okay, Mr President, let me get this straight

My husband is flying out of town this afternoon to attend a funeral. I’m packing his suitcase, and, since it’s the first time either of us has flown since 2004, I’m checking out the carry-on baggage rules at the airline and the TSA website.
So let me make sure I’m understanding this correctly: If my husband wants to carry a tube of toothpaste in his carry-on luggage, it has to be a mini-tube. Can’t be a regular tube that’s half full; has to be a mini-tube . And the shampoo has to be a minibar size as well. (Good thing I’m sending the electric razor so I don’t have to figure out how to pack the can of shaving cream.)
And this micro-toiletries have to be packed in a quart-size ziplock bag. Not gallon. Not pint. Quart.
And he will have to remove the quart-size bag, and place it in the tray with his shoes and keys.
And if he does not follow these instructions, he might be exhibiting suspicious behavior.
But if he refuses to take his assigned seat, and instead demands that he and his friends be given seats that aren’t all together but just happen to be in strategic positions throughout the cabin, and requests safety equipment that he doesn’t need but that could potentially be used as a weapon, then he is a victim, and those thuggish, bigoted pilots and airline crew need to get over their lyin’ bigoted eyes and go to sensitivity school.
Yeah, I so believe the government takes my safety seriously.


  1. Peony,
    It is spelled “thenthitivity.” The way you spell it is offensive to many people.
    Don’t let me catch you or any of your compassionless friends making this error again, or you will be re-educated.

  2. A few years ago, shortly after 9/11, when my husband was “on loan” from his Japanese government agency to the Foreign Ministry, he had to travel to Wash., DC for the trade talks on steel.
    He was traveling with an official Japanese delegation, with his diplomatic passport, with his Japanese name on it. He is 100% genetically Japanese (as far as we know), but…..has A BEARD. Well, more of an expansive goatee than a full beard, but it does make him look less stereotpically Japanese.
    To the great amusement of his fellow diplomats, my husband was selected for the “full search,” of his shoes (before shoe searches were mandatory, as they are now) and every inch of his luggage.
    So there must be something in the security handbook about “facial hair profiling.”
    Hope your husband made it through the funeral okay — sorry for the loss.

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