Pansy: August 2008 Archives

This morning I went up to Communion. Our pastor said "The Body of Christ" and I said "Amen". I closed my eyes, stuck my tongue out and waited...and waited. Now I know this priest and could not imagine he was offended by my taking Communion in the mouth vs. my hand, but still, I got scared. I opened up one eye to check and make sure. He was finishing up a rather long blessing of my belly. Since I am such a ninny these days, it was all I could do not to cry when I knelt in my pew after Communion. For whatever reason, I am still getting teary eyed writing this.

Our pastor, Fr. Gulley is retiring and I am sad to see him go. I hope he is replaced by someone with his orthodoxy.

Both major U.S. political parties have good people in their ranks. Neither party fully represents a Catholic way of thinking about social issues. One of the lessons we need to learn from the last fifty years is that a preferred American "Catholic" party doesn't exist. The sooner Catholics feel at home in any political party, the sooner that party begins to take them for granted and then to ignore their concerns. Party loyalty is a dead end. It is a lethal form of laziness. Issues matter. Character matters. Acting on principal matters. The sound bite and the slogan do not matter. They belong to a vocabulary of the herd and human beings deserve better.

~Archbishop Chaput in Render Unto Caesar

I hate when books start giving you good quotes in like the first three pages.

Palin named as McCain running mate.

I have to say I had many reservations about McCain for a long time, but little by little, he starting to win me over.

Dear Mr. Luse was the first person I thought about when I heard about this.

On that whole "t-shirt" entry below.

I am home alone for the long weekend. My husband took the kids to visit my MIL. He offered to leave me to get a break, especially from the nursling I have been trying to wean with no luck, but at first I blew him off. First they are stopping in the Bronx to visit relatives, then on to Central New Jersey. I realized I cannot handle the trip. I just can't. Last time I went to Mt. Vernon (about 2.5 hours away) a few weeks ago, I thought I was going to die. I'm gettin' old and this pregnancy is kicking my a*s.

So what am I going to do? Well, I just mopped the kitchen floor with the joy of knowing it will stay clean for more than 10 whole minutes, and I scrubbed the kitchen trash can knowing no little person is going to throw something sticky away in between the kitchen bag and the can for a few days. I am sewing some lunch bags for Rosey Posey and Posco for school next week, and UPS just dropped Archbishop Chaput's book off on my doorstep. Tonight I am going to bake one, count them, only one calzone for supper (which is barely cooking at all) and hope it doesn't send my blood sugar sky rocketing (which has also become an issue as of late-but I am tired of complaining, I have 5 months left to complain on this blog about that). I might even go to breakfast on my own one day.

It's so weird that there was a time in my life that I started out as one person. Can't remember...

The Global War Against Baby Girls

If you were asked to name the technologies whose proliferation inadvertently threatens the human race, what would you include? IEDS? Assault rifles? Nuclear warheads?

Add this one to your list: the sonogram machine...

Eberstadt explains that there is a "slight but constant and almost unvarying excess of baby boys over baby girls born in any population." The number of baby boys born for every hundred baby girls, which is so constant that it can "qualify as a rule of nature", falls along an extremely narrow range along the order of 103, 104, or 105. On rare occasions it even hovers around 106...

...Yet in a number of Chinese provinces--with populations of tens of millions of people--the reported sex ratio at birth ranges from over 120 boys for every 100 girls to over 130 boys for every 100 girls. Eberstadt notes that this is "a phenomenon utterly without natural precedent in human history."

One commenter to the article notes:

I've said it over and over again, those 30 million Chinese men WILL find mates. If they have to invade India, Iran or wherever.

HT:This One Goes to 11 by Margaret Cabaniss

Many members of my family have "issues" (like every other family), and of course gossip stems from these various issues (although I guarantee these days I am the source of plenty of fodder-actually I know I am as I stumbled in a conversation about me and "all those kids", but that's another story).

One common complaint was of a family member who at one point in her life discovered QVC and before she knew it was deep in credit card debt. She later remedied the problem and cut up her cards, but the topic comes up every now and then in family circles. When I think about my relative, and where she was in her life, I could easily see how she made such a mistake. I said so last time the topic came up: "you know, if I didn't have a bunch of kids and I had time to watch QVC, and had disposable income, I could see myself doing the same thing." Of course my family's reaction was simply "oh yeah, of course you would!" as opposed to putting themselves in our relative's shoes.

But it's true. I think there are a ton of really stupid things I would do if I didn't have children to force me to be more responsible and gain perspective. Or be healthy. Another trait that runs in my family is perfectionism and OCD. I will not at all claim I am not OCD, not by a long shot. But having a bunch of littles, four of which are boys in a row, and the various pets, germs, spills, and diapers will cure you quickly. Before I freaked when everything wasn't clean and spotless. I kew we'd get bugs, or diseases or a random social worker would stop by and say "You have children here? In this house with two spots on the white area rug?!?" Today I just tell them make sure they don't use the couch cushions to build their forts when company comes, so no one sees the crunched up Goldfish crackers underneath them.

Although dirt is not limited to little boys. Yesterday I had my daughter in a white t-shirt and pink capris. The second she got out, she hopped and giggled, and rolled on the ground. Back and forth and proceeded to roll under the van. My three year decided to help her by doing what any three-year old would do, he started prodding her with a stick under the van (I think the giggles coming from under the van were too much for him). My neighbors came home from Dollar General or Wal-Mart or where ever it is they go to look on in horror as my toddler rolled and giggled. I had the sudden urge to say "neighbor's kid" but I knew that wouldn't hold water since they were my neighbors. I was a responsible Mommy. I sat on the porch and yelled (quite forcefully, mind you) "Hey You, Fredegar! Stop poking your sister with a stick when she is rolling around under the van!" Actually my husband was only two feet away and he retrieved her right away, so I was really not as neglectful as I sounded.

When she emerged she was blackened with dirt, her little white t-shirt and her little pink pants. Another time, i would have required some sort of tranquilizer. These days "oh well, that's why God gave us pre-treater,"

I think everyday there is another reason having children gives me a better sense of perspective.

Denver Archbishop: Planned Parenthood Offends Minorities

A new Planned Parenthood clinic in a minority neighborhood of Denver should be taken as an offense, affirmed the archbishop of the city.

