Recently in The Christian Life Category

I can do 4 loads of laundry a day. I can spend much energy fretting over how to pay the next bill, how to pay for Christmas or school books, or worrying about filling our increasingly larger vehicles with gas. I can deal with multiple fund raisers from school. I can be burnt out at the end of some days because lots of littles have a way of making the place constantly looking like a nuclear bomb went off despite my best efforts. I can deal with gestational diabetes, colic, mastitis, post partum depression. Tag team diaper changes, yep I do that. Sewing hand-me-downs to get more use out of clothes, sewing Halloween costumes, snow suits and coats, check. Three meals a day cooking mostly from scratch to stretch a budget as far as it can go while keeping meals appetizing, nutritious and made with whole foods. Let's not forget sleepless nights with babies, and getting up at 5.30 AM to start the chores and see the kids off to school. A house filled with every available spot of wall space covered with book shelves for kid's books, school books and "worthwhile reading", and an extra dresser in each bedroom. Yep. Such a pain, but I do that. Getting over the hump of first handwriting lessons, times tables and phonics. Teenagers, teenage music (Tokio Hotel anyone?) and teenage fashion. Yeah, kind of like purgatory.

All that stuff it passes, and at the end of the day, it's so worth it. There is no comparison between the work and stresses of having a large family brings and simply having my large family. Everyday I thank God for sending them to me. We don't have a lot, but we have each other and sometimes I think it can't get any better than my husband and children.

All that stuff above is hard work, but it is fulfilling meaningful work and I take it on gladly (well, not all the time). But I do take it on and I know better than anyone what it is to do all that in my home. I think God gives me the strength, although I'd be lying if I said without complaint. I love to complain. But I still do it. Everyday.

That stuff is incredibly easy to deal with, but I can't take take the remarks. I am at the end of my rope with the remarks. I can spread my laundry out throughout the day to make it more manageable. I don't know how to spread the nasty remarks out in my heart to make them more manageable. I don't know how to deal with either the lack of words, no congratulations, just admonishing looks used to teach me lesson in case I accidentally find joy at the arrival of another child. Am I supposed to think "well, at least they are not gossiping about me?" I don't know how to deal with overhearing another round of gossip about how I can't possibly understand or handle all the above life's difficulties with a family my size. I am tired of people who spend no time around my kids dismissing them all as "bad" and undisciplined, not because they are, but because they are simply there. Complete strangers who are around my children in not so fun situations like Mass, doctor's office waiting rooms, restaurants compliment us all the time. We must be doing something right once in awhile.

I don't know how to deal anymore. Each remark weighs on me heavier and heavier. Every lack of defense those close to me do not make while others go on rampages about my stupid choices to have my family hurts as well. If people close to me cannot see all the work I do, then what do they see about me? I don't want to know and when I get a small glimpse, it hurts. This life I have, it's not just what I do, it's who I am. This choice to not just simply take the stupid Pill already is not because I am too stupid nor because i am too holier-than-thou (depending on which family member you talk to), it's simply because I couldn't live with myself.

Jesus said:

Blessed are ye when they shall revile you, and persecute you, and speak all that is evil against you, untruly, for my sake: Be glad and rejoice, for your reward is very great in heaven. For so they persecuted the prophets that were before you. You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt lose its savour, wherewith shall it be salted? It is good for nothing any more but to be cast out, and to be trodden on by men. You are the light of the world. A city seated on a mountain cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but upon a candlestick, that it may shine to all that are in the house. Matt. 5:11-15

This brings me comfort, yet I wonder if I dare be so arrogant to think He meant me too. I don't know, but it's all I got right now standing between sanity and deep, deep sadness.

Today is the Feast of St. Gerard, Patron of Expectant Mothers.

Here I am, expecting mother at 23 weeks (well, 22 weeks and 4 days in this picture).

Very good articleby Bruce Wydick that comes our way via The Dawn Patrol.

Here's a sneak peek:

But the data show that many people today feel that consensual sex between two people who care for each other is a valid and harmless choice, regardless of whether the participants are married.

