God bless you all for your help! I do not want to say too much in this public forum or speak prematurely, but I think we have reached a point where I no longer need assistance in this area. I have to ask Peony the Tech Goddess to take the Paypal button down.
Prayers , however, are always appreciated and I think the only reason I am writing this is because so many people have prayed for us.
God bless you all.
There are things I have to do, that I don't want to do, but I must do. The first part is just the practicality of getting them done. The second is dealing with the initial repercussions, but later, well, I haven't got much of a choice.
1 Seeing the crowds, he went onto the mountain. And when he was seated his disciples came to him.
2 Then he began to speak. This is what he taught them:
3 How blessed are the poor in spirit: the kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
4 Blessed are the gentle: they shall have the earth as inheritance.
5 Blessed are those who mourn: they shall be comforted.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for uprightness: they shall have their fill.
7 Blessed are the merciful: they shall have mercy shown them.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart: they shall see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers: they shall be recognised as children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted in the cause of uprightness: the kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
11 'Blessed are you when people abuse you and persecute you and speak all kinds of calumny against you falsely on my account.
12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven; this is how they persecuted the prophets before you.
~Matthew 5:3-12
I wanted to drop a note and say thank you for all your love, support and generosity...and PRAYERS! You cannot imagine how much it is helping me. There are times I just feel so. alone. going through all this and then I read your kind words...
I suppose I can't relay too many details, but the prayers are for discernment, strength and guidance and I still am not sure where I am supposed to be from one minute to the next. My family still keeps me just as busy as they did last week and that's always a given. There's more to come, that's for sure, but right here, right now, this second, I'm doing OK and that has a huge part to do with the kindness and support I have been shown. Not even exaggerating. Thank you.
It's a cake!
With six layers!
It looks like a rainbow!
Notice how Ian marvels!
Today is Ian's 14 birthday! Happy Birthday, Ian! I am so proud of you!
The cake is "white" cake with a lemon buttercream frosting. Ian said it reminded him of Froot Loops.
Recipe stolen from this very fun blog!
Pansy: "My 36-year old husband has been cheating on me with a 22-year old girl. He is leaving us for her (we have been married 15 1/2 years and have seven children). If that isn't bad enough, he is home now and is berating me and telling me why it is all my fault. I found conversations between he and this girl where they laugh at me behind my back. I knew it was going on for some time, but I found the evidence and it all came to a head a few hours ago. I have to change my life in the next few hours practically, financially, deal with this emotionally and all the above and I don't know how I can take my next breath."
Please, please, please pray for Pansy and her family.
And, to answer a question, if you wish to help Pansy temporally:
If you want to do your Amazon shopping through our referral link (right sidebar), every penny of that goes to Pansy as well.
My father's brother, my Uncle Joe, has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I know little details about what stage or prognosis at this point.
Say a prayer for me as well. I am kind of cantankerous at the moment. This is all too much, like my whole family is disappearing very quickly. I feel guilty because I am not the sick one, I'm not going to deal with chemo. But I don't know how I can watch so many people I love go through this.
I also don't want this to be about me...
St. Peregrine, pray for us!
Update: I apologise, I got it wrong. My uncle's doctor said it looks like cancer, but the biopsy results are not back yet. In the game of telephone, I missed that. In the past few years, when a doctor has said to a family member something "looks like cancer", it usually has been, so maybe I am a bit jaded. Either way, the prayers, I am sure, will be put to good use, and it would be awesome if I am worrying for nothing.
A few months ago, I was whining about the stress of taking care of family and a colicy newborn. Gabriel is nearly five months old now. He is very happy, he smiles, giggles, and talks all the time, and he loves his siblings. He is thriving well and is pleasantly plump. Note the little sausage legs:
But he still screams when I try to put him down. Many people told me to ask about acid reflux, and I did. The doctor told me it was gas and to use Mylicon drops. Having gone through colic before, I figured we could last until three months.
Three months have come and gone (he is nearly five moths old now) and while Gabriel no longer has that newborn shell-shockedness about his personality ("Why is it bright? Why am I cold? Why is it noisy? Mommy, where are you? Who are you, you're not my mommy! Where am I?"), a distinct pattern has emerged. While Gabriel loves to nurse, he doesn't like to eat that much. He is always looking to latch on, but when he does, he arches his back and squirms and usually spits up a good portion of what he takes in. And nights, oh man. The past three weeks he wakes up every hour or so and I have to sit in the rocking chair and hold him up on my shoulder. He instantly falls into a deep sleep then, but when hel ies back down, he starts to squirm. For me, dozing in a rocking chair night after night is not very restful. He spends a great deal of time during the day in the sling and/or walking back and forth, back and forth. (If this is disconnected it's because I had to stop about a dozen times to walk him).