Archbishop Charles Chaput said this at a prayer vigil and march at the site of Planned Parenthood's new clinic in a primarily Latino and African-American suburb of Denver...

"Planned Parenthood is the largest single provider of abortion and family suppression services in the United States," he explained. "This facility in this minority neighborhood should offend every African-American and Latino family, and all of us, because every child lost to abortion here subtracts one more life, one more universe of possibilities and talent, from the future of this community. […] The business of Planned Parenthood is the prevention of the future -- and business is good, and very profitable, at the expense of this community."

HT:The Curt Jester

another long stupid story, but stick around for the t-shirt part. We decided to put the two oldest is public school. In order to do that we needed their immunizations records. My husband went by our old doctor's office (we just switched doctors like 2 weeks ago) to sign a release form and get the records. there were no records. Unfortunately, I know why. When we moved from NJ to upstate NY in '99, we doctor hunted for a bit and there was a delay in transferring records until we settled. Somewhere around 2002-2003, it was brought to our attention the records were never transferred. I proceeded to call our old doc's office and got a lecture about "well, those records are super buried," I just decided to mail a medical release form and assumed that was the end of it. Since the kids are home schooled, I never had a need to check. Well, my request was ignored.

My husband called and got the same lecture-I think the woman taped it and replayed it from the last time. But thank you Dear Husband, his reply was something like "well I don't give a crap, I need those records." He called the next day and got more attitude. So we decided on Plan B. we called the County Health Office and asked about having the kid's shots redone because by the time these people get off their posteriors...County Health said that idea was fine, it shouldn't hurt them medically and just get a note saying they got their first round of shots...First i called our brand new family practitioner. Another problem,he doesn't do immunizations. He prefers patients 5 and up because he doesn't have enough pediatric patients to keep immunizations around.

Sooo, I call the local pediatrician (there are two, and one happened to be my previous landlord, so we refuse to go to him). We explain the situation, they say "fine", just change your insurance. I did. I called again and explained to make the appointment. OK, no problem. Yesterday was the appointment. When I get there, I explain the kids are new patients because the receptionist seemed baffled by my lack of records. We are waiting and the other four kids with me, especially the two youngest are not behaving, they are commotion making, and one of course had to have an "accident". When the receptionist called my oldest two in, I asked her if they could just go in as I had all the smaller children, and explained again what they needed-their first round of shots for school as we cannot locate their records, and a note to the schools stating they got their first round and will continue to get the rest of their immunizations.

The doctor refused to give them their shots because they didn't have their records. But while they were in the office, he gave them a lecture about what's wrong with home schooling: "Does your mother know physics? Does she know calculus? I'm a doctor and I don't even know physics and calculus. That's why you need to be in school." Are you freakin' kidding me?

My friend says I really need the t-shirt that says: " please comment on my life. i need your judgment"

I thought I must have been wearing the shirt, but my friend pointed out that since I home school, it is not legible. If I had the shirt, I would seriously wear it at this point.

Yesterday, when I told my husband this story, he called the doc's office in NJ back and yelled at them some more, so they should be faxing the records over today.

Update: The doctor did fax over the immunization records. That is done. There was trouble deciding what grade to put Rosey Posey into because the home schooling contact person at the School Board would not return my calls. My husband went to the school and complained. The guidance counselor called right back today, put her in 10th grade and even said to Rosey Posey over the phone "there should be no problem because you home schoolers are always advanced."

Now I am hearing the middle school is worse than the public. A friend of mine is getting me an application for the local Catholic school (which is supposedly one of the few orthodox Catholic schools in the diocese) for tuition assistance. I wasn't going to put them in the Catholic school because we cannot afford it. My friend said they give out so much assistance to non-practicing Catholics, she would rather see people from families like mine helped out and to spread a genuine Catholic atmosphere in their parish school. What a nice compliment. :)

Since my reversion back to my faith many years ago, I have been blessed with getting to know many Catholics who practice their faith to the fullest (or try very hard to, which would be more my category). I have met many through home schooling groups, and I have met many online (yes, if you are reading this, that means YOU). But In real life, unless you purposefully seek out other Catholics like yourself, meeting other true, practicing Catholics are far and few between. There are plenty of Catholics, but they fall into what I call cultural Catholics: they are baptized, they belong to a parish to utilize it for the weddings, baptism and First Holy Communions and because their mother told them "this is our parish". It's part of their ethnic identity more than it is about the Faith.

I know that sounds horribly judgmental because I cannot truly read a person's heart. But I live in the diocese of Albany. The Albany area is something like 60% Catholic, yet we are closing Churches at phenomenal rates. In meetings with the Bishop he cannot resist (after delivering some new heterodox policy or another Church closing), talking about going back to our "Irish Catholic families". My husband said he would go to work, and everyone would be Catholic, yet he would be the only one abstaining from meat on Fridays during Lent...or go to Mass on Sundays...and was jabbed at for having more than two kids.

And again, I do not think this is limited to "Irish Catholics". My family is Italian and it is the same thing: they go to Mass, have statues of saints in every corner, make Novenas, yet criticize every name I pick for a child ("Francisco Augustine? Where'd you get a name like that?"), are quick to say God doesn't exist when life becomes a little difficult, and oh gosh, how they ride me hard for the number of children I have. They actually do not differentiate between Italian customs and Catholic ones. Sunday Mass is a place to socialize and exchange gossip more than it is where you get graces and instructions in ultimately how best to get to Heaven.

My mother in law does the same thing-she thinks customs that are actually Puerto Rican in origin: "October is special in Puerto Rico, Puerto Ricans take out their rosaries and wear them around their necks." Oh. I didn't have the heart to tell her that October is a month dedicated to Mary to Catholics throughout the world because she was honestly trying to connect to me on my level, which is something she rarely, is ever, does.

So getting to the point, I came across this Inside Catholic by Deal Hudson about why Obama picked Joe Biden as a running mate-because he thinks we Catholics are "cultural" and that will win back any Catholics lost in Saddleback:

Our Church is no longer a place where telling a few “Pat and Mike” jokes and stories about Notre Dame football or Georgetown basketball can take the place of basic Catholic beliefs.

