Pansy: June 2008 Archives

Very Close!

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82

As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Superior

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The Lord truly loves me, you know how I know? The opportunity he sends daily for me to offer up my woes to the souls in purgatory: 4 boys who have to use the bathroom. One day I want to throw up my arms and say "I give up! I am not cleaning that!" Actually, one day I want to throw up my arms and just not have any reason to walk into the bathroom at all.

I have actually considered hiring Merry Maids or something just to do my bathroom floor around the toilet with some industrial cleaners in a more efficient manner than I do it...everyday, sometimes a few times a day...

A Dark Past by Jonah Goldberg

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...In 1939 Sanger created the above-mentioned “Negro Project,” which aimed to get blacks to adopt birth control. Through the Birth Control Federation, she hired black ministers (including the Reverend Adam Clayton Powell Sr.), doctors, and other leaders to help pare down the supposedly surplus black population. The project’s racist intent is beyond doubt. “The mass of significant Negroes,” read the project’s report, “still breed carelessly and disastrously, with the result that the increase among Negroes...is [in] that portion of the population least intelligent and fit.” Sanger’s intent is shocking today, but she recognized its extreme radicalism even then. “We do not want word to go out,” she wrote to a colleague, “that we want to exterminate the Negro population, and the minister is the man who can straighten out that idea if it ever occurs to any of their more rebellious members.”...

So forget about intent: Look at results. Abortion ends more black lives than heart disease, cancer, accidents, AIDS, and violent crime combined. African Americans constitute little more than 12 percent of the population but have more than a third (37 percent) of abortions. That rate has held relatively constant, though in some regions the numbers are much starker; in Mississippi, black women receive some 72 percent of all abortions, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Nationwide, 512 out of every 1,000 black pregnancies end in an abortion. Revealingly enough, roughly 80 percent of Planned Parenthood’s abortion centers are in or near minority communities. Liberalism today condemns a Bill Bennett who speculates about the effects of killing unborn black children; but it also celebrates the actual killing of unborn black children, and condemns him for opposing it...

Read the full article.

HT:The Dawn Patrol

14 Years Ago Today...

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I got married. I know it's not a mile stone, like the seven-year itch, 10 years, or even 15, but it sure feels like it should be.

Getting Old=No Fun

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Well, that's not entirely true. Maturing is a lot of fun. The self-esteem, wisdom (if I can be so bold as to claim I got some of dat), experience, not to mention being a much better cook than when I was a newlywed-that's all good stuff. Where maturity is concerned, I am always glad to move forward.

However, my body is falling apart. When you are young, you take for granted being able to push yourself with no consequences. I cannot imagine what kind of freak-of-nature I was to be able to pull all-night study (or ahem, party) sessions in my late teens, early twenties. The thought of it makes me tired. Or how quickly I bounced back from new baby all-nighters. When my oldest was 6 weeks old (and I was 20), she became very ill with two ear infections and pneumonia. She wouldn't sleep, just cry. Everyday I brought her to the doctor, and they sent me home saying I was overreacting until she needed to be hospitalised. Anyway, I was up with her for like 4 days straight. No way I could do that today, at least not without the people around me being able to live with me. But then again, today, I would not be up that many days straight because I would have raised some serious hell if they tried to tell me I was imagining my baby was as sick as she was. Sadly, that was my first initiation into the hard lesson that doctors don't know everything.

I digress. I did something to my knee. This was an entry simply to whine about it. Boo hoo, my knee hurts. I think I have jumper's knee which annoys me. When you are so busy, and everyone is counting on you to get so much done,every small bump in the road is truly debilitating. You cannot skip dinner one night without planning ahead financially. McDonald's for eight might just truly cut into the budget. I am having trouble going up and down steps, so the laundry is on a delay.Everytime I put weight on my knee, besides the pain, it gives out on me. I almost fell down the basement steps twice yesterday. The kids help out with that of course, but their schedule is not the same as my OCD one. If I don't have three loads done by 10 AM, I start doing that thing where I leave a load in the dryer, or fold them up and leave them in piles on the back of the couch. I hate that. Do you know how many socks I have lost to the Couch Cushions of Narnia?

