March 2003 Archives

An interesting article about the younger generations leaning towards more of an Pro-Life attitude.
Thank you to HMS Blog for the link. Greg Popcak states:

"The people I associate with in town are pro-choice, so I'm troubled — where do these kids come from?"  MORE

I'll tell you where these kids come from.  Watching their parents kill off two generations of their bothers, sisters, and peers and the cavalier, Velvet Culture of Death (to paraphrase my reader below) that has developed as a result.

Ain't that the truth!

Right near my house!
Pro-life Guy talks about the Feminist for Life Billboards. We have passed them a few times and I have been very impressed. I was a member of FFL years ago (not active because their events were always very far away), now I want become a member again.

One billboard has a picture of Patricia Heaton and states :

"Women deserve better than abortion."

The other says something like:

"Abortion has two victims, one dead. One wounded."

I cannot remember the exact phrasing.
What is so funny, is here I am in the far reaches of Albany, and I have asked a bunch of my fellow Catholics in real life "Have you seen those neat FFL billboards?" and everyone says "no", "uh uh", "no, what do they say?" "nope, haven't seen 'em". I start reading around St. Blog's and they are mentioned. Too funny.

Mass picnic baskets
I agree with your blog about cry rooms. I will add one more criticism, they always reek of old cheerios. I never understand why people feel the need to feed kids during Mass. Especially when we are supposed to fast before receiving Communion."Look, it's Jesus up there on the Altar-have a Pop Tart." I don't know.

I'm not laughing
I can hear people outside scraping snow and ice off their cars. In all fairness, we do usually get a last snow storm in April, but it is so weird how that occurs after some nice jacket-wearing and going-out-for-ice-cream weather. I guess "fairness" really hasn't got much to do with it.

Out of sorts

It's snowing, first of all; big, fat, wet white flakes. Weren't we done with winter? (Stop laughing, Pansy.) My jonquils, which just popped out yesterday all jaunty and yellow, are hanging their heads in defeat. I planted two lavender plants in the front on Thursday; I ran out this morning and covered them, so I hope they make it okay.

Hambet was awful in Mass this morning, and alas, I wasn't much better. We went to a different church today and got there a little early. I tried walking him around the church to try to get the wiggles out and satisfy his curiosity. He liked the tour, but it did nothing for his behavior -- we were in the cry room before Mass even started.

Have I blogged before about how I dislike cry rooms? Some people seem to treat them like private luxury boxes at the sports arena -- the children are allowed to run wild while the adults skip the responses for Mass or even chat with each other. This morning the other little person in the room was a young lady who seemed to be about three or four, and who colored in perfect silence throughout the Mass. Her parents had packed a nice little picnic for her; when Hambet saw the sippy cup come out, he assumed there was one for him too, and loudly protested when he found out that wasn't the case. I ended up having to remove him from the cry room several times, and was feeling pretty angry and frustrated -- and easily irritated by all the pinpricks of a suburban "Mass factory" parish: the cheesy music, the priest's endless ad-lib annotations and revisions to the Missal (no golf jokes in the homily, though, Deo gratias) and the stampede out the doors after Communion.

Birthday Celebration
Rosey-Posey had a really great time at her roller skating party. At least that was the impression I got when she kept coming up to me, putting her hands together and saying "Oh Mommy, this is the best party ever! Thank you sooo so much for this wonderful birthday!" (And yes, she does talk like that, in hyperbole, all the time.)

Many of the children were first time roller skaters, they fell a lot, but seemed to have heaps good fun. My three year old was hysterical, roller skates in all directions. God bless him, he fell a gazillion times but refused to give up trying the four hours we were there.

Rosey-Posey got some pretty cool gifts also. A Princess Bride Barbie, What's Her Face doll, a craft set, a beautiful version of The Little Mermaid and Anne of the Green Gables, and to top it all off a Fuschia Gameboy Advance.

The Gameboy is really cool because it hooks up to the Gamecube and you can play Zelda or Metroid Prime on it. I think Nintendo should give us stock or something. There is not a room in our house which is not Nintend-ensified. I even have an IZEK Singer sewing machine which hooks up to a Gameboy Color to program the stitches. Even though I am telling you all this, I am not sure this is something to be proud of...

Also, the cake was awesome. I was very sad because Peony does not live close by, and could not do one of her awesome custom made cakes for us. But if we had to have second runner up, the cake we got was really lovely. It was from a local bakery called Vanilla Bean, and they decorated it-let me just say when we took it out, everyone gasped and commented how beautiful it was.

