Pansyiana: July 2008 Archives

And whining every few hours in the Facebook status block is not enough. The other night I was gagging through doing dishes. It was after supper, which always means I am sicker than before I ate. I break out into sweats, the fatigue worsens, and the nausea just doubles. So here I am expending every ounce of energy I have to get through the dishes and please, please hold down supper. Rosey Posey was at my side yakking about the imperative need to have her hair put in dredlocks right away. I nodded and "uh huhed" through the conversation paying close attention to the task at hand until I heard a chorus of "Mom? Mom? Mom? Can't you do it? Can't you do it right away? I read it doesn't have anything to do with not washing? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?" to which I answered "Rosey Posey, please..."

To that she stomped off and tattled on me to her father. What was my dear, and understanding husband's reply? "Don't worry, Mommy's moods will even out in another month." What the? My "mood". For crying out loud, this is kid number 7 and after all this time he still thinks this is nothing more than a grumpy spell?

Is there a man out there who "gets" morning sickness? Is there anyone for that matter? How is it every time I go to the OB/Gyn office, they lecture me about eating right. Now mind you prior to having morning sickness, I worked out an hour five days a week, I had no trouble gobbling meals of brown rice and steamed vegetables. Yet I go to the doctor's office, step on the scale and get a reproachful look from the nurse: "you gained 5 pounds". The doctor's reply is always the same, she writes out a scrip to send me to a nutritionist because I obviously need a crash course on the basics of the four food groups. I explain "I am so sick, and my mouth fills up with saliva and it is so gross. The only relief I get is when I eat and the only food I can stomach are cheeseburgers. And I cannot work-out because I only have so much energy. I tried, I walked two miles the other day and I couldn't keep my eyes open for the rest of the day like I was drugged." He/she looks at me and nods as if to say "Silly little Hispanic lady," (remember I have brown hair, therefore I am Hispanic) "we know how you love soda and Kool-Aid and are making excuses for your tons of bad lifestyle habits!"* , and hands me the dang scrip. Aaaaahhhhh!!!

Now tell me, am I alone? Am I the only one who has been in this doctor's office complaining of morning sickness? Am I the only person who finds relief in eating, and despite knowledge of the difference between a good diet and a bad one, can only choke down a few cheese fries? Am I the only one who gags while brushing their teeth to the point that when it is time, you pace in front of the bathroom to gear yourself up to finally brush? Also, if you don't you will be gagging because of the taste in your mouth. Or do you have to keep a mask on with some kind of fresh smell to keep from being overwhelmed by the smell of, well, everything? Am I the only one who gets up in the morning, has enough energy to put clothes on, and that's it. Energy supply spent.Then I sit at the dining room table with my head down hoping to get the energy to fold an item of clothing, or fix the next meal or something else I need to do. Is anyone else totally thirsty all the time, but water seems to burn going down?

Please someone tell me I am not alone because I feel like I am losing, my. freakin'. mind. I am like completely dysfunctional. Yes, I know this will pass and it always does, but it does not last for a day, it lasts like 10 weeks. Do you know what a house with four boys six kids looks like after ten weeks of a useless Mommy? Hint: it ain't pretty and I hope no one knocks on my door.

And the "expert advice": "eat saltines", "don't drink while eating", "don't lie down", "go exercise", "don't eat fried food", "don't eat vegetables". C'mon now, where is the advice for the real human beings? Admit it, ya'll don't know what ya'll be talking about, so you just had to write something on the subject to keep the 'expert" credentials.

I have been spending an inordinate amount of time on the computer lately because it has me sitting up in the living room (as opposed to lying on my bed) and at least looking at the kids like I am a responsible parent or something. Reading, sewing, all the relaxing hobbies I love and could be doing, make me nauseous.

Rant over, I think...Please if there are any commiserating Mommies reading this, let me know I am not alone.

*I have no idea if that is what the doctor is thinking, but when I am this miserable and the doctor is "hmmm"ing me about a subject they are supposed to know a thing or two about, all kinds of evil and crazy conclusions enter my mind.

Yesterday my husband was working. He was doing a demolition job on an apartment building that had a fire in Saratoga. He was brining debris back and forth to a big industrial dumpster they had downstairs. During one of his trips, he said there was a little old Italian lady who asked "Do you mind if a throw a few things away in your dumpster? I have 40 years worth of junk in my apartment I am trying to get rid of."

"Sure no problem" and he went back upstairs to continue work.

His partner went to bring down garbage and came back up. He asked my husband "did you see the little old lady?"

"Yeah, I told she can throw a couple of things away."