Two significant flaws are present in this view. First, sex is
qualitatively different from other activities. It is not like working
alongside someone on a project. It is not like enjoying a
beer and a burger with someone. It is not like playing tennis.
Sex is a total physical giving of ourselves to another human
being. It is humans’ most vulnerable, private act.

Second, sex is how life itself is created. There is no other
act in which we engage with another person that can create
life. And this life reproduces the genes of the two people
involved. The two literally become one in the form of a third
person. Sex is like no other human activity.

By emphasizing sex as recreation—something enjoyable
that does not require any deeper commitment—our culture
has moved sex from the level of sacred act (which God
intended it to be) down to the level of tennis. Moreover,
by emphasizing mutual consent as a basis for legitimizing
premarital sex, our culture overlooks essential differences
between men and women, important asymmetries that bring
this “if it’s consensual it’s okay” view sharply into question.

Jill Stanek Has excellent commentary surrounding the announcement of Bristol Palin's pregnancy:

The announcement was wonderful, in sharp contrast to Obama's thought of his own grandchild who might be conceived in a similar situation:

Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. We're proud of Bristol's decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents. As Bristol faces the responsibilities of adulthood, she knows she has our unconditional love and support.

Bristol and the young man she will marry are going to realize very quickly the difficulties of raising a child, which is why they will have the love and support of our entire family.

I keep coming across comments such as these (I quote The Superficial because it's not as if I read The Daily Kos, or any other such stomach turning website):

I know the knee-jerk reaction will be to point out the hypocrisy of Governor Palin's faith-based public views on supporting abstinence-only education and overturning Roe v. Wade.

So what's hypocritical exactly? Do we know for a fact that Bristol only attended abstinence-only schools and only associated with people who attended abstinence only schools, from families with the same values? Somehow from the tone for her boyfriend, truly doubt it:

Johnston, 17, who is entering his senior year at Wasilla HS, plays on the school hockey team and was once teammates on a youth squad with Palin's older brother, Track, 19, now in the Army.

Despite suffering a cracked bone in his shin last season, Johnston scored 24 goals in 24 games.

"We don't want to talk about this," said a woman who answered the phone at the Johnston home.

On a MySpace page subsequently taken down, Johnston boasts, "I'm a f - - -in' redneck" who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes.

"But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s- - - and just f - - -in' chillin' I guess."

"Ya f - - - with me I'll kick [your] ass," he added.

He also claims to be "in a relationship," but states, "I don't want kids."

As horrible as it is to state, speaking from experience, this sounds like the same Mr. Wonderful that have been getting 17-year old girls in trouble since the advent of high school. Which is the reason why we still need abstinence-only education. Cassanova doesn't get, if he doesn't want kids, don't have sex. 12 years of school, somewhere he missed that lesson. Besides is the guarantee of abstinence-only education simply that no teen will ever make a mistake again? So are we trying to claim the traditional PP sponsored sex ed programs are so effective?

Also, what is hypocritical about Sarah Palin being pro-life, and her daughter keeping the baby?

This morning I went up to Communion. Our pastor said "The Body of Christ" and I said "Amen". I closed my eyes, stuck my tongue out and waited...and waited. Now I know this priest and could not imagine he was offended by my taking Communion in the mouth vs. my hand, but still, I got scared. I opened up one eye to check and make sure. He was finishing up a rather long blessing of my belly. Since I am such a ninny these days, it was all I could do not to cry when I knelt in my pew after Communion. For whatever reason, I am still getting teary eyed writing this.

Our pastor, Fr. Gulley is retiring and I am sad to see him go. I hope he is replaced by someone with his orthodoxy.

