Why is it so hard to admit you are having a hard time raising kids 24/7? Because it means you probably don’t love your children.
A year ago, I had a really nasty bout of postpartum depression.The most common remark I got was “well, it was your choice to have 5 children…”
Recently, my grandmother told me how she said to my father “even your daughter is smart, I don’t why she didn’t finish college, but she is actually kind of smart, believe it or not…” I am not sure the purpose of her remarks.
If I went to these family members who made these remarks while I was in let’s say medical school instead of being a SAHM, and mentioned “Oh yes, school is good, it is difficult, but going well…” which I could see saying about my life as a SAHM, I would get tons of sympathy, and praise for doing the right thing.
Not so with being SAHM. Why on earth would I mention I had a rough day when all I get is laundry list of how having 5 kids is about the dumbest thing I could do?
I am digressing to my usual whining about my family’s foolishness. But I don’t think I am alone in this sort of pressure form family and peers. All of my energy is exhausted on justifying my choices, and none is left for simple admissions of “I had a bad day,” without feeling like an utter failure.
You’re certainly not the only one to get this from friends/relatives/strangers on the street…
“If I went to these family members who made these remarks while I was in let’s say medical school instead of being a SAHM, and mentioned “Oh yes, school is good, it is difficult, but going well…” which I could see saying about my life as a SAHM, I would get tons of sympathy, and praise for doing the right thing.”
Oh, soooo true. And frustrating.
After completing an especaily crummy week, I really needed to read this. Let me just add, if you gripe to anyone about homeschooling, the response is usually, “put them in school, then they cannot (fill in blank)” that’s just brilliant, put them with 30 other kids with bad attitudes to improve theirs. Sigh.
Oh, I can relate. I only have two, with one on the way, and I get this on a regular basis. Grrrr.
…I empathise…
That’s why it is nice to have each other here in blogland. You can complain to me all day long, and I WILL NOT doubt your commitment to your children, family, husband, God, etc. Oh, the blissful relief of being able to unload without judgement. Anytime, dear, unload over at crazyacres. I TOTALLY understand. And for me, having 7 kids wasn’t my “Choice” it was God’s and I am just trying to to His will. But that is difficult to explain, isn’t it?
Sure is, Renee.
People these days have no concept of what it may mean to try and do God’s will, or what it means to trust him.
How many times have I said the same things to myself, Pansy!!
Mind you, recently I was at my husband’s work dinner (small business, only five at dinner) and the others asked me what it was like being a homeschooling mother of four. I said, it was very worthwhile, often difficult and that I had in fact had a really bad day that day. But I finished by being completely positive about my vocation.
I think we just have to be completely in-your-face about the importance of what we do.
In general, I’m only completely open with very close friends who are supportive and won’t doubt my commitment.
There are an awful lot of people who think SAHMs are somewhat “mentally ill.”
But, hey, they’re idiots who need a lot of prayer.