My Spirited Child
My Fastolph is what
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka would probably call a “Spirited Child”. He is full of energy, inquisitive, physically strong, and verbal . I have been having quite a hard time with him. I realised as I mentioned before, that my parenting skills were sorely lacking.
A few years ago a friend gave me the book To Train Up a Child. The basic premise of the book is that if a child misbehaves, they should get “switched” for their wrongdoings. That power struggles should be sought out, and basically, the child’s will be broken (my analysis). While the Protestant-ness of the book did not appeal to me, the idea of not allowing a child to walk all over you did. I see so many snotty, spoiled children with no respect for their parents, themselves or anyone, raising children to turn out that way scared me.
When Fastolph’s personality started to blossom, I found that he was getting switched at every turn with no end in sight to his bad behaviour. I abandoned the method, but felt lost as to what to do now.
I recently (finally) got a copy of Parenting With Grace by Greg and Lisa Popcak. I have only been through the first 100 pages, but the difference in my Fastolph is amazing. You would think it was so simple. I cannot go into great detail yet because I want to finish the book, but if I can sum up what I have done differently, I would start with the Golden Rule. I started to attempt to treat him just as I would want to be treated and forgot all about this “I am Mother, I am here; You are Child, You are there!” stuff. Basically it is like putting the same effort into building the
relationship with my children like I do with my marriage (communication, service, love, etc.).
For example, if Fastolph asked me for something, and the answer was “no”, I would just say “no” and we would start with a temper tantrum. Now I make a point of explaining to him why I said “no” until I truly think he understands, and attempt to redirect him. “No, we cannot play that game now because I actually have no idea where it is. How about we colour a picture together instead?” Also, “but first you need to eat and get dressed. If you do not eat and get dressed, it is your choice to not play that game…”
OK, I have to read some more of the book, but the Popcaks are awesome in my opinion.