Since my reversion back to my faith many years ago, I have been blessed with getting to know many Catholics who practice their faith to the fullest (or try very hard to, which would be more my category). I have met many through home schooling groups, and I have met many online (yes, if you are reading this, that means YOU). But In real life, unless you purposefully seek out other Catholics like yourself, meeting other true, practicing Catholics are far and few between. There are plenty of Catholics, but they fall into what I call cultural Catholics: they are baptized, they belong to a parish to utilize it for the weddings, baptism and First Holy Communions and because their mother told them "this is our parish". It's part of their ethnic identity more than it is about the Faith.

I know that sounds horribly judgmental because I cannot truly read a person's heart. But I live in the diocese of Albany. The Albany area is something like 60% Catholic, yet we are closing Churches at phenomenal rates. In meetings with the Bishop he cannot resist (after delivering some new heterodox policy or another Church closing), talking about going back to our "Irish Catholic families". My husband said he would go to work, and everyone would be Catholic, yet he would be the only one abstaining from meat on Fridays during Lent...or go to Mass on Sundays...and was jabbed at for having more than two kids.

And again, I do not think this is limited to "Irish Catholics". My family is Italian and it is the same thing: they go to Mass, have statues of saints in every corner, make Novenas, yet criticize every name I pick for a child ("Francisco Augustine? Where'd you get a name like that?"), are quick to say God doesn't exist when life becomes a little difficult, and oh gosh, how they ride me hard for the number of children I have. They actually do not differentiate between Italian customs and Catholic ones. Sunday Mass is a place to socialize and exchange gossip more than it is where you get graces and instructions in ultimately how best to get to Heaven.

My mother in law does the same thing-she thinks customs that are actually Puerto Rican in origin: "October is special in Puerto Rico, Puerto Ricans take out their rosaries and wear them around their necks." Oh. I didn't have the heart to tell her that October is a month dedicated to Mary to Catholics throughout the world because she was honestly trying to connect to me on my level, which is something she rarely, is ever, does.

So getting to the point, I came across this Inside Catholic by Deal Hudson about why Obama picked Joe Biden as a running mate-because he thinks we Catholics are "cultural" and that will win back any Catholics lost in Saddleback:

Our Church is no longer a place where telling a few “Pat and Mike” jokes and stories about Notre Dame football or Georgetown basketball can take the place of basic Catholic beliefs.

That kind of Catholic identity was born out of the age of assimilation when many Catholics, immigrants, or descendants from immigrants achieved the American dream of college and a home in the suburbs.

John Paul II, and now Benedict XVI, led American Catholics away from their infatuation with secularism and the culture of death it espouses. True Catholic identity, they reminded us, is established by embracing the Church's view of life, marriage, and the family, positions particularly despised by secularists and leftists.

It never occurred to me before that my own revert experience had a lot to do with the evangelization efforts of JPII. It totally makes sense. But all these I thought the Church was just waiting there for anyone who wanted to scratch below the surface of their cultural Catholicism. Of course it was, but this is part of a larger plan. It also brings me comfort to see the cultural thing is an old, dying trend. People should not be dismissed from Church communities on the basis of not growing up in a parish. Nor should we embrace a pro-choice candidate for simply being "one of us". But it's not like I was going to vote for Obama for being black either.

HT:Catholics Against Joe Biden

Whenever I hear the term "Catholic Community" I bristle. It is a common, "trendy" term in this diocese. Many parishes have huge gold-leaf signs declaring "(add Church name), a Christian Community in the Roman Catholic Tradition". That always leaves me wondering "Huh? Are they Catholic? Why not simply say 'Roman Catholic Church?'" instead of automatic "Oh, a Catholic Church. Cross yourself." So when I think of the term "community", I automatically think "trendy baby boomer buzzword". I am sure I am not alone when I feel that for liberal Churches, the notion of community has overrided the notion of Communion. It means "join us in the Spirit of Vatican II, and we'll all have a great time complaining about the injustices of the Church!"