On Monday, I called the pediatrician first thing in the morning for an appointment about this acid reflux thing because I.Had.IT. He hasn't outgrown it, and perhaps poor munchkin (er, Mommy) would be much happier sleeping the night with a prescription of some sort of Baby Zantac. For the check-up, Gabriel smiled and cooed and charmed the socks off the nurse and the doctor. The nurse said "this is the most pleasant baby I have ever seen" and the doctor who had been trying to get me to supplement with formula was happy to see how well he is thriving (he didn't even ask me to supplement once) and repeatedly remarked how well he's doing. This baby can't possibly have any issues! When I asked about acid reflux and relayed the symptoms, he said it was gas because he is thriving and developing so well. He told me to use Mylicon. He must have stock in the company.
So here we are. Fussy baby, laundry, dinner. Kids who pretend they didn't know have to do daily chores. I have three quilts I would love to finish...Again, one thing having seven kids has taught me is this too will pass...
My Fastolph is 10 years old today! Where does the time go? It seems like yesterday I was at the hospital, watching the tragic news about Columbine, and having such mixed emotions: sadness about the then current events and joy with our new little one.
Celebrations to commence with pizza and pina colada cake, and a trip to the Zoo this weekend. :)
A week ago was Posco's winter sports banquet dinner for wrestling. It was a big deal lasting 4 1/2 hours (they left an hour early). I had no idea wrestling was such a popular sport, but apparently Amsterdam takes it pretty seriously ranking third in the state. Posco was shocked to find out he won a trophy:
2008-09 Amsterdam Modified Wrestling
Ian Alejandro
Most Improved Wrestler
I didn't know, but many of the kids attended "wrestling camp" before joining, so just signing up an learning the sport from scratch-well the kid done pretty good.
I am kind of new to the competitive world of school sports. To me the concept is to have an activity to get exercise, learn sportsmanship and have fun. Many parents seem to think it is, well something else I don't quite comprehend. Either way, we're proud of our Posco.
March 29 was another milestone. It was Rosey Posey's 16th birthday. Imagine that!
We gave her her first cell phone: a prepaid Tracfone. We told her she shouldn't waste minutes on too much texting or use it when she can call from home. And she needs to call home as she was borrowing her friends when she needed to get in touch with us from track practice. So the concept of a cell phone for my child went from the category of "Ridiculous Pointless Costly Show of Capitalism" to something that would serve a purpose. In 3 days she used up all her minutes. She claimed it was calling her father for rides, but closer inspection showed 55 texts making pivotal statements such as "LOL, I can text U!". Here is a good opportunity in lessons of money management.
We were also informed that a prepay is not a "real cell phone". Too bad.
Overall the celebration was nice. I made two pans of one of her favorite dishes, baked rigatoni, and brought it to my folks place (it is much easier for us to go to them rather than they come to us these days). This was good because my mother didn't have to cook. I hate making her cook for us,I know she is tired these days. She did make meatballs, which I think she enjoys doing. (Rosey Posey claims to be tired of red sauce, but the rest of the family needs something red on Sunday dinner.)I also made a cake and brought it. I always ask the kids what type a cake they would like for their birthdays, and she picked a winner. Those of you familiar with the Cake Mix Doctor, it was a simple butter cake with chocolate frosting. We all settled in and watched Twilight, which was a gift from her aunt and uncle. It was truly one of those "does life get much better than this" times.
Rosey Posey: No Mom, wait, do go in there. You don't really want to go in there!
Pansy: Stop yes! I do! I haven't seen Lord of the Rings in a long time. And I want to see it in the living room so I can watch it with surround sound.
Rosey Posey: Surround soun-what? Are you kidding me? What are you, a man? What do you care about surround sound?
So now little Septimus is here, I am thankful to God. Thankful for my sweet, sweet boy, and thankful that physically, I feel good. I felt incredibly crappy for the duration of the pregnancy from morning sickness in the beginning to all the body aches and the inability to walk in the end. No more low iron issues. No more heaviness. I can walk. I can breath. I can eat. It's wonderful.