I mean what the heck? I never injured so easily at 22. Actually, not totally true come to think of it. I spent a lot of time hobbling around on crutches from ankle sprains, but again, I knew I wasn't following the "no injury" rules, such as pathetic warm-ups. I was just 22 and I bounced back quick. And it was not as big a deal. Laundry could be put off a day. With a toddler and a baby, dinner could be grilled cheese and some raw broccoli with ranch dressing, with no one whining about hunger pains. Now I am super-careful about my form and "the rules", and here I am. No fair!

I have an appointment on Monday afternoon, and I am hoping with ice and wraps the problem resolves itself by then. From what I read, if this is patella tendonosis, I've been walking around with the Stage 1 kind for a couple if years now and have been ignoring it because the symptoms are so minor. Now I did a good job and have upgraded to Stage 4 which might mean no working out for a few months. I hope I don't gain another 50 pounds from lack of working out. Since I hit 30, (or since I had number five, not sure which because struggling with weight loss has been an issue since then) this has been exactly what getting back into shape has been like:

I have no desire ever to buy Slim Quick, but this commercial is a gem.

This is Foofa from Yo Gabba Gabba:

Foofa

Working Out May Prevent Drug and Alcohol Addiction

A study found tweens and teens who reported exercising daily were half as likely to smoke as their sedentary counterparts, and 40 percent less likely to experiment with marijuana.

My Teenage Girl

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This is my Dear Rosey Posey:

Dree in poodle skirt

On weekends, she works at a local drive-in theater owned by her best friend's family. On this particular day, the drive-in was having a 50's party, so the day before the party, she informed me she needed a 50's outfit. So I got to work looking at poodle skirt pictures on the Internet and headed out to Wal-Mart the night before for fabric. Of course it is ont "authentic", poodle skirts are made out of felt, but the felt was $4 a yard and I found this cotton for $2. It also should have been fuller, and I tried by just making a basic elastic waist A-line (easy without a pattern) with lots of fabric. It was fine for working in the concession stand.

So Rosey Posey has low iron, according to her doctor. I am not sure how you can have low iron and not be anemic (I understand anemia can be from other issues), but that is what her doctor told me. They said they want her to eat iron-rich foods such as dried fruit (she steals all my prunes, but won't admit it is her), legumes,spinach, etc.

She knows the drill because I have always struggled with iron I told her she can take blackstrap molasses and her response was "yeah, I know, but that's disgusting". So this morning I made some whole wheat oatmeal muffins with molasses and raisins and I know for a fact she will not eat them. Why would she? Even worse, why would I make them knowing she won't eat them! Muffins are supposed to have chocolate chips! Yet I bother for some odd reason that mothers bother with the things. You know, like how we cook vegetables for the kids who hate vegetables every night. It's some kind nonsensical Momism. She's going to get up in a little while and look at them and say "oh, um, th-thanks, um, gee, raisins and blackstrap molasses..."

And I'll say "and oatmeal and cinnamon. Try one, they're good." (Which they are, I just had one.)

And she'll say "no thanks, it's morning, I'm not hungry."

The doctor also told me to buy her Flintstone's Chewable with Iron and she needs to take 2 a day. Her first reasction was "but these aren't the Gummi kind!"

"Rosey Posey, they do not sell vitamins with iron in Gummi form."

"Hmmph!"

"Make sure you hide those in your drawer away from your little brothers. They will think they are candy and eat them. Iron can be dangerous."

So her answer to that was to put them in the pantry next to the raisins.

"Rosey Posey, I said to hide these!"

"I did! They were on a higher shelf where they could not reach them...or see them...unless they looked like up. And I doubt they are smart enough to look up!"