That said, I think many Catholic Parishes actually lack in this department.* I was at a Church meeting last night, and the topic came up "after we tell people they cannot contracept, what do we offer them?" Of course the obvious came up-NFP, talks on Theology of the Body and all that very good and necessary stuff. I raised my hand and said that while I think that is necessary, I also think families need practical help. These days many families are alone in raising their family, and the idea of another child is just overwhelming. To my joy (for not feeling like I said something stupid), someone jumped right in and said "That's true, in Amsterdam in the 60's people didn't think twice to have a large family because grandparents, aunts, and uncles all lived like next door. It was never a problem, you always had help. You could always send a kid somewhere, or there was someone to bring a meal when you were sick..." I mentioned that cooking was a big deal. It has been very difficult to cook for my family with morning sickness and would have loved help in that department. And when I feel better, I would love to help someone else in the same department. And I do mean that, I derive great pleasure from cooking for people.

It amazes me how many issues are just under the surface of being "pro-life". When you start considering the issue, it is so much more than just being "anti-abortion". It's like when I see some toddler person was eating crackers on the living room floor and have to vacuum up the mess. First I realize that before I can vacuum, there are cut up pieces of paper all over the floor, my tape measure and spools of thread that must be picked up. Before I pick up my spools of thread, I have to get my sewing table in order, and the kids arts and crafts box must be located to put the scissors away. It is a much less overwhelming job if someone takes a small part in it-someone puts away the scissors, someone straightens the sewing table, someone vacuums... I lost my train of thought...what was I talking about? Was it about how you should never give a mouse a cookie? Oh, being pro-life, yeah. Just that there are so many smaller issues involved and it seems the other side has had a very good head start at taking them apart little by little, and we have a lot of work to do building them up piece by piece, and each person can do a small part. But I see it happening. We can never go back to the way things used to be, but we can start something new.

Oh gosh, where did my 19-month old get those Teddy Grahams?

*yeah, yeah, I know, not if you live in the Diocese of Arlington where you have women's groups, and awesome home schooling groups and probably nifty "Bake a Cake" women's nights in the Parish kitchen once a month...I am so not jealous.

Seriously though, what is up with that generation?

Update:More great stuff!

Print, read, annotate, and heed:

Pray without Ceasing: A Daily Plan of Attackhttp://www.lumengentleman.com

Last night on Discovery Health Channel, I was watching this forensics show called Skeleton Stories. The show chronicles how forensic anthropologists are able to solve cases by looking at the bones of victims. It appeals to my love of forensic shows, anthropology, and mysteries. Last night, they found the skull of a young woman and were able to locate the suspect, who in turn was a crazy, guy intent on going after prostitutes. However, when he was first named, the narrator made a point to show that the suspect's exterior life was quite a paradox to his serial killing intentions. He was middle class, a father of two small children, and "he was a devout Catholic" (the screen then flashes the image of a dangling Rosary). The next clip is of the prosecutor stating, "he read scripture at Church every week." Later a few other comments are made about how the guy felt the need to rid the world of prostitutes as a message from God, and how when they asked him to locate the rest of the woman's remains, he stopped and looked up at the sky and asked God to help him. Yeah, OK, whatever.

Here is what I don't understand: how do they know this guy is a devout Catholic based on Church attendance? Obviously, he isn't if he is going around soliciting prostitutes and killing them. This type of rhetoric is not limited to last night's Skeleton Stories, I hear it all the time. I *think* the point is to make an example of either "see how religion can make people horrible" or "here's another example of how hypocritical Christians are" or whatever. I remember the same terminology was used a great deal to describe Mary Kay Letourneau and her father. They were "devout" Catholics because of some obscure outward behavior, like attending Mass.

I often find these assumptions odd because it is hard to determine how devout someone is in their heart. It is a judgment I am rarely able to make. "Practicing" Catholic is usually a better description of a person's religious life that you do not know.

The other media stereotype I see used as a template for reality is the idea that adhering to a religion, particularly a Christian one means you just know you have it all right. You sit on your High Horse looking down at people who all get it wrong and shaking your head in dismay at them. We all have voices like Glinda, The Good Witch saying nothing besides "oh yes my Sister, praise be to God". Since we have opinions on moral issues (which is ridiculous because moral issues never affect us on our high horses), we can never stray into Human World, or else we are hypocrites.

