I allude, of course, to Burger King’s new corporate policy, which states clearly that mothers who nurse their babies at BK will not be harassed, and that other diners who claim to be offended by the sight of a baby being nourished by the means designed by God will be invited to sit in another spot in the restaurant.
The policy was announced after an incident in a Utah BK on November 8, in which a mother nursing her baby was asked to either nurse in the restroom or leave the restaurant. In giving her that choice, the manager of the restaurant was breaking Utah law, which states a business “may not prohibit a woman’s breast-feeding in any location where she otherwise may rightfully be, irrespective of whether the breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breast-feeding.” (Nineteen other states have similar laws.)
But it seems like many people think BK made the wrong decision. I first heard about the policy over the weekend, when a local talk show host desperate for some calls was braying “so does this mean she can WHIP IT OUT whenver she wants?” The phrase “WHIP IT OUT” makes me see red, so I changed the channel before I drove the car off the road.
Now I see that Michelle has picked up the topic and reiterates her lack of sympathy for nursing in public (much more politely, of course, than the talk show host.)
Let me first issue my standard disclaimer: Babies have a right to be fed. Nursing babies have a right to nurse. Nursing mothers have the right to nurse their babies, including in public. Nursing mothers have the responsibility to make a reasonable effort to avoid overexposure. I don’t care what they do in Scandinavia, nobody wants to see (warning!) this. (“Helsekost” means “health food;” this was a public service announcement.)
But really, is that what we’re talking about? I wish that people who dislike nursing in public would be more clear what exactly makes them so uncomfortable. Is it mothers who overexpose themselves out of lack of concern for the feelings of others? Then I’m with them on that point; nursing mothers should be polite just like everyone else.
But the vast majority of nursing mothers are not “whipping” anything out, and are not interested in overexposing themselves. In the Burger King case, the mother was nursing her baby under her sweater. With a little practice, most moms can easily use clothing, slings, and blankets to preserve their modesty while nursing a baby. Check out these photos (scroll down to the bottom) from the Elizabeth Lee website to see what I mean (warning, text alludes to sewing, nursing, shopping, bargain-hunting, and other estrogen-soaked topics.) Are these mothers really invading anyone else’s visual privacy? When I talk about nursing a baby in public, that’s what I mean.
Is the sight of a woman nursing a baby offensive, even if nothing’s showing? Is the mere fact that a breast is in use offensive? Is a nursing mother supposed to just stay home all the time, then, in case the baby might get hungry while she’s out and can’t find a place to hide?
Michelle wonders “….why anyone would need to breastfeed in a public restaurant anyway. Certainly doing so is going to hinder your own eating, which is the point of restaurants. Couldn’t you feed the baby before going out to forage in fast-food establishments for your own nourishment?”
Why would one need to breastfeed in a restaurant? Perhaps because the baby is hungry? Nursing hindering your own eating? Welcome to motherhood! (although one of the nice things about nursing is that, if the baby cooperates, you can feed the baby and still have a free hand to eat, type, manage other children, etc) As for pre-feeding, that’s not always an option — you can’t force a nursing baby to eat when he’s not hungry. Or you could feed the baby before you go in the restaurant, but find that he’s still hungry or thirsty once you get inside.
Let’s say you’re a mom with a nursling and a couple of older children. You’ve been running errands and are still a long drive from home; maybe you’re travelling. Your baby fell asleep in the car, and your older children fed in a hurry because they’re hungry and crabby (and come to think of it, you’re getting hungry too.) So you feed the older kids, get a bite to eat yourself, and turn the older ones loose to burn off some energy in the ball pit. By now, the baby’s waking up from his car-induced slumber and is ready to eat. What do you do? Let the baby scream in hunger while you round up the disappointed siblings, stuff their feet into their shoes and their arms into their coats, and drag them out to the cold car where they just sit there while you feed the baby, twisting yourself behind the steering wheel? Or turn your back to the restaurant, get the baby started, arrange your sweater so nothing’s showing, and feed the baby while the other kids play?
I suspect most nursing mothers prefer to find as private a place as possible to nurse, both to avoid attracting unwanted attention (“eeew, that’s gross, can’t you go sit on the john, tie up the stall for fifteen minutes, and feed your baby there?”) and to get a little rest and quiet themselves. But it’s not always easy to find a nice, private place. Nordstrom’s and IKEA are the only stores I can think of that have mother’s rooms. And then what if there are other people with you? Maybe you’d like spend your time out with them, to enjoy that nice dinner with your husband at the table you’re paying good money to sit at.