She's going to read this and think I am dumping on her. I'm not. The daily goings on in raising children creates (what to me seem) funny scenarios that I would like to record and go back and read. That is one of the things I love about keeping this blog.

Urgent Prayer Request

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I don't think this is new news. Breastfeeding has become more mainstream since the 70's and the fact that people still don't pick it up as "the norm" is what I think is weird. I always noticed that minorities tend rarely, if ever to breastfeed. I don't know if this is something cultural, perhaps hospital propaganda as described in this article, or whatever (perhaps Alicia can shed some light).The reasons I have been given as to why breastfeeding is bad range from "oh, breastfeeding, gross" (but this was from a cousin that I would have loved to have told "having two kids from two different convicts and leaving them in the Bronx with you grandmother to raise while you live in Long Island with your boyfriend-gross!", but I didn't) to a nursing baby "never gets enough food", or "breastfeeding causes you to have all those kids so close together" (that gem came from my grandmother).

But breast-feeding can be frustrating for new mothers because of nipple pain or the misperception that they're not producing enough milk. It's crucial that moms get proper breast-feeding advice and encouragement those first few days after birth, said Dr. Sheela Geraghty, a lactation expert at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center.

Two years ago, a girl I knew had a baby and was adamant she wanted to breastfeed. She came from a family where this was a novel idea. As soon as the baby was waking up in the middle of the night, her sisters-in-law and mother were there with a bottle telling her her baby is starving . I nicely and unobtrusively (which meant it went in one ear and out the other) attempted to offer the advice to one of the sister-in-law who was bending everyone's ear about what a dopey mother this was, that nursing babies metabolize food quickly, so they are always going to want to nurse. There doesn't seem to be an understanding with many people who are trying to cross that bridge from bottle feeding to breastfeeding, that bottle feeding is strictly about food, while nursing is about comfort, not just nutrition. There is also a lack of understanding that you cannot over breastfeed, while there must be a level of control with how much formula to give and how often.

But practices unfriendly to breast-feeding were common throughout the country, the survey found.

About a quarter of hospitals reported giving formula or some other supplement to more than half of their healthy, full-term newborns. The practice was common even when mothers were able and willing to breast-feed, Dee said.

Of hospitals who gave supplements, 30 percent gave sugar water and 15 percent gave water.

Again, this reminds me of the control-freaky family members who will not give people the opportunity to even try it and fail, and find their way. It starts in the hospital. I think of that grandmotherly nurse, you know the one in the L & D room who tells you things like "now Honey, you have to lie still...", "now Honey you are making too much noise..." (I have been to three hospitals in two states, and the same nurse is always there.) Then afterwards you find that nurse's twin sister in the nursery sticking pacifiers in the baby's mouth despite your requests. In their defense, they do this day in and day out, sticking a pacifier in the babies' mouths makes things run smoother for them...I guess.

...

The other day when I was at Catholic Charities a couple I knew came in with their 10-month old girl for baby supplies. I knew the father, he used to be a neighbor and he has a cute little girl (by another lady I know) about 5-6 that used to play with my kids. In the summer I used to just leave the front door open and the kids would be in and out, in and out. The boys would play games and run out and the girls would come in and draw pictures. We always have an abundance of art supplies since we home school. Anyhoo, the father and I chit chatted about my husband, the weather and whatnot. I gave them diapers, but they were also there because they were out of baby formula, so they were requesting some from the food pantry. While they were waiting, the baby was tired and fussy. She wanted her bottle and wanted to take a nap. They gave the baby bottles of water, which she drank some, but then threw and complained. They were giving the baby, salchichas or Vienna Sausages (always a common snack among us Carribean folk, I often wonder if they eat them as much in Vienna as much as they do in Kingston and San Juan), she would eat one and fuss. it wasn't what she wanted. I sat there and wondered what knuckle head(s) thought that for people where income might be an issue, formula was a much better alternative to breastfeeding? Someone who makes money off of formula, no?


