Let’s Settle This, Once and For All!

My husband and I got into our usual dispute yesterday, and I need to prove once and for all that I’m right, he is wrong. There is no “grey” area in this issue. Just black and white I’m right, he’s wrong.
He claims I am not a real Star Wars fan because I say Episodes I, II, and III stunk big time. According to him, if you are a true fan, even if the movies were a little cheesey (understatement), it was so great to see what happened after waiting all your life for George Lucas to make new movies. I say George Lucas should have left well alone, and as a true fan, I find the movies insulting.
They were horrendous. Why do I make such a bold claim? Here are ten good reasons to support my flawless argument:
1.Anakin cried all the time. I could not believe he was Darth Vader, but just some whiney skateboarder kid.
2.Little Anakin was equally annoying: “are you an angel?”
3.The pod races lasted too long. And for the record, little Anakin’s best friend’s name was “Kitster” which is a stupid, unimganinative name for a “kid”.
4.Jar Jar Binks. The only good things about Episodes II, and III was less Jar Jar Binks.
5.Padme was useless. She was supposedly one of the best rulers of Naboo, and she chose this guy for his wonderful pick-up lines? And calls him “Annie” at that which means she should be thrown.
6.The whole notion that Anakin became Darth Vader because he wanted to save Padme’s life, and then killed her is dumb, dumb, dumb. Does anybody buy that?
7.Bad dialogue like the “I hate sand. It’s so coarse. Not like here. Everything here is smooth.” pick-up line (see point #5) and overuse of the term “younglings”.
8.Jar Jar Binks.
9.The fact that Mace Windu got killed in a “hey, what’s that over there” move when he was powerful enough to defeat a single droid army by himself during the Clone Wars is annoying as well.
10.The big finale fighting scene at the volcano that we have been reading about for 25 years was lame!
Is that enough? Do I win, win, win?
I am sending the link to this entry to my husband, so I need to add the bonus #11 point: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy was better. 😛

8 comments

  1. Only 11? I’m SURE that you’re forgetting at least another 200 reasons! Here’s my own list to add on:
    12. The only selling point for Episode II when it was out on DVD was the line “Yoda-man!” And the scene itself was too ridiculous itself.
    13. WOW!!! You mean that Yoda and Chewbakka were friends!?!?!
    14. WOW!!! You mean that Darth Vader built C-3PO?!?!?
    15. How Anakin became evil “I’m so confused! I killed Sammy L. and you look like a demon from hell itself, but I’ll pledge my loyalty to you because you’ll bring us all peace!”
    16. Now, as a Catholic I can’t condone killing, but WHY DIDN’T OB-WON KILL DARTH VADER AT THE END OF SITH?!?!?!
    17. It’s just really sad when cartoon shorts made by the creator of Dextor’s Lab. proved to be more entertaining than the actual movies.
    18. The whole idea that Anakin was born from a miracle in which he had no father and that there was a profesy and he was the chosen one.
    19. Midichlorians
    20. See 18. OB-Won’s line “YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!!!”

  2. I’d be entirely in your camp were it not for Episode Three. As it is, I’m just mostly. I think you win on points, but not a knock out.
    Now, don’t get me wrong–Ep3 was not 4 or 5, but it was, after two misfires, a Star Wars film. JarJar didn’t speak, which was a factor in making it the best of the prequels. And Ian MacDiarmud as Palpatine was just great throughout–pure evil hidden behind a polite, manipulative mask.
    Oh, and speaking of JarJar–if you haven’t seen it, this is a hoot:
    http://www.bbspot.com/News/2003/01/jaromir.html

  3. Episode III was better than I and II, but it still wasn’t a good movie.
    I think that most of the problems in these movies could’ve been avoided if someone just gave Anakin a hug once in awhile. Plus, Hayden Christensen is a horrible actor, and the use of the word “youngling” makes me sick.

  4. Aargh! My comment got lost somewhere.
    ITA, Pansy! Complete Cheese. In addition to your list, I also thought the killing of Darth Maul was just dumb. The dialogue was terrible (“That’s wizard, Ani!”), and Padme was blah. And forget Jar-Jar (I wish I could!)–Yikes! He was just such an awful character. I can’t believe that noone copped on to how terrible he was during filming. I loved episodes 4 and 5, but greatly disliked episode 6. The whole Endor-Ewok thing turned me off big time. And the cheezy line, “Somehow I always knew.” or something like that was just awful. So really, considering my feelings for episode 6, I should have known better about the prequels.
    I can’t believe I spent years as a member of the LucasFilm fanclub for that!

  6. Well, If you are going to compare Star Wars to the Lord of the Rings,… yeah, LotR definitely wins hands down.
    As for Episodes I II and III, yeah they were cheesy. In spite of which I still mangaged to get some fun watching them… but they wouldn’t qualify as a movie that, you know, inspired me or anything,… not like the LotR.

  8. To say that The Lord of the Rings is better than Star Wars is like saying Mozart wrote better music than Niel Diamond. This is true even of the movies. The only way to enjoy Star Wars movies is to turn your brain off while watching them. Not that that is not fun sometimes.

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