That kind of Catholic identity was born out of the age of assimilation when many Catholics, immigrants, or descendants from immigrants achieved the American dream of college and a home in the suburbs.

John Paul II, and now Benedict XVI, led American Catholics away from their infatuation with secularism and the culture of death it espouses. True Catholic identity, they reminded us, is established by embracing the Church's view of life, marriage, and the family, positions particularly despised by secularists and leftists.

It never occurred to me before that my own revert experience had a lot to do with the evangelization efforts of JPII. It totally makes sense. But all these I thought the Church was just waiting there for anyone who wanted to scratch below the surface of their cultural Catholicism. Of course it was, but this is part of a larger plan. It also brings me comfort to see the cultural thing is an old, dying trend. People should not be dismissed from Church communities on the basis of not growing up in a parish. Nor should we embrace a pro-choice candidate for simply being "one of us". But it's not like I was going to vote for Obama for being black either.

HT:Catholics Against Joe Biden

I have to tell you their real names for a second, because this is funny. My daughter, Dree (short for Adrianna) is best friends with another home schooled girl named Bree (short for Brianne). Bree's family owns a drive-in where Dree works the weekends. Since they work late into the night, Dree often ends up spending weekends at Bree's house.

Here's the catch: according to Dree and Bree, Bree's house is haunted. Every once in a while Dree comes home with tales of odd lights or shadows. Last weekend apparently was quite and adventure for the two girls with all kinds of spooky events. Dree relayed them to me the tale in the hopes I would believe her. I did because similar things have happened in my grandmother's haunted house. So I did what any Catholic mother in my place would do-I handed her a St. Benedict medal to keep with her if she is worried.

Bree was absolutely baffled that a medal with an exorcism prayer exists, and even worse, that Dree's mom just happened to have one handy. (I don't know, I think my mom has a wooden chest under her bed with all kinds of stuff like that...)

According to Dree, the conversation went as follows:

Bree: so did you tell your Mom about the incident with the ghosts at my house?

Dree: Yeah

Bree: Well, what did she say?

Dree: Um, nothing much, she gave me a St. Benedict exorcism crucifix.

Bree: silence...A what?!? What is that and there is such a thing?

Dree: explains to her what it is etc...

Bree: Well, what makes it special?

Dree: Well, it was blessed by a priest.

Bree: And what makes him special?

Dree: Well he was ordained.

Bree: What does missing body parts have to do with it?

silence

Bree: Um, ordained doesn't mean "missing body parts" does it?

Dree: No, Bree no.

This past weekend we revealed to the last of the four parents that we are expecting again, which was met with the usual-absolute anger and disgust. My father-in-law who happily admits he wanted his son aborted is angry. Whatever. I want a new family.

Well, that's done with. All parents and grandparents down. Not a single congratulations. Just anger form people who take as little interest in our lives as possible in the best of circumstances. I'm beat.

I am getting panicky as I get closer to tomorrow. At 9 Am, I have to bring Posco to the dentist. at 10.30 AM, Rosey Posey and Posco have check-ups, and all the kids have to come because the two teens are going to be with me. All this running around is going to wear me out by noon, and I will have to cook and do mothery stuff. Pray I get through it without a hitch. TIA!

Trying to be fun and creative while pregnant. I am almost sure my morning sickness is starting to abate...finally! I no longer experience sea sickness from trying to concentrate on things like books, or sewing. I have been able to do my daily minimum of three loads each day. Although don't ask me to plan a decent meal just yet that doesn't involve something frozen. Let's not push it.

But the absent mindedness-this is ridiculous! I tried to sew the simplest top for my daughter today, and what a fiasco I got myself into! It was going to be a nice Sunday project and a surprise for my daughter. I think the stupid thing had like 7 steps total or something like that. First I couldn't thread my serger. I just sat there staring at the dang thing looking at the arrows wondering what to do next. Then the instructions might as well have been in Greek or upside down. I kept getting the steps wrong. Normally, I have been sewing long enough that I've seen the steps so many times before, so they need not be scrutinized too carefully. For example, I don't have to read how to hem a skirt, or even need the instructions to tell me that is the last step. But I made the dumbest mistakes. I kept sewing the wrong pieces together when I totally knew better and wonder "why on earth did I do that?" Then I went to press the interfacing onto a piece of fabric, but had it upside down, so I only succeeded in getting it stuck to the ironing board. I was like in this perpetual state of dysfunction.

At the time it was frustrating, now it is almost comical.Today I learned a valuable lesson: if I am going to sew for fun these days, realize that is all it is going to amount to: fun , but don't expect anything to be worn...unless it is out of revenge.

So here's what has happened with that incident. A "friend" looked up the records for us. There was " just a blotter" (for those who know cop-speak, I guess you know what this means) filed saying my little one did run into the street, the first lady stopped her car, the lady behind her almost hit her and she called the police. The officer spoke to me warning me to watch my kids. Other than that, nothing was sent to child protective services, or beyond that.

I wish someone would have explained that to me right then and there. I am guessing when I went inside and asked my 13-year old to watch her while I spoke to my husband...he sort of didn't, and didn't want to tell me...I don't know. That's the only explanation that makes sense about how this all happened, how she got back up the steps and on our property without a peep, and was playing where I left her, within the time frame...who cares. I am grateful she's OK and no social workers will be knocking on my door . I am not letting her out again...without a leash. This job is hard.

Dawn Eden proposes we start a campaign telling Senator Biden to Keep your rosaries off my uvula!"

This is bad. If Obama is elected, this adds the the mistaken notion that you can be Catholic and extremely pro-choice. Perhaps I shouldn't worry as practicing Catholics know the difference and this would not change their minds. This is starting to truly look more like a spiritual war and less like a political election. Tells me I have to step up the prayers.

Berylla was fussy because her brothers were running in and out, playing with their friends, and she wanted to go outside too. I usually do not like going out with her these days because I am not very fast (we live on a busy street), and she is. My oldest son said he would watch her and it was about time for Daddy to come home. So I plopped myself out on the front porch and and directed traffic: "Posco," (my 13-year old on Oct. 12) "there goes Berylla getting close to the edge of the parking lot, get her before she gets in the street. Posco, she ran to the other side of the house and I can't see her, please get her...and so it went on" My husband came home and I went in and stood inside by the door for a few minutes to go over the events of the day and told Posco "I'm going in for second, watch her," The usual fun with Berylla is her running around the house and Posco or another brother chasing after her...over and over and over...you get the picture. Toddler amusement.