I am lost about this stereotype. Following a Christian religion doesn't mean, "cease to be human", it means trying to find your way by following Jesus as a guide. I am often baffled why this is such a hard concept to grasp.

I am thinking of my mother-in-law. My husband had a few locked up bins in her basement of collectibles and comic books he had been collecting since childhood. Personally, I would not have left them there, but he trusted his mother. Her live in boyfriend stole them to sell for drug money. The amount he stole, we counted the value up to close to $7000 before we stopped counting. When my husband demonstrated he was angry and upset, and wanted to press charges, my mother-in-law gave my husband a lecture about what a hypocrite he was because he claims to be a Christian, which means he shouldn't get angry, but should only forgive the guy. Where do people get this stuff?

If you are a Christian and are an offender of some sort, you are a horrible, but true example of what Christianity does to people, and how hypocritical Christians are. If you are on the side of having been hurt in some way, and your response is not "Oh, how tragic, but I will turn the other cheek, and never notice you offended me”(in the Glinda Good Witch voice), (in the Glinda Good Witch voice), you are a hypocrite as well. You can't win.

Yesterday, I was with Matthew at his toddler art class. The attendance is come when you want and pay $5. We are regulars because Matthew loves art. One other lady with her son is also a weekly fixture. She and I are both pregnant.

Yesterday, another lady and her adorable little girl joined us. She joked that she felt out of place among the bellies. The other mother remarked that it was time for her to have another. To that she made a general announcement to the room "Oh no! You see, I have three, so I am done!" At first, I thought she was expecting the "Gasp, three kids?" reaction, so I just smiled inwardly to myself. However, afterwards is where it got a bit awkward, and I know everyone can relate. She went on to say her husband got himself "taken care of".

In the title, I asked, "what do you do”, but that is a rhetorical question. I am sure every one (except Erik maybe) just nods, smiles and starts counting the minutes before it is time to leave.

The conversation went on where everyone shared their sterilization stories, if not of them, people they knew. The other pregnant lady remarked that she thinks she would be too afraid to do something so permanent. The only thing I added to the conversation was the reply “yeah, I wouldn’t”.

Crickets.

I think I am not alone in how baffling it is that people are so willing to speak about their contraceptive choices in such public forums. I mean, even without getting into the details of “we use NFP” or whatever, just making the statement “Oh no, I’m done! chuckle, chuckle” seems like such a bizarre, personal sentiment to announce among strangers. The first thing I read into it is ‘oh, these kids drive me nuts-you think I want more like them?” I really don’t mean to make the harshest assumption, and I know they are being “light”, but honestly, that is what I read mostly because I don’t know them. The other reason why I get this is people usually offer this information-I don’t ask because my mindset is never really in an “I’m done” place. I’ll be with other parents talking about the weather or whatever and hear “Wow, that’s some family you got! I wanted more, but then my kids drove me nuts and two was enough.”

“Oh”

Every time I get out in the real world, I am so baffled not by how common contracepting is, but how abnormal and counter cultural it is not to have thoughts of limiting your family size on the forefront of your mind. I am not accusing people of being ‘obsessed”, but it has become so common to talk about limiting family size, devices, prescriptions etc in the parking lot when I don’t even have these conversations with my mother. Why is that?

Why has it become acceptable for people to offer unsolicited advice about too many children, but never offer unsolicited advice about how to fix my van for cheaper? The second one is too personal I think.

Catholic Exchange has an article on Pop Music's Sex Education. The article is pretty good. I am not sure it is a huge revelation though. All except this part (to me anyway):

People who want to make excuses for the music industry also argue that sexual lyrics are nothing new in popular music, from “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” by the Rolling Stones to any number of songs that discuss “making love.” But a lot of late 20th century music that played on the radio had a layer or two of euphemism or double entendre. It might have gone over the heads of grade-schoolers riding along in the car. That’s not true any more. In fact, it’s just the opposite today. These lyrics are as blatant as can be and are being marketed directly to young teenagers through the likes of MTV.