This is a life issue. Pope Pius XII stated that “it is more desirable that the mother should feed her child at her own breast”, and Pope John Paul II has also warmly encouraged breastfeeding, noting that nursing mothers need “support.” How do we show support to nursing mothers by chasing them out of public places when they try to feed their babies? One of the reasons women don’t breast-feed is that they think they’ll be tied down at home all the time. They hear people moaning about how unreasonable BK is being, and think they’re going to be harassed if they go out to run their errands or get some lunch and find that they need to nurse their baby. It contributes to the idea that babies are troublesome and unwelcome, and that motherhood is drudgery and an end to normal life.
Michelle notes that BK’s new policy states that if a customer complains about a breastfeeding mother, the complaining customer is to be offered another place to eat in the restaurant. Michelle’s comment: “Ah, the old “If you don’t like it, it’s your problem” argument. How enlightened and mature; the perfect example for young children.”
So instead, BK should offer that same argument (“If you don’t like nursing in the john or leaving the restaurant, that’s your problem”) to a mother who wants to feed her baby?
Pope John Paul II again:
“Even this brief reflection on the very individual and private act of a mother feeding her infant can lead us to a deep and far-ranging critical rethinking of certain social and economic presuppositions, the negative human and moral consequences of which are becoming more and more difficult to ignore. Certainly, a radical re-examination of many aspects of prevailing socio-economic patterns of work, economic competitiveness and lack of attention to the needs of the family is urgently necessary.”
I’m with you, Peony, including on the need to be respectful of others and not looking at nursing in public as a crusade to educate 60-year-old husbands whose wives bottlefed exclusively, et cetera, in what breasts are “really for.” When I see those Elizabeth Lee photos, though, they don’t really reflect my nursing in public experience. I could not latch my child on without some exposure or potential exposure, depending on who was around. I never got the hang of the sling, and the blanket thing doesn’t work for me, either. So, during latch-on I was going to expose that one part nobody wants to see for a very short time, and during the feeding I would need to be vigilant about keeping my shirt over the whole affair. So do you think people who can’t get it coordinated into an exposure-free event from start to finish should pump and bring bottles, or stay home? I’m curious because whenever I read this debate, it always seems to be the “Ugh, she’s whipping it out again?” people v. the “You’re offended at the mere thought that a breast is being used for feeding!” people. I cannot guarantee that my public nursing will never expose anyone to more than a thought of my breast (or that part of the breast that is supposed to be hidden, anyway.)
Since that was the case, I didn’t just “whip it out” in every single circumstance that I or Davey may have wanted me to. I would judge the individual situation for how awkward it would be for everyone for me to be exposed in that way for any amount of time, but the presumption was not necessarily in favor of sparing people any glimpse of what it took to get Davey latched on.
Btw, for the first couple months or so, I gave Davey bottled breastmilk in public. At first I had enough trouble nursing that there was just about no way to get him fed outside the home without a bottle. After that I was just hesitant to expose myself when it still took so much fumbling to get him latched on unless I had a whole lot of assured privacy, and he had already had bottles. Next time I’ll have more experience, so hopefully it won’t be that much of an ordeal, but I still don’t have great coordination. Just trying to establish my “not a fanatical boor” status here, I guess.
Preach it, sister Peony!
My wife has breastfed both our kids (daughter weaned at 13 mos., 9 mos. old son still nursing), and in public, too. The notion that she’s “whipping them out” is so ludicrous I can’t formulate a polite response. She’s discreet, has the “Motherwear” clothing that helps keep it discreet, and tough…rocks…to anyone who complains. Providentially, we haven’t run into anybody who’s raised a fuss. In fact, most people have been very supportive.
oh I was a mess when I was first getting started. For the situation you describe, I think a lot would depend on the mom herself and what she was comfortable with, whether that would be pumping or turning her back during latch-on. (By the way, by “blanket” I don’t mean necessarily the whole blanket-draped-over-the-entire shoulder routine — I’d just pull a few folds up behind the baby’s head, and that screened things off pretty well.) Your second paragraph in your first comment sounds like a perfectly acceptable approach.
Courtesy goes both ways. If a mom is making a reasonable effort to keep things under control, I don’t think it’s too much to ask for people to leave her alone and look the other way if need be.
I agree that the biggest hurdle for nursing in public is the people who don’t like the THOUGHT of breastfeeding. They’ll complain even in the mother is perfectly discreet.
I only nursed Zooey in public a couple of times, with the help of a blanket and a very broad-chested husband blocking the view, since the arthritis in my hands is such that working the hooks on a nursing bra is very difficult unless my shirt is completely out of the way. I was uncomfortable enough that I never could quite relax when I was nursing in public, so I always tried to feed the baby before we left or whatever so nursing would be less of an issue when we were in public. Did the same with Edyn, and I think I only nursed her once in public…only to have a trio of old ladies come over and ask to see the baby and then cluck at me with looks of horror when I whispered that she was eating for the moment but maybe later.