It was really a fun day overall. I thank God for blessing us with such nice times.

Veggie Madness

"Now the moral of this story
is the point we hope we made:
If you go a little loopy,
better keep your nurse well paid!"

From "The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps"

On Pansy's encouragement I have continued to investigate the Veggie Tales. I checked out two Veggie videos from the library -- The End of Silliness? and The Ultimate Silly Song Countdown. They seem to be growing on Hambet. They're certainly growing on me (although I did find myself staring at the ceiling at 5:30 this morning with "Barbara Manatee" singing in my head.) These vegetables have a wider range of expression than many Hollywood stars do.

I wish there were Catholic videos available that were this well done.

For the record, some of my other favorite Silly Songs are "The Cucumber Song", "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything", and "My High Silk Hat."

I made waffles for breakfast this morning.
That is the usual Saturday protocol. I topped it with Vermont Maid brand syrup: "The taste New England loves." distributed by B & G, Roseland, NJ.

Aw, shucks.

William Luse has some nice words for our blog over at Apologia. Since we can't send him cookies we added Apologia to the blogroll. (I so want to go mining around in those archives. Here's a treat I came across right away:

We are not sent into this world for nothing; we are not born at random; we are not here that we may go to bed at night and get up in the morning, toil for our bread, eat and drink, laugh and joke, sin when we have a mind, and reform when we are tired of sinning, rear a family and die. --Cardinal Newman

Two Sleepy Mommies has been up for about two months now. I am still astonished and gratified that people stop by. Thanks to all!

"Tee hee, Thank You."
That is what my daughter said when she saw your "Happy Birthday."
I cannot believe she is 10. I remember when she was born like it was yesterday. It was at the Familyborn Birth Center (which is no longer there). She was born at 9.20 PM and was 8 pounds, 1 ounce, 20 inches and 4 weeks early. It seemed like she was a baby forever, and now she's 10. I know what people mean when they say "she will always be my baby." Gosh, I guess it's official, I'm old.

Today we are having a party for her at a local roller rink with some of her homeschooling friends. There will be cake and pizza.

I haven't been to a roller rink in years-I think since the 80's. Man I just keep getting older. I am going to stop writing this blog while I'm still ahead.

up with the birds for some reason, while Hambet snoozes upstairs. I've been full of energy this week, no doubt because I've been outside getting some exercise. It's a cool, grey, drizzly morning.

My husband made a quick call last night; the connection was terrible, I could barely hear him, but it sounds like he's having a good retreat.

Remember I mentioned attending a wedding earlier this month? The bride will never see the Purgatory for Procrastinators. In the four weeks since her wedding, it looks like she's been on her honeymoon, written her thank-you notes, moved to a new place, and -- as I found out yesterday -- been deployed to Kuwait.

Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday to You!

Happy Birthday ROSEY-POSEY.....
Happy Birthday to You!

Double digits!

Friday evening

Preheating the oven for dinner (frozen pizza.) Today went fast. Hambet hasn't asked about Daddy yet, but he's a little out of sorts and did not have a good morning in class (tears for the Hello Song again!)

I did get some digging done in the garden and finished the first bed (the southeast one, future home of lettuce, carrots, spinach, and rosemary.) Hambet had fun just trotting around with a trowel full of dirt. Made a quick dash to KMart this evening; I was looking for seeds for creeping thyme to plant between my stepping stones. Martha (Martha Stewart brand seeds) didn't seem to have that, but she did have a couple of varieties of eggplant. Now, dh insists he doesn't like eggplant and I haven't cooked it since I was in college, so I hadn't planned on putting any in. But Martha had seeds for an heirloom variety of eggplant where the fruits are little and white -- like eggs. I couldn't resist. This is insane -- I am now buying vegetable seeds simply because they look CUTE.

Peony's Friday Five: UPDATED

nothing terribly enlightening this week.

1. What was your most memorable moment from the last week? Going to the library this week with Hambet sacked out on my shoulder the whole time. (It hasn't been a big week for memorable moments.) UPDATE:Make that Hambet's attempt to make the Sign of the Cross tonight -- his best effort yet! Head, chest, left shoulder, then folded hands, while saying, "Fa'er, Son, ah-MEN!"