Duh! I never knew that song was about sex. I never listened that intently either as I don't really like The Rolling Stones, but I thought it was about a guy having a bad day. Point well made.

My husband went downstate to meet my mother-in-law and had the munchkins with him (another story I don't even want to talk about). I had to work, but chilled with my family afterwards. My family's routine is to go to the 4 o'clock Mass at the Church my father is assigned to. The pastor there has limited my father's deacon work to reading the Gospel at 4 o'clock Mass and doing funerals. (This guy is very insightful that he limits the responsibilities of a deacon with terminal cancer to doing funerals).

The Gospel was the Transfiguration. The pastor's Gospel was this (not verbatum, just from memory).

Want the condensed version today? (Everyone laughed and says yes. Oh that silly pastor, you know he is a good pastor because he is so witty). Recently philanthropist Warren Buffet gave 30 million dollars to the Gates Foundation. The Gates Foundation is a foundation that helps people and does good and charitable works around the world. The reason he did this is because he said "Bill, I have this money and want to do something good with it. If I give it to you, you have a better chance of transforming it into something better."

That is the message of the Transfiguration. We have to be like Warren Buffet and transform what we have into something better."

And that was it.

Later at Communion, I genuflected before receiving. I always do and have done so for years. I wait for the person in front of me to receive, while they are receiving, I kneel for a second (unless of course if I am at the Traditional Latin Mass). After Mass my father got yelled at because someone in his family genuflected, and the Bishop (supposedly) has specifically said we cannot genuflect before receiving. We are to bow. My father was upset because he got reprimanded and told me we should just be obedient to the Bishop (i.e. don't make waves and make my life harder).

The pastor should have said something to me,and addressed me as an adult, not yelled at my father (my mother told my father as much as well). As always, people never realize how psycho they are when they show that relationships with people are not about manipulating or controlling them. How nuts is it to scream at a 33-year-old woman's father because she kneeled at Communion?

I still have not heard of this edict from the Bishop, only when I go to Mass with my family. When I am not with them, I go out of my way to avoid parishes that are about the Pastor's therapy, and not about Jesus (we have a lot of those in Albany). So I actually still see things like kneeling during the consecration, homilies that have to do with the Gospel, and communion received in the mouth. Although altar boys are pretty much a thing of the past around here.

My mother said next weeks homiliy will probably again be about the evils of genuflecting. Most of his homilies are about someone doing something that he doesn't like, and lecturing the parish about it.

The self-titled gentleman known as The Raving Atheist has handed me a lesson in Christian humility. Well, it was not geared to me personally, but it displays a Christian attitude that I forget sometimes.

(1) The post will say at least one kind or favorable thing about the person and/or group under discussion. If I reject the relevant ideology completely, the compliment may pertain to some unrelated talent, accomplishment, or memorable post.

(2) All compliments will be sincere, not sarcastic or backhanded.

(3) The post will identify at least one false, cruel, inappropriate or unnecessary statement I have made about the person or group in the past, and explain why I was wrong to say what I did.

(4) Criticism or commentary will focus solely on ideas, not upon the person or people comprising the group to which he or she belongs.

(5) When commenting on a post that criticizes or attacks me I will not retaliate in any way, no matter how unkind, untrue or even vicious the commentary. I will not quote language from the offending post, or link to the post at all, if I believe that doing so will ultimately make the person look foolish or otherwise embarrass him or her.

(6) If I believe that there is a possibility that the person will be offended or embarrassed by my post, I will forward a draft and seek approval before posting.

(7) These rules will apply with equal force to religious people, atheists, agnostics, and political and social organizations, including pro-choice advocates or organizations.

Wow.

I don't think I have a problem with this in blog life as much as with real life and what comes out of my mouth verbally. My blog life is not that intriguing. The fact that RA's post had me thinking "oops" probably means my self-assesment is correct.