Before I go any further, I suppose I should describe my house. We live in a largish Victorian house that is divided into four apartments on a street corner. The front of the house has three porches, two in front on either side sort of tucked into the sides of the house for the ground floor apartments (mine is the on on the far right), and one large porch in the middle for the two upstairs apartment entryways. On the right side is a small parking lot for tenants only (and only two of us even have cars) where the kids play. When I went inside, Berylla was there with three siblings and two neighbor kids playing with sidewalk chalk.

At some point the kids, and myself noticed two ladies standing all the way on the other side of the house. They were difficult to see, no, impossible to see unless I walked all the way in front of the house and stood on the side walk and looked at them. I think this is important because if they do not, from their angle, bother to look and see if someone is sitting on my porch, they have no idea if someone is there or not. I had no idea why they were there and thought maybe they were waiting for a neighbor or the landlord because we have two neighbors in the midst of moving. But they just stood there refusing to look up at anyone.

Posco came around chasing Berylla and he stopped to ask me a few questions such as when does school start, what time does he have to get up, etc. etc. Berylla was kind of picking up stones and walking back and forth until she lost interest and started to cross to the other side of the house. As she did that, I noticed a police car pull up to the curb in front of the other side of the house. I thought nothing of it because as this is near a busy intersection, they tend to stop here. Nevertheless, I asked Posco "please go get Berylla before she wanders into the street."

"Whaaaa?" (remember, 13) (Posco can see her from where he is because he keeps looking up at her)

"Berylla! There. Street! Now!"

"Oh, there,"

So Posco wanders in front of the house and gets her. The police officer stops him and asks "do you know this little boy?" To which Posco replies "this is my sister". The police officer follows him over to me and I get up.

"is this your little boy?"

I am baffled because Ian is not quite a "little boy", then I realize he meant Fifi despite the fact she was wearing pink flowered capris, a white gauze peasant top with embroidered flowers, and bobby socks with white Keds sneakers-very androgynous (um, NOT).

"Um, yes that is my daughter,"

"do you realize she just almost went into the street,"

"I didn't realize she got that close to the street yet, but that is why I sent my son to get her and bring her back here,"

"Well, do you have any idea what child endangerment is? Letting children run around by themselves is not safe!"

And me thinking what happened was he just saved her from running into the street I started to cry and said "I asked him to get her. I'm, well you can see I don't move too fast, " (I stop short not wanting to draw attention to my pregnancy and the hwole irresponsible with too many kids thing)... so I asked him...I thought he would get her in time..."

"OK, OK, what's your name..."

So I give him my name, house number, middle name, phone number, DOB, and he goes back to his car (again, on the other side of the front of the house so I can't see him, I just knw he is over there). I assume he is in the car doing that thing officers do when they give out tickets. My husband came out and it didn't occur to me until he stepped out and noticed right away that he was not in his car, but he was talking to the two women. The two women left and the officer came back.

The officer comes back and demands "are you the father?!?" My husband asked what is happening here. The officer said something about Berylla running around unsupervised and almost getting hit by a car. Now I am semi-hysterical and still thinking that when Berylla was in front of the house a few minutes ago, she ran into the street, and that is what all this is about. Later, Posco told me she was just in front of the house, and was baffled why I kept asking him "why didn't you get her out of the street in time?" My husband, who smells something fishy right away demands "who are those two women?" the officer gets steps back and yells "that was the lady that almost hit your child, but stopped and saved your child's life! You should be grateful. You need to lose your attitude now!" And you know what? He puts his friggin' hand on his weapon! I say "Polo, please,"

My husband states "I'm not getting an attitude, but I want to know who they are and what's going on here"

"Well, it sounds like you have an attitude to me, and I don't like it." The best way I can describe it is like the officer's hackles start to raise. Hand still on his weapon.

My husband says "nevermind" and backs away, but I can see steam rising. Thankfully the officer leaves.

It only hit me then that someone called the police on us, as opposed to what I thought, that the officer was simply driving by and wanted to make sure Berylla was supervised.

Immediately, I call Home School Legal Defense. Our lawyer said that most likely we can expect a visit from a social worker tonight (he doubted it and it hasn't happened), or tomorrow, but most likely without a warrant. He said if and when they come, do not allow them to enter or say anything to them. Just give them my lawyer's name and number and they will take care of it. If they do have a warrant, check the warrant, make sure all is in order, and do not allow them to come in until I get my lawyer on the phone..and "don't worry, you can handle this..."

Afterwards we compared stories. When my husband came outside, he was instantly annoyed because he heard one of the ladies tell the officer "and there was absolutely no adult supervision anywhere!" No one, not one of the kids, not I remembers Berylla running into the street. Granted I was inside for a few minutes, but I also listen out. The front street is very busy. If a child is in the street, there would the sound of slamming on brakes and screeching. If they picked her up, why did no one see Berylla with them? Berylla would have screamed bloody murder had a stranger picked her up. And if they picked her up and brought her back, where did they bring her? To the other side of the house to run back into the street? Down the street? If she was all alone, why would they put her back where she was and not have stayed with her? If they put her back within the circle of her running around the house where was that, that we didn't notice?

No, these are people who for what ever reason (I have suspicions I will not state here) wanted to make trouble. So many times either kids of my own (every kid has done it once) has run into the street, or wandered off, and that has been the only truly spankable offense. When I have been on the side of the rescuer, I pick up the kid, knock in the closest door and say "your little one was in the street," The parents are usually grateful and say something about being more astute. Twice I had children who literally escaped out the front door, and I thought they were safe behind a locked door. Same thing, a neighbor rescued them and brought them to me. I was more than grateful. I bought alarms to stick on the door to warn me.

So why they called the police and told them they saw a little 2-year old boy wandering around with no adults, I can only guess at. The reason why I stress the "boy" thing is again, if they were so observant of what was happening, and picked up a child and saved her, how did they not notice the pink flowers and gauze top? But then again, I often notice details like that and people tell me they never see that stuff.

I also think the officer didn't allow us to address them because in the obvious flaws in the story. However, our lawyer said he should not have raised his voice at my husband and reached for his weapon.

