Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.
I know…. I am an introvert.
Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts.
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I`m married to one.
You`d never peg him as one, because he has a job dealing with the public.
But in his free time, he prefers to be alone or with family, and won`t go with me to friends` houses if invited — so I go without him.
Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts.
That’s what I’m here for, folks.
I am not an introvert. Not normally anyway. I enjoy being around other people. But I DO find certain groups and types of people very tiring, and if in contact with them, require some personal space and recovery time. So I can understand both sides.
Coming back again to thank you for posting this Peony. I actually spent part of last night awake thinking about this, and I have come to realize that part of the “mis-understanding” between my sister-in-law (my brother’s wife) and my husband is that he is more extroverted than I thought, and she is an introvert. He thinks she doesn’t want to see and that she is mad at us for some reason, when I personally see nothing wrong. They often come to our area, and my brother comes to see us alone, but that is usually because they’ve come because SHE has something else going on and he doesn’t. She DOES come if we’ve invited them for a specific reason, and I get along with her very well. I think I’ll get my DH to read that article too.
Almost three years ago, when we began courting, my wife showed me this article. I am an introvert, and she is an extravert. I am not antisocial, but I don’t do small talk very well. One big difference we noticed quickly had to do with thinking. Introverts have to think before they speak; extraverts think by speaking. In person, there are visual clues, but our early courtship was mostly by phone and email. She had to learn that when I was silent after she had said something, it was not because I was offended or had tuned out, but because I was thinking of what to say. I had to learn that the first thing she said might not be her final answer. We get along very well, in spite of somewhat different temperaments. In fact Myers-Briggs (for what it’s worth) tends to pair up introverted types with extraverted ones.