2. What one person touched your life this week? How about my husband and child?

3. How have you helped someone this week? I packed my husband's suitcase for him.

4. What one thing do you need to get done by this time next week? Pay the mortgage.

5. What one thing will you do over the next seven days to make your world a better place? Pray for peace.

I do not know if you have been reading Ashli, but she's on fire this week...

My brother is very upset
He is a freshman at University of Buffalo. His first choice was Steubanville because of the Catholic environment, but his major is Aerospace Engineering and Mechanical Engineering, so everyone figured UB was a better choice.

So to counteract being a Catholic at a non-Catholic school he started hanging out at his school's Newman Center .

He was upset because they brought in guest speakers from Call to Action on Wednesday. He said he was upset for the obvious reasons, but I think one of the things that is upsetting about a situation like this is the heterodox faction has no tolerance for those of us who really just want to go to places labeled "Catholic" and just be Catholic. They just know that all of us feel "imprisoned" by the medieval Church and are waiting for someone to ordain a woman somewhere to "empower" us. And they certainly do not realise that when we go to a place to worship, or to "fellowship" among other Catholics, that we feel betrayed when they use places of comfort to further their own agendas.

One of the things I like about St.Blog's is reading how people really love their families.
In real life, people are always complaining about their families and trying to get away from them. The men go out for beers after work, the couples go away to get away from the kids, the wives go to Ladies Night to get away from the husbands and kids...It is refreshing to read people saying nice and loving things about their families.

Victor has the sweetest blog about taking his son to the park which got this hormonally imbalanced breastfeeding Mommy all emotional and "aww"-ified.

And another thing: when I check in on 'Xander as he's taking his after-park nap I like to imagine him dreaming about the trips down the slide with Daddy and I hope that those dreams make him happy.

"...I think that what we are seeing over all is a reflection of a culture that does not truly value women as women."

No, society does not value women as women. Why would women in order to feel self-worth need to neuter themselves with birth control, instead of finding self-worth in what women do naturally? Why has child bearing become such a plague that 40 million mothers have killed their own children in their wombs? Why do we applaud Jennifer Lopez in her scantily clad shower curtain looking attrocities and hail her as "sexy" and "daring", yet are quick to judge a feminine covered woman as "dowdy"? Why are so many women cohabitating, allowing men to treat them as sex objects only, and why are so many men these days treating them as such? And of course, the question on everyone's minds today is why are women on the front lines?

It seems to me we have lost such a sense of what a beautiful thing it is to be a woman. God loved women so much that He entrusted one to become His Mother. We should be embracing Her Example, yet we throw it out first chance we get.

Don't miss this.

Drop what you're doing and check out Alicia's reflections on our society's disdain for women's gift of childbearing:

...Our society no longer values this (giving birth) as a worthy gift to give. Women are being told that enduring childbirth is neither necessary nor heroic. They are told that childbearing is selfish, greedy, expensive, risky, and certainly not important in an "overcrowded" world....I think that what we are seeing over all is a reflection of a culture that does not truly value women as women."

Alicia also mentions that she, too, is going on retreat this weekend. Praying for you, Alicia!

Yesterday I went to the nursery and found out that they had no garlic or rhubarb yet. Apparently these are imported, and all the shipments are hung up in Customs. Oh well, all the more time to get my beds ready. I started them exactly the wrong way -- I should have laid my paths first, double-dug the beds, and then graded them immediately . I also thought I could mark off my squares by laying bamboo stakes across the ground (two minutes this morning showed me that sticks weren't going to work.)

So more digging and leveling ahead, and spikes and string to mark off my squares. I am going to have a whole big pile of "extra" dirt and I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it. I did plant my very first square of mesclun this morning!

My husband is going on a retreat this weekend. He is leaving tonight and will be back on Sunday. Prayers for a safe trip and a fruitful retreat would be greatly appreciated -- thanks!

Diogenes at CWN blog states:

If you enjoy Catholic rituals, but not Catholic teachings, you might find the American Catholic Church attractive. There's an actual organization by that name-- distinct (oh, yes; very distinct) from the Catholic Church founded on the Apostles.

Yes, there is, and they are literally around the corner from me!.

Non-GranolaCon Mommying
My husband was all excited yesterday because he came home with his copy of Zelda: Windwakers. He and the kids all gathered around the GameCube like they were unveiling some type of jewel. They were clinging on to his every word as he told the children how he got to deliver the games to Electronics Boutique and when he requested his copy, the sales person knew his name on sight. Um, wow.

