{"id":838,"date":"2003-10-17T21:00:47","date_gmt":"2003-10-18T02:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/moss-place.stblogs.org\/?p=838"},"modified":"2003-10-17T21:00:47","modified_gmt":"2003-10-18T02:00:47","slug":"struggling-with","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/moss-place.stblogs.org\/index.php\/2003\/10\/struggling-with\/","title":{"rendered":"Struggling With My Faith"},"content":{"rendered":"

A couple of months ago, I blogged about a sort of “Dark Night of the Soul”<\/a> I was going through and I am ashamed to say it has not gotten better, but has gotten worse. I am ashamed because I know better, that my relationship with God can only be repaired by my actions, ashamed because I know logically God is there and is there for me<\/b>, ashamed because I know faith is not merely about feel good emotions and the first time I am not “feeling good”, I am dropping the ball, and ashamed because the events in my life-well I have so much to be grateful and thankful for. Look at poor Terri, she was abused and the courts cannot even defend her, but have sentenced her to a slow painful death as a result. Man, I do not even have the words to describe how horrible that is. So if I know so much better, why are my emotions towards God so out of whack?
\nI was wondering if I am angry at God because of the events of the past summer (Gorbulas being hospitalized, marital woes and a bunch of other stuff) and the answer is no, not angry, but sort of numb. I think I have had a few breaks through. I have been very stressed over Gorbulas’ asthma. On Monday he came down with sniffles. I was determined to do everything I can to avert an asthma attack. I started with his nebuliser every four hours around the clock. I began with his Pulmocort every twelve hours. Three days after treatment, he had a minor asthma attack, despite the Singulair, Pulmocort and albuterol around the clock. I realised it is out of my hands. I thought I had control over it, but I do not. I was just giving myself a headache when I should have been giving it to God. Not that I should not do everything I can, but I have been losing much sleep over trying to figure out ways to avert another asthma attack to no avail. This may sound terrible, but I have been able to trust in God’s Providence in giving souls to me, perhaps I should trust in Him when it comes to taking them back? No, I am so not planning on sending any souls back to God at all, I am just saying that I can only do what I can do, which I will continue to do but I should leave the rest to Him.
\nI just have been so numb for so many months, I do not know how to get back to that. If a prayer can be spared, it would be appreciated. I think my husband has been at this place a little longer than I have. This scares me because one of us has to fight for the family on a spiritual leve, and neither one of us seems to be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A couple of months ago, I blogged about a sort of “Dark Night of the Soul” I was going through and I am ashamed to say it has not gotten better, but has gotten worse. I am ashamed because I know better, that my relationship with God can only be repaired by my actions, ashamed… Continue reading Struggling With My Faith<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,20,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-838","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pansyiana","category-prayer-requests","category-the-christian-life","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/moss-place.stblogs.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/838","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/moss-place.stblogs.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/moss-place.stblogs.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moss-place.stblogs.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moss-place.stblogs.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=838"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/moss-place.stblogs.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/838\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/moss-place.stblogs.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=838"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moss-place.stblogs.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=838"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moss-place.stblogs.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=838"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}