Still, we can expect a visit tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it. I desperately need prayers. I have had a really weird week.

but I will hold off because complaining gets me nowhere...

This is a comment from Fr. Joseph on the Inside Catholic article "Obama Flunks Rick Warren's Abortion Question" by Deal Hudson:

I think it's about time we, as a culture, stop bad-mouthing people who have the humility to know that ONLY GOD knows the answer to some questions. Thank you for stating the case for pluralism, tolerance, and civility so well.

For instance, it's about time we recognize the humility displayed by Mr. Hitler and all those good Christians in the S.S. who run the gas ovens. NOBODY (except God) can know when Jews REALLY have human rights. Only the most arrogant, shallow people would dare to step in and IMPOSE ONE THEOLOGICAL OPINION regarding this question. In a modern, pluralistic society, we have separation of Church and State. It would be arrogant in the extreme for the Catholic Church, for instance, to insist that its own FAITH-BASED position on the question of gassing Jews should be IMPOSED on people who don't share the Catholic belief system.

Anyone who would arrogantly shut down the gas ovens in the name of a sectarian, theological viewpoint is breaking the social compact by which ALL religious viewpoints are welcome in our society. If you try to shut down the gas ovens, people will STILL kill Jews in back-alleys and basements, under dangerous, unsanitary conditions.

Gassing Jews is not a decision that Mr. Hitler and his Party ever take lightly. It is demeaning and insulting to suggest that they ever gas Jews CASUALLY. Although some people think the gas ovens ought to be BOMBED, violence is NOT the answer. Trying to force a ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL Jew-gassing policy on people who do not share our faith tradition, and who never take this decision frivolously, assumes that some BUREAUCRAT IN WASHINGTON knows best when Jew-gassing is appropriate and when it isn't. I thought Americans stood for LESS government, LESS bureaucracy, not more.

Surely, we can find COMMON GROUND on this issue. We should stop the sectarian bickering, and work together on reducing the NEED to gas Jews. If we put Catholic Social Teaching into practice, we can accomplish a lot more toward reducing the poverty, hunger, and lack of education that LEAD to Jew-gassing. Greater access to modern methods of preventing the BIRTH of Jews would greatly reduce the NEED to gas adult Jews.

There are good people on both sides of this issue--people of many faiths, or of no faith--but ALL points of view on Jew-gassing should be welcome in the American Tapestry. Once we start down the road of forcing our own religious tenets on those who do not share them, we put our society on the road to a Taliban-style theocracy!

Finger-pointing, scape-goating, demonizing our opponents--these strategies have never worked, and they never will.

Written by Fr. Joseph

My dear friend Patty sent me this article on my Facebook wall this morning:

By George, Give Up!
One critic begs and pleads George Lucas to PLEASE STOP already!

...After 22 years of product management, Lucas returned to directing with the unfortunate "Phantom Menace," and completed the prequel trilogy with "Attack of the Clones" and "Revenge of the Sith" between 1999 and 2005. Were these the "small, personal" films he'd been waiting all this time to create? Apparently not. He's still talking about an urge to get small, get personal, with his movies.

One word of advice for Mr. Lucas: Don't.

Two words: Please don't.

We are such intellectuals in the Upstate Moss household, you would be impressed. Our latest debate is the one that resurfaces every time George Lucas feels the need to make another stupid prequel: my husband is the true Star Wars fan because everything GL puts out is awesome and that's what it means to love SW. I on the other hand am no fan (according to my beloved) because I think the prequels were crap, and just money making, not adding anything to the story. Now I can't blame Lucas for making mo' money, mo' money, mo' money! That's what he's good at. However I have no desire to see any more of these annoying films.

The Darth Vader storyline was cool because he was evil and mysterious, and we knew little about him...and with that there was motivation to get rid of the guy. Now he is a cool whiney, Emo teenager with more apprentices than we can count (when he supposedly had none because he was too much of a Bad Ass for that). We are supposed to feel sorry for him and like him and "understand" why he is evil, when his reasons are so dumb. he is no longer cool and mysterious force to be reckoned with, just an idiot. I'm so friggin' done.

And remember that whole Sith rule, as Yoda described in Episode 1: Always two there are, no more, no less. A master and an apprentice. Well besides the fact they wanted Anakin, and Sidious and the Emperor, and that ugly bald headed black and white chick (see the Clone Wars micro-episodes from Cartoon Network). Every time they make a new "prequel" they break all their former rules which made the story intriguing. No one could be trained as a Jedi unless you were "Force strong", except for "General Greivous" (which must have taken Lucas all of 3 seconds to come up with that moniker) and his band of light saber wielding droids (Light saber's being a "Jedi only" weapon). Now we have Sith here there and everywhere: Darth Vader, Darth Maul, Darth Plagueis, Darth Sidious, Exar Kun, Darth Malik, Darth Revan, Darth Tyrannus and Lumiya (Vader's apprentice who we never heard of until 25 years after the Star wars movies). Who cares about Darth Vader anymore?Yes, I know, these weren't all the same storyline, but it's so redundant, it makes what was once a fun sci fi movie a cliche.

If someone sees the movie and has positive reviews, please let me know. My husband, no doubt, will say it's great.

A few months ago, I signed up for the Designer Mystery Block of the Month Club and now I have two packets of fabric sitting on my sewing table, waiting to be devoured, but I can't even look at them. You know I am feeling crappy and of no use to anyone when I can't manage to sew one stupid block a month.

Each day my laundry piles up, if I get the energy to to do a load or two, the done laundry piles up in little folded piles designated by child, on the back of the couch...where they fall off behind the couch or in between couch cushions. Meals, I can't even think about meal planning without getting extra nauseous, let alone cook. As of today, I am 14 weeks and 3 days. I have never been sick for this long, or at least this sick. I am getting scared because instead of better, I seem to be getting worse. I am not worried so much about health, they say every pregnancy is different, so I guess I am due for one that is 9 months of fatigue and morning sickness. But I hate this, this isn't me. If my house gets messy, it is not because I cannot clean up. I don't spend this much time on the computer or watching daytime TV in an attempt to stay up and awake. I do Mommy stuff all day. Now I just. can't. No matter how much I want to, my body just will not move. I have forgotten what it feels like to be me, and now I am this person stuck in an invisible block of concrete I absolutely detest.