I have also been feeding the kids Farm Rich Frozen French Toast Sticks for breakfast because well, they eat them. I hope I do not have to return my Official GranolaCon Card. I have never seen them get so happy about breakfast before. Gorbulas finishes his last bite instead of throwing the food on the floor. My mother used to say "the corn chip they eat is better for them than the carrot stick they throw away."

Mutual admiration society

New to our blogroll:

De Fidei Oboedientia
Mallon's Media Watch

Jeanetta is proof that there is at least one Catholic in Rochester who's thinking about faith and obedience. I suspect Pansy can totally relate to her struggles. I certainly can; I went to college in the Diocese of Richmond. I was almost totally uncatechized and knew nothing about rubrics, Tradition, and thinking with the Church, but I still had a "something's not right here" feeling the whole time I was there.

Mr. John Mallon is a contributing editor to Inside the Vatican. I help one of the ladies from my previous parish choose books and magazines for the parish book rack, and every month this magazine sells out the first weekend she puts it up (while the aging hippie journals of dissent just sit there until their trip to the nursing home at the end of the month.)

Inside the Vatican is a sister publication to Canticle, a journal for Catholic women. So much good, thought-provoking writing! Check out these articles on mother-infant bonding. I've permalinked Canticle (and will be renewing my own subscription soon.)

I haven't blogged about the war
on purpose. Many people at St. Blogs have much more educated and thought out blogs than I could ever write on current events. However, what has been happening has been filling my thoughts and prayers. I have been watching the news in order to feel "connected" somehow. Like if I know what is happening to our troops, the significance of what is going on over there and what they and their families are sacrificing will not be lost on me-I hope.

I am also very confused because I was not exactly "pro-war" before the war and placed much merit in the Holy Father's plea for peace (I still do). However, now that we are there, I do not think the reasons for us being there are unfounded. This is the first time I have disagreed with the Holy Father on anything. Actually, it's not that I disagree with the Holy Father, but I also agree with the President. And, the president's reasoning is more obvious to me. I feel like a very bad Catholic...

Peony, I second your "uggggggh"

Today was not a great day. I am soooo sleepy. Gorbulas had a nursing marathon from midnight to 4 am. I have been fighting sleep all day. Then Fastolph dumped liquid hand soap on my bathroom floor. I had to wait until the baby fell asleep to clean it up. As soon as it was clean, he woke up-so no naps for Pansy.

On a funny note, my mother read your blog and said we should switch places for one day. I get Hambet, and you, er, get Rosey Posey, Posco, Fastolph and Gorbulas. I told her that doesn't seem quite so fair to you, but hey, I'm a taker!

uggggggh

not getting very far today. Poor Hambet is tired and irritable, but isn't sleeping well. He just wants to watch TV or have a book read to him. Otherwise he doesn't know what he wants. He's misplaced one of his slippers and I'm trying to avoid reminding him, since the last time he noticed it was missing ended up in piteous tears.

I have another entry to my Corporate Hall of Shame: Gateway computers! We bought our new computer from them last November and were supposed to get a rebate. Instead all we're getting is the run-around. They are telling me that duplicate rebate submissions cannot be honored but that they have no record of receiving my submission. I emailed them again today, and if I don't get a satisfactory resolution by Friday I'm contacting my county's Office of Consumer Affairs.

Well, speaking of piteous tears, perhaps I should attempt to balance the checkbook.

The north rows will be used for tomatoes, with (God willing) broccoli, rhubarb, and herbs in the middle rows, with carrots and lettuce towards the south end. The fence shades the east edge of the bed in the morning, so I'm trying to keep shade-tolerant plants on that side.

Mel Bartholomew also recommends including squares of marigolds and nasturtiums in the garden to help deter pests, so I'll give that a try.

Spring fevers

*sigh* I had this nice long post yesterday that has vanished! A quick recap: the usual Monday lament about how weekends are too short, and a short account of how we spent the weekend getting the garden in. When I get a new project in mind I go at it with all the moderation of Captain Ahab, and that's how it's been with the garden. This year we planned out our patch using the Square Foot Gardening method and expanded it, spaded in some peat moss and compost, and even added little walks in between the blocks with paving stones. We had great weather and made quick progress, so we are ahead of schedule. My husband graded the beds for me last night, so I am hoping that I can start sticking seeds in the ground by the end of the week. I have high hopes for our garden this year.

