Around St Blog's: February 2006 Archives

Dinka's No Supermom

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Why is it so hard to admit you are having a hard time raising kids 24/7? Because it means you probably don't love your children.
A year ago, I had a really nasty bout of postpartum depression.The most common remark I got was "well, it was your choice to have 5 children..."

Recently, my grandmother told me how she said to my father "even your daughter is smart, I don't why she didn't finish college, but she is actually kind of smart, believe it or not..." I am not sure the purpose of her remarks.

If I went to these family members who made these remarks while I was in let's say medical school instead of being a SAHM, and mentioned "Oh yes, school is good, it is difficult, but going well..." which I could see saying about my life as a SAHM, I would get tons of sympathy, and praise for doing the right thing.
Not so with being SAHM. Why on earth would I mention I had a rough day when all I get is laundry list of how having 5 kids is about the dumbest thing I could do?

I am digressing to my usual whining about my family's foolishness. But I don't think I am alone in this sort of pressure form family and peers. All of my energy is exhausted on justifying my choices, and none is left for simple admissions of "I had a bad day," without feeling like an utter failure.

Before I went to seminary, I taught in a public school. Thank God, not as bad as this one in New York. But what I learned there was that the biggest problem in sending your kids to a public school wasn't the teachers or administrators, but the other kids.

And their parents.

I have to concur. 18 years ago (ahem) when I was this age, I remember my parents being baffled as top why I did not adopt their morals. There were many reasons (besides that their morals were "extreme" to everyone else I was around)but frankly, I simply wasn't around my parents


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