"Yeah she told me. She said 'That Darkie said I could throw a few things away in your dumpster.' "

You know it's funny, 15 years ago, after I had my first, I would have considered myself the go-to person for advice. I loved going to Mom's groups and talking shop, being able to share my tidbits of information that I have learned with other new Moms in exchange for their pieces of knowledge describing things like how to get a shower each day. We would commiserate over the prospects of never seeing a movie again or what to do with a toddler in a restaurant (of course you pack a cooler full of healthy finger-foods and you walk around with them instead of sitting any enjoying your meal). Or we would offer opinions about the latest study that suggested you should never put footwear on a pre-walking baby, even in winter else you stunt their development due to sensory deprivation. Or how tofu was one of the best first finger foods to give. Ohmygosh, I don't think I could have stood to be around me. I can't imagine sitting around talking boring baby/toddler crap for more than 5 minutes, let alone picking up another issue Parenting Magazine to find out what I might have missed. You know, the rules are so simple: don't give them raw meat (especially before they get teeth), get some vegetables into them, keep them clean, try to deter them from eating dirt and garbage and I don't know, hug them as much as possible (seriously, that's the most important).

In retrospect, I get it. Changing from not having children to having children is huge. People have no idea until they each do it themselves. Your life is totally turned upside-down and inside-out. With your first, if you were a person who dressed nicely and wore earrings, now you wear sweats because you never leave the house, are covered in spit up and earrings are gone because the baby pulls on them. Who knew? So it makes sense to think you learned a thing or two by undergoing this complete transformation.

Here's the weird part: while I would have stepped forward with advice on how to get baby to sleep 14 years ago, today and 6 or 7 (I lost count) kids later, I'd be the first to admit I don't know what the heck I'm doing. After 14 years of reading ,Dr. Sears, Dr. Brazelton, Dr. Mendelsohn, and Dr. Spock; subscriptions to Parents, Child, and Parenting Magazines (the last I have not renewed a subscription to in 6 years, yet I keep getting it with "This is your last issue" notices), you think I would have picked something up. (With the periodicals, the same advice gets recycled over and over again, much of it contradictory One month it will be "Well Baby Visits: Are They Necessary" and an article condemning parents who miss them as neglectful and 4 months later it will be "Well Baby Visits: How Necessary Are They?" stating that being late for one or two when a child is obviously healthy is not going to hurt anyone. 8 months later, it's back to the original "a child's life depends on well baby visits" article.) Seriously, of course I have, but every new child has both given me confidence and thrown my confidence for a loop. Every child is so different and some of the experience you gained from child #2, you might as well ball it up and throw it out because you will never need what you learned there again.

So here I am with pregnancy number 7 wondering if anyone would like to offer their 2 cents on how to survive morning sickness. People are probably thinking "Hey Lady, if you don't know, who does?", but I don't think I have ever been this sick and dysfunctional before. Maybe I have been, and was so grateful when it was over that I never looked back. But this is hard! i have so much crap to do and I can only get one or two things out of twenty done before my body shuts down. I try hard to one more task, and I am paying for it big time with ten times the nausea. But for example, I have never been this sick with 6 kids, 3 of which eat adult value meals at McDonald's and gas nearly $5 a gallon, therefore making blowing off cooking supper for one a financial impossibility. So you see, the rules are constantly changing.

And my kids, ohmygosh, what annoying little buggers! It never occurred to me how much I have to keep on their little behinds (and how much physical energy that exerted) to do their chores. Now I haven't got the energy to do anything more than "Posco, clean the kitty litter, Posco, clean the kitty litter..." and of course that isn't enough to ensure it gets done. And requesting for help beyond their regular chore roster only incites yelling at the younger one under them for doing nothing to help...yet nothing still gets done. One rule is no video games during the day, no TV until chores are done (during the school year, no games during the week period and TV for evening shows). Every time I turn around, these buggers are turning on games and the fight starts "No games until... (insert what needs to be done)" which elicits one of two responses: "Oh, ok, I didn't know" or "Why not? That's not fair!" Yet, after I yell a few times they win out because I am too queasy to keep yelling, I have a constant migraine, and my thoughts are constantly occupied with finding new ways of breathing without smelling anything in the world.

So any advice on dealing with morning sickness, tying up kids, getting boosts of energy with pregnancy fatigue, bending the wills of little people to do your bidding (mwoo ha ha ha), telling teenagers to just get dressed already, keeping a house running clean and smooth when you can't get up and do anything, would be most appreciated.

5 weeks ago it was just this:

My neighbor, "Gathie" was 17 years old and was pregnant. She delivered a baby via c-section, and when the nurses got her up to walk, she died instantly of a blood clot in her heart. Or that is the story in the neighborhood.

The baby survived.

This is a sad story. Her younger siblings were my children's playmates and they said when Gathie was a baby, she had heart problems which she survived...to die so tragically.