I may be scarce this week between the usual tasks, garden fever, preparing for my husband's absence this weekend, and now Hambet's (and my) illness. Nothing serious, but we both have colds and feel terrible. I have designated today a "loaf day" -- Hambet gets to watch more TV than is usually permitted and wear his slippers all day long (for some reason, he loves his slippers.) I get to read, start my garden journal, and maybe write some letters. We both get to snuggle together and drink all the apple juice we want.

Jeanetta of De Fidei Oboedientia mentions my parish. If ever you happen to find yourself in the vast spiritual wasteland that is the Diocese of Albany, St. Peter's (link left) is a wonderful little oasis.

Oops

Rereading my blog below, I noticed a great deal of grammatical errors. I did proof read it, but they seemed to have escaped me. Instead of fixing them, I am using it as an example. I almost did not finish it because I was interrupted numerous times and lost my train of thought. Sooo when you read a Pansy Blog that sounds basically like my brain fell out of my ear, it did. It is a side effect of motherhood.

Two Families

Yesterday we went to two birthday parties.

The first one we went to was of a homeschooling family. They are a family of nine in Sechenectady that are fellow parishioners. It is always neat to not only to have like minded Catholic people around, but like minded AP type people around. The mother asked where I got my sling, and I told her I was only able to find it on the Internet. I am never able to find baby products I really use in real life baby stores. "Yeah, practical stuff" she remarked. While my husband likes them, I think he felt a bit uncomfortable because each homeschooling family we know is at least 10 years then us.

Afterwards, we went to a birthday party of one of my husband's co-worker's sons. We actually did not know it was a birthday party, we just thought we were stopping by for a visit. This couple is a very nice couple, and I think my husband likes having another young, married couple around. They seem like they would give us the shirt off their back. I felt funny though because I had to guard everything I said because they are typical-pro-contraception, day care parents. At one point we were sitting at the kitchen table chit chatting and there was a pen on the table that said New York Family Planning Pro-Woman, Pro-Family, Pro-Choice. I almost screamed. I do not like being in situations where I may have to hold my pro-life tongue. Being pro-life is not merely a stand on an issue I take, it is who I am.

Of course the issue of "are you done?" came up. My husband's coworker asked "do you want more kids because your husband says he wants more, but I was wondering about you". I said "of course I want more". I am kicking myself because of the missed opportunity of evangelisation, but I really get choked up at the subject. I never know how to talk about the subject because it is personal. That and of you get me started, I will go into a sililoquoy into Natural Law, the Vocation of Marriage blah, blah, blah. The hostess then said she always wanted more children, but her husband (who was right there) told her absolutely no more. Another guest remarked that kids are too expensive. He just finished two conversations about the new pool he was getting and a new custom made Trailblazer. Things that make you go "eeww".

I know this may sound like a "Holier than thou" blog, like "can you imagine, see how these people think"! That is not my point. It is so frustrating that it is hard to meet other couples socially and while they are nice people, I cannot be around them too much because of the disagreement about what I think is right. Especially if they are pro-choice...I feel like I live in a bubble.

Story Time

If You Give A Mom A Muffin

If you give a mom a muffin,

She'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.

She'll pour herself some.

Her three-year-old will spill the coffee.

She'll wipe it up.

Wiping the floor, she'll find dirty socks.

She'll remember she has to do laundry.

When she puts the laundry in the washer,

She'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.

Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan for supper.

She will get out a pound of hamburger.

She'll look for her cookbook ("101 Things To Do With a Pound of Hamburger").

The cookbook is setting under a pile of mail.

She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.

She will look for her checkbook.

The check book is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old.

She'll smell something funny.

She'll change the two-year-old's diaper.

While she is changing the diaper, the phone will ring.

Her five-year-old will answer and hang up.

She'll remember she wants to phone a friend for coffee.

Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.

And chances are...

If she has a cup of coffee,

Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

--anonymous

Thanks to the Magical Childhood mailing list for this little story.

Book Corner: Time Management for Catholics by Dave Durand

I know Davey's mommy has mentioned this book before. I recently finished rereading it (sometimes it takes me a few reads to really absorb things.)

I have found this book very helpful, even when I apply Durand's suggestions in in the most haphazard way. His approach is simple and intuitive: examine how you're spending your time now, make a mission statement, set out priorities according to your mission statement, and plan your day accordingly.