I have this horrible fear that I am going to feel like this for the rest of my life. I am going to end this pregnancy and then go right into post partum and all that fun stuff. another colicky baby who will not let me put them down, and post partum depression, and no clothes that fit. And I still will not be able to cook and clean and sew...and home school. Ohmygosh, the school year is like here and I have no idea what I am doing yet, and I cannot muster the emotional energy to figure it out. Anyone who home schools knows it is not simply picking out books, but you have to be emotionally motivated for it to be successful. When it was time to send in my IHIP, I wrote the school district, and called, and left messages asking them about procedures to put the kids in school, and they have not responded, which does not sit well with me (they have always gotten back to me the next day regarding h/s stuff, I guess to let me know they are watching me). I know, I haven't been pushy enough because I am not confident in my decision...and I have been so sick... Also, speaking to the other neighborhood kids, apparently our lovely school district has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates and drug problems in the state, especially in the 8th grade which my son will attend. But I am equally not confident I can home school at all this year. I wish I had more time and I wish god would say "do this!". Part of me thinks that is the silence from the school district-God directing me. But then He has to give me some more energy...

What if I never come out of this? What if I am this useless forever and the world just falls apart because I just couldn't get up?

Update: I finally heard back from the school district. 'Bout time.

Posting it on your blog or course, especially when the fact are none other then The National Enquirer. But unfortunately, the major news networks are much more respectable and don't publish true politician dirt...unless of course they find stuff on Bush.

So, since I know people who visit P&P are respectable people who do not read Perez Hilton, I'll share some of the fun stuff with you (actually, it's not fun at all and my heart bleeds for Mrs. Edwards and her children):

According to the Enquirer:

- Edwards' political operatives are still paying the mistress and alleged baby momma Rielle Hunter. She was also reportedly whisked away on a private jet two days before he confessed their extramarital affair on national TV!

- Edwards secretly visited Rielle and their love child three separate times at the Beverly Hilton hotel in Los Angeles this year. So the July visit was one of three? Bastard!

- After Edwards confessed the affair to his wife, he restarted it, and was sexually involved with Rielle when she became pregnant.

- Despite his denials, Edwards WAS aware that his former finance committee chairman, Fred Baron, was funneling money to Rielle.

The Enquirer is also reporting that experts are now calling for a federal investigation into Edwards' use of campaign funds.

Remember, Rielle was given $100K to produce Edwards campaign videos.

Wonder how past Edwards contributers feel about their hard earned money going to Johnny's ho?????

Update: There is an article today about Mrs. Edward's perspective during all of this. I have little tolerance for infidelity, especially dirty old men who cheat on their loyal companions of 30 years who have terminal cancer. Oddly, it probably gives this woman no comfort to know we all think her husband is a complete ass who made a horrible choice in judgment. The only thing that would help would be to go back in time and un-jerkify Mr. Edwards somehow. I wish I could do that for her. :(

Last year, when a woman in Berryville, Arkansas went into the hospital to deliver her baby by Cesarean section, she did not request or authorize her doctor to also perform a tubal ligation. But that minor detail didn't stop Dr. Shirolyn Ruth Moffett from doing just that. Dr. Moffett claims that she surgically ensured that this woman would never have another child because she feared that the patient's uterus would burst if she ever got pregnant again.

Not only did Dr. Moffett perform this procedure without permission, she failed to inform the woman after the fact and made no notation of what she had done on her medical chart.

I personally think this happens a great deal, but the doctors are able to convince the patient after-the-fact that it is what's best for them, so the patient just goes along with it. I have heard many stories if not where the doctor has succeeded, where they have made attempts.

Myself included.

I had one doctor who kept writing "tubal ligation" on my chart and never brought it to my attention until I saw another doctor in the practice and she asked me about it. I said that was a mistake. I saw my regular doctor later, and oddly, it was on my chart again. I told my doctor I was 22, and had two children, and didn't want a tubal. She told me I had too many children, and ordered me "don't you come back to this office again until you decide a method of birth control for after you have this baby!"

Oddly, I went back to that group with the next pregnancy (insurance, they were supposedly anti-abortion, I was young and stupid), and the same thing happened.

How many women did this tactic work with?

I have been reeling from some of the comments I read on the Inside Catholic article (last entry on this, I promise). I think it started when I followed an entry Dawn Eden posted on WIC and PP, and I followed it to Michelle Malkin's blog when Michelle linked to it. One of the first comments I read stated:

Sorry, but I fully support this. I am tired of paying for these morons mistakes (and the “paying” goes on for 18 years then the cycle starts again when that child is an adult). I would much rather see Planned parenthood used to PREVENT the pregnancy in the first place through birth control (and yes that is their main focus), but abortions do have a place in many cases. Frankly, I would like to see the gov’t refuse to increase welfare for every baby. I find it downright selfish and self centered for these women to get pregnant then whine to taxpayers to support them. Especially, when that bundle of joy is an “anchor baby” for the sole pupose of citizenship. Screw that. If this makes me “mean spirited”, then so be it. And yes I understand the gov’t should not be in the business of paying for abortions. But again it is the choice of pay a 1 time cahrge or pay for the 10 generations.

Granted, Michelle Malkin's blog is far from a Catholic one, but what's with the anger? For me personally, my husband has to pay taxes or go to jail. Not much of an option. So if we have to pay, I'm cool with it going to programs that keep American citizens from starving. Yes, they are imperfect programs, but it's what we got. I suppose if I were this angry, I would be more angry at taxing in general. I'm not though. I like roads, I like schools, I like having a military. I think it's a mark of a civilized society that does not allow people to starve.

But sadly, I saw similar sentiments at Inside Catholic, except instead of birth control and abortion, the method of choice was NFP. I'd rather not link to them.

I know people who are generations of welfare recipients. I do get annoyed that since they receive every type of assistance available, they have more wiggle room with their money. Their kids all have brand new, brand name clothes, and they look down their nose at me because I let my "kids go out looking like anything". But that is where the benefits begin and end. I think if I were living like that, without the father of my children, no room for advancement, I would try to find reasons as to why I maintain some self-respect such as at least my children are always clean and well-dressed. It's human nature I suppose.