How come they were fine when they thought I was just holding the baby, but horrified once they found out I was actually feeding her? Is not feeding a baby just as important as holding one?
DM,
You know, with my first two I was very self-conscious with nursing in public and I never did. I also never left home and had a horrible time when I tried because I had a screaming child who wanted to be nursed, even when I timed it within a two hour time frame that the child may not be “hungry”. My second two I nurse in public quite often.
I *think* I am pretty discreet because I personally have no desire to have anyone looking at my business or even worse, any post pregnancy body showing like the lady in the middle of the Scandanavian picture. Guh-ross! Talk about more rolls than a bakery.(Yeah I know, I need some serious intervention for this vanity issue) Truthfully though, many people come up to me and ask if they can see the baby only to realise when they are right up on me “oh, I didn’t realise you were nursing”.
Again, like you said, it’s not so much I am a “fanatical boor” or am trying to take any 60 year old men to school, it just the kid needs his “mommyjuice”
Dale, thanks for coming by! Go daddy go!
oh Sparki, I hate those hooks too! Why can’t they be velcro, or open from the bottom, or something like that? What a shame about the old ladies. I never got clucked at for nursing, but once when toddler Hambet was loudly demanding a sip of my Coke and I let him have a taste, you should have seen the evil eyes I was getting from the old ladies at the next table. I wish they would take a walk down memory lane and remember what it was like when their children were little.
I’m surprised that there is any problem with this or that it is an issue at all.
Our parish is very traditional, and some of the women wear veils to Mass and some don’t. The ones who do look down upon the ones who don’t and vice-versa, which to my ears seems Pharasical and petty.
Similarly, there seems to be some tension between breastfeeding women and non-breastfeedeing women and maybe that’s the source of the problem more than any supposed public display.
I nursed all of my kids and did so for over a year each.I never had trouble in public thanks to the right cloths,and even the right bra’s. Yes there are certain items that are easier, but a general all purpose light weight blanket can do wonders.
Okay, I’ll bite. Give me a few hours to work on a post and I’ll consider the objections from the Voices of Experience. 😉
Sparki and Peony, the bras that I’ve fallen in love with are by Playtex. They don’t use hooks & eyes and truly are one-handed. I don’t know if that matters with arthritis, but I know it’s helped me with discretion.
The only comments I’ve gotten have been positive, whether from old or young (all have been female). I’m pretty sure a younger guy knew what I was doing at the mall last week, but the vague kind of embarrassed smile he had while trying not to look was heartening.
And Charleen, the right clothes can make all the difference, that’s so true! Lansinoh makes a really elegant lightweight cover that has a weight to hold it in place over your shoulder. Madeleine didn’t mind it at all, but her little brother has been spoiled in the open air. 🙂
Take a trip to your favorite Wal Mart on a hot summer day when the true dimensions and class of the great American public are on display. Compared to that the occasional sight of a “Oh My God Alice, it’s her Nipple!” nipple, with or without a baby attached, is certainly not shocking or disgusting.
Actually I agree with the Pope completely. When a society becomes so twisted that a mother nursing in public is considered improper there are major problems.
As for nursing mothers who gat a strange reaction when people realize they are nursing in public. The “can we look at the baby? Oh!” syndrome, at least in one case it was because I didn’t realize the mother was nursing and was embarrassed to have intruded on her privacy.
I still have a problem when 3-4 year olds who want a breast in public, and with mothers who provide one. Maybe it’s time for the kid to grow up in more ways than one, but that’s on the far end of the bell curve of this debate.
In short, as for “Helsekost”, so what’s the problem? To all the nursing mothers out there,
“keep up the good work.”
I have been in public before when my daughter has needed to nurse, at first I would go get in the back of my Expedition and nurse her. Now that she is older she doesn’t seem to need to nurse in public because she is busy looking around at all the new surroundings and stays pretty content while we are out, granted I don’t really go anywhere long enough to have to nurse her, but if she does decide to nurse, first I do take into consideration of the surroundings and what type of onlookers there are around, if I can find a discrete place to nurse that is where I nurse, but I will tell you, I WILL NOT nurse on a public toilet. In a nursing situation you want to be in a clean environment and many public bathrooms are dirty. So anyway, if I can’t find any close place that is discrete I will throw a blanket over my shoulder and nurse. It is a shame that people would look at a nursing mother in a way that she is being inappropriate. Something so natural but people try to turn it into some type of sexual gesture if the breast is exposed. My theory is, if you don’t like it, then don’t look. Obviously people are fascinated by a nursing mom if it causes this much of a controversy and people must not be comfortable with there own mental state if they are offended by this. Some of the body part exposure on t.v. and the music taste people enjoy should be seen as “unappropriate” verses a nursing mother.