Regnum Christi recently started a La Familias group in my area. I was very excited to join because I have been waiting for something of this sort for a long time. I have only been a couple of times, but I am enjoying reading about the Pope’s words on marriage and the family with other women.
Last week I think I stepped on some toes. One of the discussion questions was “how do we protect our families from evil in the world?” The answers started flowing out “turn off the TV”, “only wear dresses”, “homeschool”. Someone said “build a strong personal relationship with your children” which is the answer that made the most sense.
I have been struggling for the past year with the fact that most of the homeschooling teens I see around here in real life are not ones I would have my children around. Before we started homeschooling, there was a great deal of propaganda that if you homeschool, your children will not be troubled teens, will be smart and always stay in the faith. It’s like the propaganda surrounding NFP. “NFP builds marriages”-whatever. While I think there are always better choices, NFP for example, will not fix a marriage that is in trouble (unless of course the trouble is simply birth control). Same with homeschooling. I see a great deal of good in homeschooling which is why we do so, but not as a cure all over a relationship with your children. Not over putting parenting in God’s hands and asking the Holy Spirit to guide you in correct decisions regardless of how much “evil” you try to keep from them.
I do not mean to vent so, but I get kind of discouraged when Catholics get started so much on the “evil in the world” subject. I know I personally am never doing it right in many a Catholic’s eyes. I allow my children to watch occasional TV with Spongebob in his underwear, I allow my daughter to wear pants and the list goes on. But I just don’t think God cares so much about some of these things. I see so many parents obsessing about the evils of Harry Potter, while their teenage daughters are having aborrtions behind their backs.
My brothers attended traditional parochial schools all their lives. I think the way my parents raised them would qualify as quite evil in many people’s eyes. Yet they turned out the way I want my children to turn out. They are funny, down to earth, smart and practice their faith. Sometimes I think the devil puts up issues to distract us from real evil quite literally in front of us. I think that unless I personally develop a better prayer life and conversation with the Holy Spirit, those issues will always distract me from what I really need to do.
Just to clarify, I am not trying to put down anybody’s parenting decisions in raising Holy children. I am just vocalising the fact that there are many decisions I have made in the past simply to appear “Holy” to other families on issues that not only did I truly feel made no difference, but made my children feel “weird”. I don’t think that is what God is calling me to do as a mother. And I just get tired of hearing “I never…that’s evil, that’s horrible…that secretly means…” and I rarely hear “oh, that was so much fun”.
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Pansy, I totally agree with you. It’s nice to hear it for a change. I also get fed up with people thinking tv is the root of all evil and your children will only grow up to be holy if you homeschool. Not so. Yeah, the “NFP builds marriages” doesn’t fly. Yes, NFP requires us couples to monthly pray about whether or not God wants us to have another child at this time and requires open communication-both of which are good things, but you can’t build a marriage around NFP. I think we each need to discern what God is calling us to do with regards to raising our families Catholic.
One of the discussion questions was “how do we protect our families from evil in the world?” The answers started flowing out “turn off the TV”, “only wear dresses”, “homeschool”. Someone said “build a strong personal relationship with your children” which is the answer that made the most sense.
And how about keep praying and asking God to help us all build a stronger relationship with Him? Again, not criticizing anyone (else!)personally but from my own experience I know it is all too easy to start thinking, “Okay, I’ve arrived. I go to Mass, I ‘say my prayers,’ I don’t use contraception, now how do I protect my children from those people out there who may not be emulating my wonderful example?”
I need to work on the “in things essential, unity, in things doubtful, liberty, in all things, charity” business. E.g., personally, I can’t stand SpongeBob, but since you Pansy appear to be a faithful and informed Catholic, and I am not aware of objectively immoral content to this show I’ve never even seen, I will not consider my opting out of the SpongeBob thing for my kids necessarily superior to your allowing them to partake 🙂 But it’d be easy to criticize someone of whom I am already skeptical for doing so, and I probably shouldn’t.
Thank you!
This stuff rattles around in my head also. I often wonder if I am doing not enough or too much. It fluctuates from day to day and event to event and with the company. I know I try not to seem so overprotective with my mom, but that is more a problem with me than with being actually overprotective.
I am having trouble putting thoughts down, you seem to know what I mean though, and it helps to know there is someone else out there who thinks about these things also.
