up.” This isn’t the Toastmasters. I’m not here for your personality. You don’t have to make me like you. I know it’s Sunday, I know what we’re here for. Let’s just start with The Sign of the Cross.
Use the time saved from skipping the opening hymn to incense the altar, chant the Kyrie (no cheesy You come to affirm our brokenness stuff, please), and let’s sing the Gloria instead of saying it. Use a simple, sung through setting so the congregation can learn it more easily.
Psalm: Let’s use the one in the book. I know, dear cantrix, that you really like that setting of O Taste and See, but we just can’t do it every week.
Homily: –Do not start homilies with the words We all remember back what the nuns taught us in Catholic school… No, Father, not all of us do. Catholics who were children and young teens during the Council are now in their forties. Not everyone in your congregation went to Catholic school or is a “cradle Catholic.” –It’s true that we should not be racists, that we should remember that God loves us, and that we should remember to smile at our family members. It’s also true that there are many other points of doctrine that we should understand. Please help us. — Please do not order us to sing You are my sunshine, my only sunshine during your homily. –Not all of us play golf. Not all of us are edified or amused by your weekly golf jokes. In fact, it makes us feel… excluded.
Creed: Now that we’ve all learned to stand half a minute earlier during the Eucharistic Prayer according to the new directives, can we all follow the existing directives and learn to bow at the Et incarnatus est?
Eucharistic Prayer: No tinkly music in the background. Extra points for Father if he chants, and even more points for using Eucharistic Prayer I.
Our Father: Please, Father, do not order us to hold hands.
Agnus Dei: A little Latin wouldn’t kill us, but if we’re going to sing it in English, let’s stick to the text. “Priiiiince of Peace,” for example, is indeed a worthy Title of our Lord, but that’s not the Title that we’re reflecting on right now.
I so hope the new translation renders Ecce Agnus Dei as Behold the Lamb of God.
Holy Communion: Let’s bow, as our shepherds instructed us. And remember, Mass isn’t over yet!
Announcements: Would be better left to the bulletin.
Ite, missa est: The idea of scrapping a recessional hymn, and having organ music or silence instead, intrigues me. We could meditate on the last words of the Mass instead of immediately having the cantor intrude with the directive to please join me in singing song number such-and-such in the purple Gathered Community songbook: Let There be Peace on Earth. More silence, in general, would be a good thing. Our society is so yak yak yakalready. Let’s have a Mass that makes it clear that we being given a glimpse of Eternity.
On music, I love the idea of having more chant, and having it be so familiar that a Catholic can “name that tune” after just four or five notes, so ingrained that just hearing a phrase could bring comfort to a dying person.