I also suppose it could be argued that I am over sensitive because I have been in situations where I have had to take advantage of various social services benefits over the years. I have never been on welfare Thank God, but I feel it is because I have lucked out and never been in a position to need it. Frankly, I could care less what mean people think we had to survive and I don't think I earn any spiritual points by choosing not to accept help when we needed it, (and paid into it) just so I can be smug in a combox and say "well, I never accepted help!" Truly, what makes me sad is the refusal to understand where a person is coming from and that if they were raised in the same exact situation, they would probably be on welfare or whatever.

I am not sure as Catholics we are supposed to publicly look so insensitive and uncaring. I understand what it is to admonish the sinner, but aren't you supposed to give the sinner guidance and an alternative to do things correctly? Or is the idea to let the world know they are wrong and you are right and you are completely put out by their wrongness? I am just missing where Jesus' true teaching is in all of this. The liberals put so much focus on social justice, the traditionals on admonishing sins, but aren't both a part of our faith?

Update: Deal Hudson on charity on the Internet. I have a lot to learn as well.

One of the horrible things I used to make my children repeatedly endure was the Dead President's soundtrack, which I think is one of the best CDs ever (movie sucked though-I think it was an excuse to put Mt. Vernon on the map and make a damn, good CD). Sadly we lost it in a car accident years ago. I am sorry I lost that CD because the first track is Isaac Hayes' slammin' rendition of Walk On By.

I am so smitten with his little girl!

Yeah, she seriously needs some hair.

I think it has taken me 6 kids to realize I like this age (18-24 months). I always associate the toddler years with learning the word "no", and finding new and unique ways to use it. Toddlers means throwing food and potty accidents. But there is another side to this age. They are like still babies, but babies who can communicate a bit better and actually show preferences and affection and even tell silly baby jokes in their own way.

I usually refrain from telling people how great I think my kids are because well, everyone feels that way about their own kids and no one feels that way about other people's kids. There is always this weird and annoying mother who thinks that the way she feels means there is something so much more incredible and unique about that child, as opposed to this is motherhood. You know, you see her in the schoolyard everyday waiting to pick up your own rugrats, and she has new pictures each day of Trevor and the dog, Trevor at Lake George, Trevor walking into the bathroom, Trevor walking back out of the bathroom, Trevor trying on pants at Gap kids, and oh, look how funny, those pants are too big! But we found the ones that fit Trevor just fine...see here's the picture. As a result, when I talk about kid stuff and Mommy stuff, I try to keep the conversations relatable and neutral. You know, how you deal with lack of sleep, teenagers being teenagers, boys and boys' interests, that kind of thing.

But yesterday, Berylla spent the whole day pulling out the stops and being the cutest 20-month-old little girl in the Upstate NY Moss household! First she kept skipping from room to room, then she did so hugging the doll I made her for Christmas saying "awww, Baby. Baby." Then if you gave her a hug and a kiss she'd giggle. Oh, and she kept showing me her toes saying "Mommy, tink-ee, tink-ee (stinky)." The last one I kept showing my husband to which he looked at me like I had 8 heads for being charmed by this. I told him he has no soul, or heart or both. Rosey Posey informed me that there is nothing cute about her smelling her toes and proclaiming they are stinky. Berylla fixed her when she ran up to her yelling her name with her arms wide open for a hug. I think I even saw Rosey Posey smile.

So what's a mother to do when no one wants to pay attention to how incredibly awesome her little girl is? Hold people who read my blog hostage of course!

Danielle complements her article with an encouraging blogpost, Humble and Heroic. (Actually I think the article complemented this post as the article is dated later.)

HT:Ordinary Time

So my mother-in-law who is naturally outraged about our upcoming new arrival, told my husband that she had a great way to look at this.

"You know,"she told my husband "since you and Pansy are fertile, Pansy can sell her eggs and get $50,000 for them!"

"No, she's not doing that. Besides, she's too old."

Thanks for straightening that out, Hon. (No, I am not annoyed at him, but something about being reminded that you are suddenly "too old" never sits well.)

This idea is laughable not only because the obvious Catholic thing, 1. I am too old and 2. the going rate in Albany is more like $3000, not $50,000. It may be more in Central NJ, but I doubt that much more. Why the heck would I sell my eggs without knowing what would happen to my children?

What is slightly upsetting about this is OK, i get that even though my mother-in-law is a baptized Catholic, how many people fall into this category and haven't got a single clue what the Church teaches. Typical, I know. But there is something slightly (or maybe not so slightly) upsetting about people who are supposed to take a personal interest in you, who butt in to admonish you about your personal choices (home schooling, too many kids) and never ask nor seek to find out what it you believe exactly. I just couldn't imagine if my son was following a faith that were the reasons behind him making some counter-cultural choices (good or bad), I'd be curious about the roots of those beliefs.

Danielle Bean has an excellent article over at Inside Catholic that I so needed today.

I read this and I started to cry:

When a battle-weary mother stands alone in her bathroom looking with disbelief at two tiny pink lines on a pregnancy test, it's too late for family-planning discussions of clinical effectiveness. We've got a baby to take care of. And his mother...

"Soon after I announced that we were (unexpectedly) pregnant with our eighth child," an older mom once wrote me, "I came out of Mass one day and found an NFP flyer tucked under the windshield wiper of my van. I even wondered if it was our pastor who put it there."

Shame on us.

Whether we love NFP or hate it, whether we choose to use it in our marriages or not, whether we have one child or 16 children, we Catholics have no business receiving new life with anything but charity and joy. We have no business labeling our fellow Catholics, in their time of need and vulnerability, as crazy or irresponsible.

It takes courage for many Catholic couples to continue to refuse contraception, to remain open to life in their marriages, even when their circumstances are already difficult and they are hoping to avoid another pregnancy. The "99 percent effective" number people like to throw around about NFP becomes a much smaller one when translated into "user effectiveness."

Thank you and God bless you.

