From the comment box
Would you be so kind as to discuss how you have taught very young children how to participate in the Mass without disrupting others or your own participation? We have two kids -- a boy 3.5 and a baby girl, and most of the time, I leave Mass feeling like I haven't been there yet, and my husband feels the same way. If he's not running our newly toilet-using son to the bathroom (who eliminated before we left home but still needs to go again before Mass is over), I'm out changing the baby's diaper. The "cry room" is packed with noisy children and their parents, who can neither see nor hear the Mass. And it seems like a counter-productive thing to do anyway, when we would prefer our children to participate in the Mass, at least at their level.
I have a ton of comments on this topic. I was at a Parish Council meeting about a year ago where they said they can understand parents with small children not attending Mass because they get nothing out of Mass. Huh?
First let me say, even when it seems like we are not participating at all in Mass or receiving graces, due to distrating toddlers, we are. My family attends the Traditional Latin Mass, where no one responds or replies, and the prayer is more internal. Even though we are not outwardly participating, graces are still received and participation is still mandatory. We never know exactly how God works on our souls in the Mass. So in my opinion, even though it may seem we are not attending Mass, we still are.
Second, teaching children to respect what goes on in Church starts at home in the Domestic Church. We all know tons of families that leave Church in Church, and never bring the faith to the home. Keep images of the Blessed Mother and Jesus around-I like those laminated prayer cards to show to kids. Say the rosary at some time in the day as a family if possible. With small children try 3 Three's-three decades of three Hail Mary's. My three year old runs around like a fool when we say the rosary, but one magical day, they are asking to lead a decade or in the Angelus. When they know that Jesus is to be shown respect all times, they will eventually know that the culmination of this is at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.
Expect age appropriate behaviour from the little ones. 3 year olds cannot sit still. I remember being that little and having no self control whatsoever. I remember one day not having any self control, and then one day saying "hey, I can sit still through Church". That was around Kindergarten I think. I am not a big fan of cry rooms, never have been. They are like prisons and give kids the excuse for a place to misbehave. When a child is disruptive, they should be removed so as not to disturb others, and to be taken out of the situation. But not taken out to be given license to misbehave. In other words attempts should be made to have them back in with the family whenever possible. My Fastolph will be 4 on April 22, and I am with you Sister, it is hard. We have spent Sundays where we were in the Vestibule about 95% of the Mass-LOL! It is espacially hard when the oldest is only 3...
Also, do not try to distract children away from the Mass, but distract them towards. Like do not sit there with toys (hard toys dropped distract others as well) and play with them or read books to them unless they are Catholic in nature some how (I do not read to them during Mass, but will flip through picture books). I try to bring things like religious picture books, wooden rosaries for babies, someone told me they have a small photo album filled with prayer cards. If they must bring a "secular" toy, it should be small, and preferably soft as not to make giant "thunks" when dropped during Mass.
Lastly, some practical tips. Do not take hungry children to Mass. Do not take children to Mass during nap times (unless of course you think they may sleep). Everyone must go potty before Mass. Teach children as early as possible not to cross in front of the Altar without genuflecting, to bless themselves with Holy Water, to genuflect before entering the pews-these things will stick with them, make them feel like they are participating (which they are), and teach respect for the True Presence. Dress nice for Mass. You do not have to go broke purchasing special Sunday clothes, but have "nice" clothes to show respect and to teach the little ones that they are in a place that deserves respect. Also, sometimes my husband will sit apart from us with the boys. Dad can have a very sobering effect on little boys while little girls like imitating Mom.
Know that this stage too will pass...FWIW, my kids have jumped over pews, crawled under them, have cried through Mass, almost knocked down Holy Water fonts-you name it! Knowing you are not the only one sometimes can be the biggest help-LOL!
UPDATE:I also forgot to add that Mass time makes a huge difference. When we attended the Novus Ordo Mass, we had the best success at the 7.30 AM Mass believe it or not. Why? The little ones were still groggy enough to not be in the mood to run around or to notice they are hungry yet, that Mass is usually the quickest, it is the smallest-not too many people to bother and less children to incite your children. That was just my experience anyway...