The book is clearly written and easy to use -- with short chapters -- without being dumbed down. It's even literally easy to read, in the usual graceful style of Sophia Institute Press. This simplicity is one of the things I most appreciate about the book: it teaches principles that you can apply in any situation and according to your own preferences, instead of using an author's pre-fab system. I have found other books on Time Management to be pretty useless (especially the Franklin-Covey system) with their elaborate, multi-page calendars, busy diagrams that require another diagram to understand, and useless suggestions. (The main thing I brought away from Covey's book, for example, is "delegate it!" Which didn't help me, since I had nobody to delegate to and had plenty of people delegating things to me.)

It is full of observations and suggestions of the "oh how obvious, why didn't I think of that before?" variety (my favorite: the to-do-tomorrow list) and discusses ten "time bombs." There are chapters dedicated to personal prayer, spiritual reading, meditation (a very helpful chapter) and family prayer. There is also a mini-prayer book in the Appendix.

The Appendix also includes a discussion of why "Catholic time management" is better:

[It] emphasizes self-knowledge [instead of self-esteem].
I am a steward of my God-given goods, including time.
Sin is...a waste of time...
Time is a mystery and a gift.
Good time management is ordered to eternal life.

Even Hambet likes this book. When I first got it I had to constantly hide it from him, since he was (and still is) fond of removing the dust jacket and cooing at the picture of the baby on the cover.

New to our blogroll:

G.K. Chesterton's blog
Off the Record (can't wait to see what Diogenes and Father Rutler have to say! Thanks to The Curt Jester for the tip)
Our Lady of Loretto Carmelite Chapel Big thanks to St Blog's Carmelites for launching this blog.

Class report

Hambet did fine with the Hello Song this morning, but I think the tots were made nervous by the weather (we are expecting storms this afternoon.) Hambet was clingy, ignored the parachute (usually his favorite part.) One little person fell and bumped her head, and that set off the other kids -- for the rest of the class, they took turns clinging and crying. Hambet took his turn at the very end, so we spent the story and the Goodbye Song in the back, trying to calm down.

More nannies than ever today. One was there with her toddler charge and his infant sister. Another accompanied a young lady whose outfits probably cost the same as my weekly grocery bill. One of them was chatting with me before class, she casually asked, "so are you going to have another kid, do you think?"

Now, I know she didn't mean anything by it, but it was just so depressing. That question always kind of shakes me anyway, because the answer is "I can only hope so." The fact that people now think nothing of asking such a personal question is depressing enough, but her tone was exactly the same as if she were asking if I were planning on buying another pair of sneakers, or signing up for another class. There is an unspoken assumption among some people I meet that the second child is like an optional luxury upgrade to the family, like getting a sunroof on your car. And if you have a third child, you may as well have a sitcom based on your life, since your family is so incredibly huge.

Peony's Friday Five

1. If you had the chance to meet someone you've never met, from the past or present, who would it be?

G.K.Chesterton.

2. If you had to live in a different century, past or future, which would it be?

Oh, I don't know. Probably the nineteenth. These vague questions don't do much for me.

3. If you had to move anywhere else on Earth, where would it be?

Yet another unanswerable. Someplace near water -- maybe the Great Lakes. My husband and I really liked Michigan when we were there last year.

4. If you had to be a fictional character, who would it be?

Elizabeth Bennett

5. If you had to live with having someone else's face as your own for the rest of your life, whose would it be?

Isabella Rossellini's would do.

Alicia links to us and offers some good comments on the current discussion!

Peony, your blog had me thinking (uh oh-is that a good thing?)

Did the social changes of the sixties help get us into this pickle? The radical feminists told us that women were oppressed by staying home. Women entered the labor market in huge numbers, and that surely must have driven down wages for everyone.

It is taking more and more secondary education for people to basically keep their heads above water these days. I wonder if that has to do with the competition of women as well as men for the same jobs. Sadly, I think it is unrealistic to expect everyone to wait until they are like 28 to enter a vocation of marriage, but it seems that must be done to earn a decent living in many parts of the country.

The other thing is if you have a man with a family or a woman who would be bringing in a second income competing for the same job, is it more moral to give the job to the man? I personally say "yes" but discrimination laws (which are needed) would say "no". I think laws aside, I wonder if there was a time when there were more SAHMs it was understood that a husband supporting a family would need the job more...

Now what?

Why is it I cannot see the comments on IE, but only on Netscape. I'm so confused...

Our unjust economy

Pansy, thanks for posting from Rerum Novarum. The Church's social teaching is so rich, and so little known. I wish I had time to research and post more on the just wage, but I just can't do it today. I apologize in advance for this very off-the-cuff post.....

