Yesterday, I was with Matthew at his toddler art class. The attendance is come when you want and pay $5. We are regulars because Matthew loves art. One other lady with her son is also a weekly fixture. She and I are both pregnant.
Yesterday, another lady and her adorable little girl joined us. She joked that she felt out of place among the bellies. The other mother remarked that it was time for her to have another. To that she made a general announcement to the room "Oh no! You see, I have three, so I am done!" At first, I thought she was expecting the "Gasp, three kids?" reaction, so I just smiled inwardly to myself. However, afterwards is where it got a bit awkward, and I know everyone can relate. She went on to say her husband got himself "taken care of".
In the title, I asked, "what do you do”, but that is a rhetorical question. I am sure every one (except Erik maybe) just nods, smiles and starts counting the minutes before it is time to leave.
The conversation went on where everyone shared their sterilization stories, if not of them, people they knew. The other pregnant lady remarked that she thinks she would be too afraid to do something so permanent. The only thing I added to the conversation was the reply “yeah, I wouldn’t”.
Crickets.
I think I am not alone in how baffling it is that people are so willing to speak about their contraceptive choices in such public forums. I mean, even without getting into the details of “we use NFP” or whatever, just making the statement “Oh no, I’m done! chuckle, chuckle” seems like such a bizarre, personal sentiment to announce among strangers. The first thing I read into it is ‘oh, these kids drive me nuts-you think I want more like them?” I really don’t mean to make the harshest assumption, and I know they are being “light”, but honestly, that is what I read mostly because I don’t know them. The other reason why I get this is people usually offer this information-I don’t ask because my mindset is never really in an “I’m done” place. I’ll be with other parents talking about the weather or whatever and hear “Wow, that’s some family you got! I wanted more, but then my kids drove me nuts and two was enough.”
“Oh”
Every time I get out in the real world, I am so baffled not by how common contracepting is, but how abnormal and counter cultural it is not to have thoughts of limiting your family size on the forefront of your mind. I am not accusing people of being ‘obsessed”, but it has become so common to talk about limiting family size, devices, prescriptions etc in the parking lot when I don’t even have these conversations with my mother. Why is that?
Why has it become acceptable for people to offer unsolicited advice about too many children, but never offer unsolicited advice about how to fix my van for cheaper? The second one is too personal I think.