On the 4th of July, I was at a get together at a girlfriend's house along with some of her extended family. I was having a conversation with her where we were talking about one of our recent fun adventures of the flu going through the house, and our jobs as mothers to clean up, diagnose, feed and care for people despite having the flu ourselves. Her brother with motives I will never understand, randomly made the comment in passing "Oh, you're friggin' hypochondriac, Man!" It was an odd remark as it was out of place as there was nothing to the conversation that was out of the ordinary. She was shaken by this remark. Like me, she has family members that actually are hypochondriacs, and many of us who have been affected by this behavior tend to underplay when we are sick so as not to be perceived as a hypochondriac.

Unfortunately this in and of itself is not healthy either as people tend to ignore simple health problems like a persistent cold and cough until it turns into full blown pneumonia, as was the case with my girlfriend. I have a feeling she was hoping her family would note the contrast between her and her hypochondriac family member, but in turn they just ended up rolling their eyes for making mountains out of molehills and being hospitalized for pneumonia. So when her brother made this remark she stopped short and told him she has always striven, albeit perhaps not in the most healthy manner, to not be that type of person and it hurt her deeply to hear that remark because of it. Her brother's reaction was simply to wave his hand in the air and say "Oh, lighten up already! You can't take a joke." End of discussion.

I was there and I have seen this over and over again. People saying something really stupid with the original intent to injure. The remarks are usually an attack on character as opposed just simply remembering something that could be construed as funny. It is never "oh gosh, I remember that time we went to the movies and spilled the popcorn, and while you tried to pick up the popcorn, your kid spilled the soda-it seemed like you couldn't cut a break that day!" It is more along the lines of "You're such a klutz!" When the person they are referring to does not simply lie down and be insulted, they take no responsibility by saying "oh that was a joke, such and such needs to lighten up and be able to laugh at themselves."

It is so common that I wonder why it is not common bad etiquette like telling your host they are a horrible cook or racial slurs. But then again, I noticed that people who subscribe to this kind of behavior have no respect for personal boundaries anyway.

Last week I was happy to see someone else had addressed this behavior before, none other than C.S. Lewis in The Screwtape Letters:

The real use of Jokes or Humour in in quite a different direction, and it is sepcially promised among the English who take their 'sense of humour' so seriously that deficiency in this sense is almost the only deficiency at which they feel shame. Humour is for them the all-consoling and (mark this) the all-excusing, grace of life. Hence it is invaluable as a means of destroying shame. If a man simply let's other pay for him, he is 'mean'; if he boasts of it in a jocular manner and twits his fellows with having been scored off, he is no longer 'mean' but a comical fellow. Mere cowardice is shameful; cowardice boasted of with humorous exaggerations and grotesque gestures can be passed off as funny. Cruelty is shameful-unless the cruel man can represent it as a practical joke. A thousand bawdy, or even blasphemous, jokes do not help towards a man's damnation so much as his discovery that almost anything he wants to do can be done, not only without the disapproval but with admiration of his fellows, if only it can get itself treated as a Joke. And this temptation can almost be entirely hidden from your patient by that English seriousness about Humour. Any suggestion that there might be too much of it can be represented to him as 'Puritanical' or as betraying a 'lack of humour'.

I had my prenatal visit the other day and the PA mentioned that at 18 weeks, if I so choose, I could get genetic counseling, a level II ultrasound, and perhaps an amnio to look for birth defects-specifically Down Syndrome. I am now 35, therefore officially of "advanced maternal age" making the chances of having a Down Syndrome child go up substantially. The more advanced my age, the more "up" my chances go, and from what she described, it seems once I hit 40, well, don't even try reproducing (ha ha, I just made a funny..."try" ha ha).

She said this is just and offer (about 100 x's), and not necessary (I had the feeling the fact that i was pro-life showed somewhere). I said I would ask my husband and so I did. He said if it makes me feel comfortable, sure but in his estimation we do not need it. It's our baby, nothing they reveal would stop us from having the baby, end of story. Good answer. In my pregnancy brain, I flip flop back and forth over the dumbest details and I think were I asked this when I wasn't pregnant, it would be a cut and dry answer, but now I am emotional and I worry, and am indecisive and I need a partner in all this life stuff to tell me what to do until I'm sane again.

13 years ago, when I was 22 years old and pregnant with my Number 2, Posco, my AFP Triple screen came out "funny" (according to the doctor who left a message on my answering machine). So they sent us to genetic counseling, an ultrasound and an amnio. We of course opted to go because the doctor scared the living daylights out of us and gave me the impression that this was simply the next step after a Triple Screen. And I of course *thought* the idea was to give us a head's up to prepare for a child who might have special needs (I was actually thinking Spinabifida more so than Down's).

The genetic-screen-counselor person told me I had about the same chance of having a baby with Down Syndrome as a 35-year-old woman (oh, the irony) which was pretty high (according to them).Before I had a 1 in 1 million chance of having a child with Down's Syndrome, now it was like 1 in 200 (I don't remember the exact stats, but they were startling). We had the ultra sound, we had the amniocentesis and the doctor who did the procedure said "18 weeks is still early enough along to take care of it if we find out there is bad news today." I felt stupid and angry and felt that by participating, I unwittingly contributed somehow to the philosophy that children are disposable. I told my mother this story and she rolled her eyes at my melodrama (as par the course) and said her doctor told her these tests were to perhaps fix an anomaly that could be fixed or to prepare parents in advance.

I know the usual pro-life mom tagline is simply to reject these tests, and I don't think I had a Triple Screen again after that incident with my following 4 children. Like my husband said, I will most likely turn down the tests this time around. But it makes me wonder: preparing ahead if you have a child who needs special attention does not seem anti-life to me. I think if I had a pro-life, NFP only doctor, I might opt for the tests. Do women who are lucky enough to have NFP only docs, who feel confident that abortion is not an ulterior motive accept these tests? Or do these doctors simply not offer these tests? I guess the overall question is what would women's health care look like if the industry wasn't so obsessed with birth control and abortion and you had confidence that your doctor was genuinely trying to take care of you and not sterilize you.

I guess that means ceviche is out too? I suppose that would make sense since the prohibition is against raw fish as opposed to Japanese food. I am craving everything I can't eat: hoagies, sushi, bleu and Camembert cheese. I read somewhere that once something is prohibited, that is exactly what you want, but I think the answer is simpler than that-it's summer and cold, simple food is appealing in summer.

i may go splurge on some veggie sushi...

(I know, really deep after the Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn tribute.)