There are so many injustices in the mix when families truly can't afford to have a parent at home with their children. Is the breadwinner not being paid enough? There is a great quote on this (I think in Rerum Novarum), something to the effect of "if the worker is not paid justly for his labor, what's he supposed to do?" Jobs are growing more and more uncertain, and it's getting harder and harder to find work (particularly if you don't have a college education.) Those who have vocations to marriage and parenthood have the right to live them out. Children have the right to their mothers' milk and their parents' care.

Of course, we also have responsibilities. We have the responsibility to conceive our children in the protective covenant of marriage. We have the responsiblity to go to school and develop our skills and talents. And we have the responsibility to make sure that our needs and the needs of our families are met before we pursue our wants.

Did the social changes of the sixties help get us into this pickle? The radical feminists told us that women were oppressed by staying home. Women entered the labor market in huge numbers, and that surely must have driven down wages for everyone. Business must love having all that cheap labor -- plus the increased demand for provision of goods and services that were previously provided by SAHMs, plus the increased demand for "stuff" from people who had more money to spend (or thought they did.) The problem feeds on itself as the high number of two-income families drives up the cost of living, especially the cost of housing.

somethings that do not make sense

like why Dr. Ruth is on PBS's Kids Read Between the Lions...

last night's Pastoral Planning meeting

I blogged before (cannot find the archive) about a series of meetings my diocese is having to make changes because of the priest shortage. Our last meeting was snowed out, so it was postponed until last night.

The Bishop talked a lot about doing things in the "vision of Vatican II". For example, we need to train "Leaders". We need to accept change. There are many parishes across the country where people attend what they refer to as "Father's Mass, Sister's Mass, Deacon's Mass". I am not a theologian, but this so does not sound like The Dogmatic Constitution of the Church-Lumen Gentium-in other words, not very in keeping with the "vision of Vatican II".

When they opened the floor for discussion, many stated that there must be more done in the way of encouraging vocations, and the Bishop's answer to that was families do not hold becoming a priest in esteem anymore (the shortened version). To that I raised my hand and tried to say that as a mother, I see very little on a parish level to encouraging families to form children that would embrace vocations. Of course I choked on my words, especially when they asked me to repeat what I said to speak into a microphone. Ack.

I sounded something like:

"Um, I just wanted to say at my old parish, there was, um, er, very little in the way to encourage, well, families to want their children to go into vocations. I mean people just go to Church and leave and that's it. I, um, wish, um, there was more to offer on a parish level to help families encourage vocations.I am one of the only people I know who would love to have a son as a priest. Anyway, I just, um, well I do not know when I, er, would have the chance to say that again." And I quickly sank back down in my seat.

Sigh, blogging is so therapuetic...

another reality check

A reader writes in the comment box below:

Sigh...in this day and age, Pansy, some parents really and honestly do need two paychecks. We do. We don't like it, but we do.

Yes, it is is true, everyone's situation is different, and there are always situations and times when things must be done to make ends meet.

Still, when you are home during the day, and when you walk around, it is rare to meet up with other SAHM's around. Many people in my personal experience before they ever consider sitting down and calculating "well, if we cut out the cell phone, get rid of one car, cook this from scratch" (just to make random examples) will put the kids in daycare and go off to work. Being a SAHM is not a vocation held in esteem, or considered a "real job", so it is often overlooked as a realistic option for mothers today. Also, there is not a big differentiation of "needs" and "wants" in American culture, and many people will abandon children for "wants" without realising God provides a great deal for "needs".

I apologise if I insulted anyone, and yes, feeding your family comes before staying home. But I still manitain, most families do not value staying home Moms. When I worked at a daycare, they charged $1200 a month per child. At that price, someone could afford to stay home. My point was not to condemn families who are doing what they can to survive, but our country's cultural philosophy that it is utterly unrealistic for families to survive on one paycheck.

one paycheck

Peony blogged below:

If our society were healthier, it would be easier for more families to make it on one paycheck (or one-and-a-half paychecks) so that moms and dads could keep their households running without killing themselves.

Personally I think there is a huge myth that people need two paychecks. Many people who have small children and two working parents, the income goes out the window because of daycare, transportation, work attire, quick
foods, etc. Money cannot purchase time lost that should be spent with the family and on the home.

