Pansyiana: April 2009 Archives

10!

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My Fastolph is 10 years old today! Where does the time go? It seems like yesterday I was at the hospital, watching the tragic news about Columbine, and having such mixed emotions: sadness about the then current events and joy with our new little one.

Celebrations to commence with pizza and pina colada cake, and a trip to the Zoo this weekend. :)

Moss Milestones

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A week ago was Posco's winter sports banquet dinner for wrestling. It was a big deal lasting 4 1/2 hours (they left an hour early). I had no idea wrestling was such a popular sport, but apparently Amsterdam takes it pretty seriously ranking third in the state. Posco was shocked to find out he won a trophy:

Ian's trophy

2008-09 Amsterdam Modified Wrestling
Ian Alejandro
Most Improved Wrestler

I didn't know, but many of the kids attended "wrestling camp" before joining, so just signing up an learning the sport from scratch-well the kid done pretty good.

I am kind of new to the competitive world of school sports. To me the concept is to have an activity to get exercise, learn sportsmanship and have fun. Many parents seem to think it is, well something else I don't quite comprehend. Either way, we're proud of our Posco.

March 29 was another milestone. It was Rosey Posey's 16th birthday. Imagine that!
Ask about this one too

We gave her her first cell phone: a prepaid Tracfone. We told her she shouldn't waste minutes on too much texting or use it when she can call from home. And she needs to call home as she was borrowing her friends when she needed to get in touch with us from track practice. So the concept of a cell phone for my child went from the category of "Ridiculous Pointless Costly Show of Capitalism" to something that would serve a purpose. In 3 days she used up all her minutes. She claimed it was calling her father for rides, but closer inspection showed 55 texts making pivotal statements such as "LOL, I can text U!". Here is a good opportunity in lessons of money management.

We were also informed that a prepay is not a "real cell phone". Too bad.

Overall the celebration was nice. I made two pans of one of her favorite dishes, baked rigatoni, and brought it to my folks place (it is much easier for us to go to them rather than they come to us these days). This was good because my mother didn't have to cook. I hate making her cook for us,I know she is tired these days. She did make meatballs, which I think she enjoys doing. (Rosey Posey claims to be tired of red sauce, but the rest of the family needs something red on Sunday dinner.)I also made a cake and brought it. I always ask the kids what type a cake they would like for their birthdays, and she picked a winner. Those of you familiar with the Cake Mix Doctor, it was a simple butter cake with chocolate frosting. We all settled in and watched Twilight, which was a gift from her aunt and uncle. It was truly one of those "does life get much better than this" times.

Overheard in the Upstate Moss Home

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Rosey Posey: No Mom, wait, do go in there. You don't really want to go in there!

Pansy: Stop yes! I do! I haven't seen Lord of the Rings in a long time. And I want to see it in the living room so I can watch it with surround sound.

Rosey Posey: Surround soun-what? Are you kidding me? What are you, a man? What do you care about surround sound?

I'm such an ingrate

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So now little Septimus is here, I am thankful to God. Thankful for my sweet, sweet boy, and thankful that physically, I feel good. I felt incredibly crappy for the duration of the pregnancy from morning sickness in the beginning to all the body aches and the inability to walk in the end. No more low iron issues. No more heaviness. I can walk. I can breath. I can eat. It's wonderful.

Before I had Septimus, I had everything ready-the stroller, the swing, the car seat. I just needed the baby. They say a mother forgets about labor after the fact, allowing her to have other children. I think that is a fallacy after so many children-I was in a sheer panic about labor prior to having Septimus. The memory of the pain was front and center. However, I do forget how incredibly sucky this part of motherhood is-the newborn stage. I remember it being difficult, but I forget how incredibly difficult.

Each day I get up and rush into the shower before my husband leaves. When he and the kids all depart the house at 7.25, I have this wave of panic run through me with the unrealistic realization that I have been abandoned. I don't think it is a totally abnormal feeling (right Moms?), and my normal course of action to stifle it is just get started. Get breakfast, get school, get a load of laundry in, clean the house, think of something fun to do later for my therapy (usually sew or bake something or get a work-out in), perhaps shop around on Etsy for a cute pattern to sew. Before you know it, it's 5.30, supper's ready and everyone you missed so desperately is home! And look what you accomplished! Someone read another chapter in their reader, someone has a new dress, the rug is vacuumed, another teeth cleaning is behind us for 6 months!

Now I have my 6th colic baby who screams from the second he opens his eyes until I can get them closed again (actually, I have to hold him while he sleeps or he wakesup screaming no matter where I put him). Or if I put him down. And I don't know why. And I don't care why. In the past we did chiropractors, cutting out wheat and dairy, music, swings, simethicone drops-everything. Now it's get passed the 3 month mark. Nothing else works.

I get about 5% of what I have to get done, done. I know many a wise Mom advises "just let him scream and do what you gotta do", but his screams have an instant physiological reaction in my body that feels like someone taking an egg beater to my nervous system. It's unbearable. So in the meantime, I just watch the house fall apart around me, get the bare minimum of school done, daydream about sewing projects I would like to finish before my kids get hold of the packages of bias tape and use them to tie each other up with.

I know this will pass because it always has, but when? Tomorrow? Next week? Will my family survive until then?

What's frustrating is there isn't a darn person around me who has a clue what it's like. They all notice the laundry piles up, but can't figure out why. They all know I am seriously grumpy, but Mom has issues. It never occurred to anyone that the reason why things ran smoothly before is because I was running things, not because it is in the nature of a toilet used by 8 people each day to simply be clean. My husband who comes home each day after a day of work is done for the day. He doesn't get I am not done. Not at 5.30 or when I go to bed at night. Never.

To counter my ingratitude, each day I do a mental inventory of my life. I love my life. I love my family, I love homeschooling. I love showing off my kids (if it's not the kind when they are screaming in public). I am thankful for a husband that brought me home a bottle of white wine the other night just because, and takes me out for a walk each night. I know each and every one of them is a blessing from God. I can't think of anything else I would rather be doing and I am doing what I always wanted to do for as long as I can remember. And I believe in what I'm doing.

So what's the deal? How can so much joy make someone so miserable? I get through it by offering it up and simply filing it under "Crosses to bear", but there has to be an answer. There is a better way to get through this period without a crying fit everyday at 10 AM because you just want to clean the bathroom without hearing screaming, and you can't. I know the answer is staring me right in the face, but I can't grasp it.

And I know I am not alone.



Di Fattura Caslinga: Pansy's Etsy Shop
The Sleepy Mommy Shoppe: Stuff we Like
(Disclaimer: We aren't being compensated to like this stuff.
Any loose change in referral fees goes to the Feed Pansy's Ravenous Teens Fund.)


Pansy and Peony: The Two Sleepy Mommies



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