Prayer Requests: October 2003 Archives

My husband is a driver for FedEx. He is currently what you call a "swing" courier. He is responsible for knowing all the other routes and filling in when others are out. It is good because it is a higher paid position and he is pretty far up in seniority in this position so he gets pretty good vacations. The downside is his schedule changes each week and we never know what it is. We have been doing this for years, but we are sick of it. My husband works many days where he leaves at 5 something in the morning and comes home 8 at night.

A new day route has opened up for bid and it will benefit us because it is in our new area. We can count on when he comes and goes and he can come home for lunch. Please say a little prayer that he gets this route. Thanks in advance.

A couple of months ago, I blogged about a sort of "Dark Night of the Soul" I was going through and I am ashamed to say it has not gotten better, but has gotten worse. I am ashamed because I know better, that my relationship with God can only be repaired by my actions, ashamed because I know logically God is there and is there for me, ashamed because I know faith is not merely about feel good emotions and the first time I am not "feeling good", I am dropping the ball, and ashamed because the events in my life-well I have so much to be grateful and thankful for. Look at poor Terri, she was abused and the courts cannot even defend her, but have sentenced her to a slow painful death as a result. Man, I do not even have the words to describe how horrible that is. So if I know so much better, why are my emotions towards God so out of whack?

I was wondering if I am angry at God because of the events of the past summer (Gorbulas being hospitalized, marital woes and a bunch of other stuff) and the answer is no, not angry, but sort of numb. I think I have had a few breaks through. I have been very stressed over Gorbulas' asthma. On Monday he came down with sniffles. I was determined to do everything I can to avert an asthma attack. I started with his nebuliser every four hours around the clock. I began with his Pulmocort every twelve hours. Three days after treatment, he had a minor asthma attack, despite the Singulair, Pulmocort and albuterol around the clock. I realised it is out of my hands. I thought I had control over it, but I do not. I was just giving myself a headache when I should have been giving it to God. Not that I should not do everything I can, but I have been losing much sleep over trying to figure out ways to avert another asthma attack to no avail. This may sound terrible, but I have been able to trust in God's Providence in giving souls to me, perhaps I should trust in Him when it comes to taking them back? No, I am so not planning on sending any souls back to God at all, I am just saying that I can only do what I can do, which I will continue to do but I should leave the rest to Him.

I just have been so numb for so many months, I do not know how to get back to that. If a prayer can be spared, it would be appreciated. I think my husband has been at this place a little longer than I have. This scares me because one of us has to fight for the family on a spiritual leve, and neither one of us seems to be.