Pope Leo XIII in Rerum Novarum states:
13. That right to property, therefore, which has been proved to belong naturally to individual persons, must in like wise belong to a man in his capacity of head of a family; nay, that right is all the stronger in proportion as the human person receives a wider extension in the family group. It is a most sacred law of nature that a father should provide food and all necessaries for those whom he has begotten; and, similarly, it is natural that he should wish that his children, who carry on, so to speak, and continue his personality, should be by him provided with all that is needful to enable them to keep themselves decently from want and misery amid the uncertainties of this mortal life. Now, in no other way can a father effect this except by the ownership of productive property, which he can transmit to his children by inheritance. A family, no less than a State, is, as We have said, a true society, governed by an authority peculiar to itself, that is to say, by the authority of the father.

36...Now, it is to the interest of the community, as well as of the individual, that peace and good order should be maintained; that all things should be carried on in accordance with God's laws and those of nature; that the discipline of family life should be observed and that religion should be obeyed; that a high standard of morality should prevail, both in public and private life; that justice should be held sacred and that no one should injure another with impunity; that the members of the commonwealth should grow up to man's estate strong and robust, and capable, if need be, of guarding and defending their country. If by a strike of workers or concerted interruption of work there should be imminent danger of disturbance to the public peace; or if circumstances were such as that among the working class the ties of family life were relaxed; if religion were found to suffer through the workers not having time and opportunity afforded them to practice its duties; if in workshops and factories there were danger to morals through the mixing of the sexes or from other harmful occasions of evil; or if employers laid burdens upon their workmen which were unjust, or degraded them with conditions repugnant to their dignity as human beings; finally, if health were endangered by excessive labor, or by work unsuited to sex or age-in such cases, there can be no question but that, within certain limits, it would be right to invoke the aid and authority of the law.

46. If a workman's wages be sufficient to enable him comfortably to support himself, his wife, and his children, he will find it easy, if he be a sensible man, to practice thrift, and he will not fail, by cutting down expenses, to put by some little savings and thus secure a modest source of income. Nature itself would urge him to this...

some clarification

In her comment below, Sparki provides a bit of a reality check:

WOHMs still have to do the laundry, cleaning, visit to library and trip to Target, but they have to squeeze it in after work and on weekends and still give their kids lots of one-on-one time. So from their perspective, a SAHM is lucky to have even a half dozen, 5-minute snatches of time to tend to these things during the day.

I should clarify that when I wrote my post I had a couple of things on my mind. Mainly Pansy's post, which I linked to, but also my naive pre-natal assumption that as a SAHM I was going to effortlessly care for my child, play enriching games all day, keep the house spotless, sew a beautiful wardrobe for both myself and Babykins, and get all my wedding photos into an album. But I didn't mention that part and, alas, Telepathy Blogger has not been released yet. I had no clue of how exhausted I would be after the baby came, and how, while the baby was napping, my first thought was not going to be "time to clean!" but "time to nap!" Right now my "time crunch" is getting things done with a curious, nap-hating toddler around.

Part of the thing that gnaws at me is that when I was growing up, my mom was Mrs. America SAHM. The house was spotless, she sewed clothes for us and for herself, she kept a huge garden (and canned the produce, including her own jelly.) I find myself thinking, how come I'm not doing all that? Part of it is that I may not be remembering things accurately (she may not have been doing all this at her peak until my youngest brother was in preschool); part of it is that that there were some things my mother never, ever did -- like read a book. I do remember that, as a kid, I sometimes wished that my mom would spend some time with us instead of with the housework.

I am very aware of the frenetic life of moms who work outside the home. When I was working, I saw my coworkers dealing with it all the time. One mom dealt with it by just getting a housekeeper and using paper plates for all her meals. Another mom had Kid Cuisine as her personal chef. I saw those frenetic rushes out the door to beat the day-care's deadline, the havoc caused by a child's sickness or an early school closing, the hassle of pumping milk. (Some nurses resented other nurses who breast-fed "too long" because breastfeeding mothers couldn't care for patients receiving certain medications.) And even though my husband and I didn't have any kids, I found myself wishing that I had a little time during the day to tend to house stuff so that we could use our evenings and weekends for other things.

I wish that our society in general had more genuine respect for the importance of housework -- it's no fun to do it, but it's even less fun when it doesn't get done -- and for other "lowly" jobs like caring for small children (and sick people, for that matter.) If our society were healthier, it would be easier for more families to make it on one paycheck (or one-and-a-half p