One of those many messages I can always stand to hear (especially when it is put into LOTR-speak) was delivered here by Athos:

...At an unparalleled degree Christians in the West feel pummeled by attack after attack: our faith is scoffed at by pretentious scholars and celebrities (those famous for being well-known); our morals flaunted by individualists run amok and negative imitators who are caught in a state of scandal, both of whom are lauded by journalists; and a separatist religion of the Scimitar whose rivalry toward Judaism and Catholicism knows no boundary...

...But the Catholic Church - of whom we would ALL be a part 1,500 years ago - was begun by Our Lord, is sustained by Our Lord, and is promised to continue by Our Lord ... until He comes again (Mtt 16,18 & 28,20) come hell or high waters...

...Stand tall and join the merry revels and rejoicing of the glad Company who know by His Real Presence among us that we are a part of the Body of Christ. There is no darkness that can keep our heart and voice from singing. We are the King's men (and women), and we pledge our fealty to Him....

Read the whole thing.

(HT:The Dawn Patrol)

Just A Day at CC

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As mentioned before, a couple of other volunteers and myself started a diaper drive/ baby supply closet. Our local Catholic Charities has been gracious enough to give us a few shelves in a supply closet for diapers, and allow us the use of their waiting room to wait for parents who might be seeking baby supplies. It of course comes with a price: we are absolutely NOT allowed to mention any political agendas. No one has a problem with that. While what inspires our teeny, little ministry is certainly our pro-life beliefs as well as our Christian philosophy, but this ministry is simply about helping people who need things such as diapers, wipes, bottles, bibs,.baby toiletries. That's all. Being pro-life is not simply limited to political rants. Nevertheless, when we were setting up our little closet shelves, some Catholic Charity workers overheard one us mention they did similar volunteer work at Birthright and we were quickly reprimanded and reminded that we are NOT ever to mention our pro-life stance.

Like I said, I do not care to lecture anyone, or to use this as a bridge to a pro-life platform into the community. I just want to help. Catholic Charities gets a great deal of government funding and would like to be seen as politically neutral-I get that. I am grateful they have given us an in road to help. However, there is something disheartening about a Catholic organization being so fearful of standing behind a Catholic stance of being pro-life. (Too bad PP isn't as spooked to be politically neutral in the face of government funding. )

Still with this in mind, I was kind of shocked to see stacks of these pamphlets in the waiting room:

My Other NFP Gripe

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While I do know many providentalists and many NFPers, Deo Gratias, neither have been the extreme ilk described in the post below. Well not at least within the circle of people I consider my friends and confidantes, just opinions I read on the Internet here and there. I think my main gripe with NFP, both sides will agree is one of the tragedies of NFP in philosophy.

As I mentioned before, I suffered from Post Partum Depression after Berylla. My OB/Gyn (not Catholic, but a kind doctor) asked me the usual questions:

"do you have help?"

"no"

"how many small children do you have at home?"

"too many"

Then he asked if I could get dispensation from the Bishop to use birth control. I actually considered this option, knowing darn well my very liberal Bishop would grant it with no problem without even truly weighing the issue with true Catholic teaching. (Perhaps I shouldn't have such doubts and trust God's shepherds more.) There are the other factors though:

~Contraceptives are abortifacient.
~Contraceptives are carcinogenic.
~Contraceptives aren't good for you.
~It is bad for marriages.
~The pill was funded by Margaret Sanger for eugenic purposes.

So here I am, working out, eating organic brown rice, refraining from drinking and smoking and I would give up all that work for an drug that is not necessary to sustain me or keep me healthy. The Church in all her wisdom simply understand what Truth is, and trying to find a back door is just denying the Truth.

I went home that day and spoke to my mother, the wife of a deacon. I figured with all my parents' religious training and as a mother of four, she would have a better grip on the intricacies of this delicate situation. Her reply was that since I have tried NFP with earnest many times, that is God giving me the thumbs up to use birth control. That was the spoken part. The non-spoken part has been made obvious numerous times when I was a week or two post partum, and I was struggling to juggle cooking dinner, lessons, mastitis. After I had number four and I was in this situation, I called her and begged for a bit of help to which she replied "it was your choice to have more children; I did my time." I never asked again. Of course she never volunteered.

