A Lesson To Little Girls Who Do Not Take Care of Their Dolls

About four years ago, we purchased Rosey Posey a My Twinn doll. For a few years each birthday and Christmas, Rosey Posey and Mini Rosey Posey would receive a matching outfit complete with shoes and so on. I am wondering if the doll was more of a choice for Mom than Rosey Posey because more often than not, the doll is lying on my daughter’s bedroom floor, her head backwards, hair all askew and not in one of her lovely little outfits, but her hospital gown (if you send the doll for any repairs, which we have done, they send it back in a hospital gown). The doll always looks as though it was out all night partying and has been admitted to the psychiatric ward. My brother, the one who I just wrote about who ran away to Sam Goody’s at age eight, decided to teach my daughter a lesson by telling her what the consequences of allowing Mini Rosey Posey to lay around on the bedroom floor looking disheveled are. Warning:This is really pointless and silly stuff, so if you are not a fan of pointless and silly, I suggest you skip this.

I think it may be a good idea for you to stop Mini Rosey Posey from going to these parties and getting wasted (she’s probably drunk out of her mind, passed out on the floor right now). I’m worried for her health. Just remember this: when she asks you for your car keys, just say no! She’s gonna get in a fatal car accident, and it would all be your fault. Then, you’d have to live with the guilt of being responsible for her death. When that happens, you’ll try to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. You’ll ALMOST succeed, but a strange guy named “The Leader” is going to save you and help you to realize the value of your life by making you a member of his cult. This cult is a group of people who live on a mountain in Colorado, residing in underground huts. You will make a pledge to eat nothing but dirt and goats, but in order to kill the goats for food, you will have to use your bare hands, because “The Leader” doesn’t believe in using metal or wooden tools to kill goats. The cult will refer to you as “Wrestles With Goats.” Eventually, you’ll realize that this is a stupid cult and become a bum on the streets of Boise, Idaho, living off of the kindness of strangers and stolen apples. Then, you’re gonna get a job working in a bowling alley, but not until you start smoking and your voice changes, because you can’t work at a bowling alley unless it sounds like you have been smoking for your whole life. Upon quitting your job at the bowling alley, you’ll buy clothes from 1986, make your hair really frizzy and move to Voorheesville, working at the SuperValu. In your spare time, you’ll become a bus driver, and you’ll forever be known as “Peggy.” And this will all happened because you let Mini Rosey Posey have the keys to the Cadillac. So please take my advice. You don’t want to become a Voorheesville woman.

3 comments

  1. I Love It.
    I may have to print this out and give it to my Bridget, though it is a bit on the late side. About 12 years ago, I gave her a Kirsten doll and a bunch of the (cute but exhorbitantly priced) accessories. In the two minutes I left them alone – so I could get dressed for Christmas morning Mass – Bridget unbraided Kirsten’s hair. And she’s been on the slipperyslope to floozyville eversince. Bridget is now 21 and I’m still contemplating scraping together the cash to send Kirsten in for a head replacement procedure. Or maybe I should just wait until Bridget has a little girl of her own….and then we can do a little experiment….

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