Before I had Septimus, I had everything ready-the stroller, the swing, the car seat. I just needed the baby. They say a mother forgets about labor after the fact, allowing her to have other children. I think that is a fallacy after so many children-I was in a sheer panic about labor prior to having Septimus. The memory of the pain was front and center. However, I do forget how incredibly sucky this part of motherhood is-the newborn stage. I remember it being difficult, but I forget how incredibly difficult.
Each day I get up and rush into the shower before my husband leaves. When he and the kids all depart the house at 7.25, I have this wave of panic run through me with the unrealistic realization that I have been abandoned. I don't think it is a totally abnormal feeling (right Moms?), and my normal course of action to stifle it is just get started. Get breakfast, get school, get a load of laundry in, clean the house, think of something fun to do later for my therapy (usually sew or bake something or get a work-out in), perhaps shop around on Etsy for a cute pattern to sew. Before you know it, it's 5.30, supper's ready and everyone you missed so desperately is home! And look what you accomplished! Someone read another chapter in their reader, someone has a new dress, the rug is vacuumed, another teeth cleaning is behind us for 6 months!
Now I have my 6th colic baby who screams from the second he opens his eyes until I can get them closed again (actually, I have to hold him while he sleeps or he wakesup screaming no matter where I put him). Or if I put him down. And I don't know why. And I don't care why. In the past we did chiropractors, cutting out wheat and dairy, music, swings, simethicone drops-everything. Now it's get passed the 3 month mark. Nothing else works.
I get about 5% of what I have to get done, done. I know many a wise Mom advises "just let him scream and do what you gotta do", but his screams have an instant physiological reaction in my body that feels like someone taking an egg beater to my nervous system. It's unbearable. So in the meantime, I just watch the house fall apart around me, get the bare minimum of school done, daydream about sewing projects I would like to finish before my kids get hold of the packages of bias tape and use them to tie each other up with.
I know this will pass because it always has, but when? Tomorrow? Next week? Will my family survive until then?
What's frustrating is there isn't a darn person around me who has a clue what it's like. They all notice the laundry piles up, but can't figure out why. They all know I am seriously grumpy, but Mom has issues. It never occurred to anyone that the reason why things ran smoothly before is because I was running things, not because it is in the nature of a toilet used by 8 people each day to simply be clean. My husband who comes home each day after a day of work is done for the day. He doesn't get I am not done. Not at 5.30 or when I go to bed at night. Never.
To counter my ingratitude, each day I do a mental inventory of my life. I love my life. I love my family, I love homeschooling. I love showing off my kids (if it's not the kind when they are screaming in public). I am thankful for a husband that brought me home a bottle of white wine the other night just because, and takes me out for a walk each night. I know each and every one of them is a blessing from God. I can't think of anything else I would rather be doing and I am doing what I always wanted to do for as long as I can remember. And I believe in what I'm doing.
So what's the deal? How can so much joy make someone so miserable? I get through it by offering it up and simply filing it under "Crosses to bear", but there has to be an answer. There is a better way to get through this period without a crying fit everyday at 10 AM because you just want to clean the bathroom without hearing screaming, and you can't. I know the answer is staring me right in the face, but I can't grasp it.
And I know I am not alone.
Apparently Posco is near sighted. Who knew? This is why when people would pitch baseballs at him, he couldn't catch them.
I told him he looks like that kid. "What kid?" he asked. You know, the one from Sesame Street. You know how in Sesame Street, there is always some normalesque,intelligent-looking, ethnic, teenage friend. Elmo will be in front of Hooper's Store looking all forlorn and Posco will enter stage right and ask "What's wrong Elmo?" And Elmo will explain how he can't pick the right color construction paper to make a card for Maria (is she still there?) for, I don't know, Recycling Day. And Posco picks a green piece of paper because recycling is green while he sings an educational jingle about the importance of recycling in English and in Spanish and Elmo says "Thank you Posco! Elmo happy now. And from now on, Elmo is going to recycle all his plastic apple juice bottles!" and then eats a crayon or something.
After I told this to my son, he just looked at me and blinked. He has no imagination.
1. Got through Monday evening. Cisco had an eye doctor's appointment at 5:30 PM, Josh had a doctor's appointment at 6 PM, and at 7 PM I had a pro-life meeting at Church. Not only did we get through it, it went smoothly with a healthy dinner served in the midst of it all. Days like this are becoming more frequent and when I get through them, I amaze myself.
2.Turns out Cisco needs reading glasses, so hopefully this will help some with his reading. We have had a decent week at school so far.
3. Despite it being really hard (tired from little sleep, no big people home until 5:30 PM, screaming baby), I have made real food for supper every night this week, and did not order pizza once.