P.S. Enjoy FAMILIA! I just finished my four years this past spring and am taking my ‘vows’ to join Regnum Christi formally this Sunday at the Christ the King celebration! I LOVE the formation that this program has given me.
Jennifer Brown
Hi, Coucoumelle here 🙂
I do so agree with you Peony. There are many issues that don’t really make a difference. I can’t believe that wearing dresses is supposed to keep evil away!!! Like short hair for guys is going to keep evil away from them? There are some choices that are neither good nor bad, they just happen to be of your own personal style. I think the people you were with would think I am bringing up my children quite badly too!
Oops Pansy, not Peony 🙂
Hi, My name is Deidre. I’m a “returning” Catholic and as such havn’t participated in much during my adult life. What is “La Familias”? I am struggling with how to raise my children correctly in the Catholic faith. Despite my Elementary education degree I have chosen to homeschool using a Catholic program. We don’t have a Catholic school here. I don’t think TV is evil, I monitor what they watch and don’t use it as an excuse to not spend time with my children. I do use it as a babysitter while showering and preparing meals but have learned to pop in a video then. I found my son watching some violent Anime cartoon and it took about three days to return him to his sweet self. His poor sister bore the brunt of that learning experience. Anyway there aren’t many Catholics where I live. (overseas- military) and most of them have much older children. I’ve been keeping company with some of the Christian mommies- but I’m noticing some differences. I think one of them is still half convinced I’m part of a cult. What I think I really need is a class in apologetics (sp?) but am taking part in an adult CRE class. Really confused Father when I told him I was confirmed. But I am looking for any way of “re-educating” myself to be a good Catholic mommy.
Our local priest preached recently that you are suppose to be part of thw rold and not reject it. We have some acquaintances who are very serious Catholics but very odd. She does not let her girls wear short sleeved dresses in the summer or shorts and the like. A friend handed down some clothes that her girls had grown out of and this lady gave her back the clothes she regarded as immodest. My friend is very straight and fairly conservative so she was a bit upset about the whole thing as she considered thhat the other woman was judging her for allowing her girls to wear shorts and jeans. This woman has kept the elddest girl of ten very shelterd so she is too trusting of strangers especially men. Her daughter is too naive without the natural caution that tell you not every one is not trustworthy. Making your children peculiar and out of whack with the culture of the place they live in is silly and does not make you better Catholics. Instead I often wonder if her girls will become wild as teenagers after having such a repressed unworldly uopbringing. YOu have to exist in the culture that you are surrounded by and be part of the world.
I read on the Internet once an anecdote by a Catholic mother who always wore long sleeves. Her son — not sure but I think 10 or younger — saw her once at home in just the sleeveless shirt she wore under her overshirt or sweater, and ran into another room shouting, “Mom! It’s immodest!” or something like that. I think the mother might have thought this was charming, but I just found it alarming that this kid is probably going to have to cope with a lot more if he ever leaves the house after puberty without blinders on, and he’s already been taught that he should be freaked out by seeing on his own mother what is just not considered some big titillation in our culture: arms…
I’m with you, Pansy.
There is a lot of evil out there. But I think it is naive when people think that by specific activities or “techniques,” that they can guarantee a positive result. Yes, we can tip the odds in our favor, but there are no guarantees. It sort of reminds me of when I was a La Leche leader and new mothers would be devasted when their babies became ill……they had heard that breastfeeding was the way to have a healthy baby. Well, yeah. And things might be a lot worse for a baby that is not breastfed. But there are no guarantees.
And I think that applies to homeschooling, family religous practices etc. We can improve things but we can’t guarantee perfect children or perfect (earthly) lives for our children. (I have had enough personal glitches with the family that if I thought daily Mass, rosary, homeschooling etc. were guarantees, I would just chuck the whole thing….Praise God that I am not quite as simplistic as I used to be or I would consider myself – and maybe my faith – a failure.)
Well Pansy, I am totally with you. Some catholics, especially some who refer to themselves only as Traditional Catholics, tend to get quite overscrupulous on such things. I know from personal experience within our own extended family that this overscrupulosity causes one of two things: a) they turn out fine and see the overscrupulosity for what it is- overscrupulosity, lol, or b) they rebel. The latter has occurred in 80% of my own family’s experience. So of course in watching this, I have learned to try not to be so anal about EVERYthing.