You see NFP, even among Catholics who understand the moral and health contraindications of artificial birth control now have NFP to fall back on to allow large families to be labeled "irresponsible". That means if they have lots of kids that is their responsibility and no one has a Christian duty any longer to help families in need, even their own families, who may be struggling financially or practically. "You got yourself into this mess, and don't use that 'being Catholic thing' as an excuse, it's your job to get yourself out." There are no more of those stories from the 50's about how the Murphy's had 10 kids and they were dirt poor, so the girls couldn't afford dancing lessons, but the kids enjoyed each others company, had tons of chores, looked out for one another and grew up to be good Catholics. Remember those stories? Today: "how can you neglect those kids by not giving them dancing lessons?"

Quote of the Day

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Under no circumstances should you ever put yourself in the position of giving or denying your spouse permission to go after something he or she wants, be it a thing, a personal goal, a certain amount of time or attention, or an emotional investment on your part. Negotiating the what (instead of the how and when) in marriage changes you from a partner into a parent, and it reduces your spouse from an adult to a child. Inevitably, this dynamic creates the kind of resentment that, if allowed to go unchecked, causes divorce.

~Excerpt from God Help Me, These People are Driving Me Nuts by Dr. Greg Popcak

Actually, EB aside, I thought this paragraph was so familiar, and well, vindicating:

It reminded me of how, early in my marriage, as my wife and I adjusted to NFP, Julie joined an NFP listserv, and mentioned that we were struggling with it. She never said, "And so we're thinking about ceasing to follow NFP," or anything like that. She just said that nothing in the literature prepared us for how difficult it could be to follow.

The reaction was telling. She was completely ignored. It was weird, actually. Any idea that NFP is anything other than the perfect, most easily implemented way of life seemed forbidden in that online circle. It was as if you couldn't admit to having problems with it, even within the context of fidelity to NFP. For an online support group, that was discouraging. She dropped off the list after that.

I friggin' hate NFP. While I would never tell anyone not to use it, and I think every married couple should learn it, I hate it. Why? Six kids and counting. I love my kids, they are all blessings from God, but I have actively used NFP with the intentions of not having six kids. I know that in the catacombs of faithful married Catholics, I am positive I am not alone.

Mr. Dreher links to And Sometimes Tea: The Great NFP Debate which also has a comment (actually quite a few) that ring true to me as well:

They may express the idea that a couple who doesn't use NFP may experience periods of satiety, when their supposed lack of self-control has a dampening effect on the mystery and romance of marital union. They may even start to hint about a lack of prudence, or to discuss the importance of focused types of parenting.

I also hate the other great NFP lie: That NFP is 99.999999% percent effective for everyone who takes the time to learn it. I think that is true, Deo Gratias, for a lot of people, so don't think I am making excuses not to learn NFP. I think for some people, it just does not work very well for whatever reason.

I have been told that my only problem with NFP is a total lack of self-restraint on my part and I must have a secret porn addiction or that I must be overly scrupulous and therefore what Red Cardigan calls a "QP". Needless to say, "wha' the?"

I am actually so jealous of people whose lives are so uncomplicated that this is a black and white issue for them.

Another Cute Tutorial

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This one is called The Eddie Cap. With summer coming up, the boys needed hats. But I wanted something a bit more individual that the usual baseball cap. I actually saw hats just like this here and there, but they were pricey, so I was quite relieved when I found the above-linked tutorial.


Di Fattura Caslinga: Pansy's Etsy Shop
The Sleepy Mommy Shoppe: Stuff we Like
(Disclaimer: We aren't being compensated to like this stuff.
Any loose change in referral fees goes to the Feed Pansy's Ravenous Teens Fund.)


Pansy and Peony: The Two Sleepy Mommies



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