I forget where I saw this (NYT — registration), but it is a scream:
AS I wash dishes at the kitchen sink, my husband paces behind me, irritated. “Have you seen my keys?” he snarls, then huffs out a loud sigh and stomps from the room with our dog, Dixie, at his heels,
In the past I would have been right behind Dixie. I would have turned off the faucet and joined the hunt while trying to soothe my husband with bromides like, “Don’t worry, they’ll turn up.” But that only made him angrier, and a simple case of missing keys soon would become a full-blown angst-ridden drama starring the two of us and our poor nervous dog.
Now, I focus on the wet dish in my hands. I don’t turn around. I don’t say a word. I’m using a technique I learned from a dolphin trainer.
I usually don’t like articles about “husband training” with that whole “husbands are stupid” vibe, but I got a kick out of this one.
After two years of exotic animal training, my marriage is far smoother, my husband much easier to love. I used to take his faults personally; his dirty clothes on the floor were an affront, a symbol of how he didn’t care enough about me. But thinking of my husband as an exotic species gave me the distance I needed to consider our differences more objectively.
I adopted the trainers’ motto: “It’s never the animal’s fault.” When my training attempts failed, I didn’t blame Scott…. I dissected my own behavior, considered how my actions might inadvertently fuel his.
I’m totally going to take notes.
My wife had to give up on it because I’m not trainable. But I can see how it might work, and if it contributes to a woman’s peace of mind, then she should go for it. There is something to the cliche that men are animals.
Eh, it MIGHT sound nice, but at the end of the day, i cannot live with all that responsibility.. the kid is irritable because I am not calm and don’t provide enough structure, the dog barks, because I don’t provide enough exercise and discipline, the husband is sloppy because I am fuelling his laziness..? Please. The day my husband spends 24 hours under water eating raw fish and doing flips as he propels himself into the air… I will consider it.
A light bulb goes on in my head…
Wow. Um, the key thing? I thought it was just me…
Actually, the key thing… is me. It’s not my husband stomping around the house because he can’t find his keys and noone’s helping him, (he always knows where his set is) it’s ME. (blushing)
The day my husband spends 24 hours under water eating raw fish and doing flips as he propels himself into the air… I will consider it.
When that happens, I hope you will also consider selling tickets! 🙂
My mom sent me this article, too! When I read the end (where the husband uses the technique on the author), I said to my mom, “I think I still would’ve liked a hug if my braces were hurting.”
My mom replied, “Yeah, guys don’t realize that a simple hug can go a long way.”
Isn’t losing keys a little different from being in pain (even if minor)?