Eloquent reflections from Alicia, Steven, and Steven's commenters (don't miss MLynn's comments) on taking little ones to Mass.
I wish I had something to add. Even when alone, I fall so easily into distraction and sloth at Mass, and now I am struggling with keeping my child from running berserk in the Church as well. For a while my husband and I took turns going to Mass, but we missed going as a family. We also suspected that leaving Hambet at home wasn't going to teach him a thing about behaving at Mass, and was depriving him of whatever baby graces the Lord has for His littlest ones.
It is getting better. Hambet is getting older, and that helps a lot. Having only a few rules, enforced swiftly and consistently, seems to help too:
Whisper voice!
Stay with Mommy and Daddy! (no running in the aisles)
and the newest, Sit on the seat! (no crawling under the pews)
Yesterday was a particularly bad day (three ejections.) I hate the feeling of the glares in my back: Why can't she keep that kid under control? Maybe I am just imagining that part, but I know Hambet has become widely recognized around the parish -- whever I attend Mass alone, people come up and ask me where he was!
And as I haul him out for the second or third time, I always see other little boys his age sitting placidly on the seats. Sometimes it's because they're munching their way through a bag of Cheerios, but often they're just sitting there. (I see this other places -- Hambet simply refuses to sit still and participate in organized activities, such as a story hour at the library. He'd much rather run around and check the place out.) I always wonder if I have an atypical child, or whether I'm just a bad parent....
He's just a happy, active kid, I wouldn't worry too much about it. It was like that w/ me and my brother too, my mom couldn't figure out why I was so content to just sit and amuse myself for long periods of time, while my brother needed constant attention because he wasn't happy unless he was crawling under or jumping off something. Just like adults, different kids have different energy levels and temperments... but that's half the fun! ;-)
From my perspective, you have a typical child - they have the atypical children!
Whenever I see a parent struggling with an obstreporous child at Mass, I always try to smile at them, to let them know that I at least am not upset.
I remember several years ago in Los Angeles, Father Ed Desoto saying to a woman who was getting ready to leave with her crying baby during the homily, "Sit back down. The baby does not bother me, she is one of God's children and so are you. So you don't have to leave just because the baby is fussing."
Thanking God again for our parish. I cannot imagine a parent being expected to keep a 2.5-year-old "under control" -- only to remove the child when needed, as you do (and the parish tolerance level seems to leave vigilant parents like you plenty of room for error.) We get smiles when he does something cute and age-appropriate, but if he continues cute, age-appropriate, and potentially disruptive behavior, we're off to the back or the lobby (of the elementary school where Mass is celebrated.)
I must admit, I wonder how my tolerance level has changed since becoming a parent and hanging around more somewhat older kids. There was probably a time when I thought kids Hambet's age (or size, since I'm still learning to tell!) and maybe even Davey's age should be much more self- and parent-controllable than God seems to have made them to be. I just didn't understand; maybe I should try to understand that in others who may assume we're neglecting proper discipline, even while I hope they'll be charitable and maybe learn more about the reality of toddlers?
As one of the head ushers at the National Shrine of St. Francis, where we get a lot of visitors with small children, I frequently encounter parents who are far too worried about disrupting things. I am much more concerned about some of our street people running up to the altar during mass than I am about some toddler who has just discovered the kneelers.
When Amália was really little (8 months) in Italy, she discovered the great echoes that could be made in a gothic cathedral. It got so bad that she started shouting "AH!" at the mere sight of a pointed arch. Fortunately she has outgrown that.
Hi! I can sympathize with you on this point. It is never easy to focus on Mass with kiddos around.
My question is dealing with a situation when your DH is out of town. That was me this last weekend. I felt I should still go, so I loaded up my three kids (ages 5,3, and 1) and went...I was miserable and embarrased! It was horrible! Ugh! I don't even want to think about it! We came home, they went to bed, and I sat with a cold soda and a candy bar! Is this a case when we would get a dispensation from our Sunday obligation? I definately know that if something were to ever happen to DH, I would be needing to get to Mass every weekend, but what about a occasional business trip? I didn't feel that ANYTHING was accomplished, including and graces recieved after Mass this weekend....:(
I like the way you give positive directions ("stay with Mommy and Daddy") instead of negative commands ("don't run around", "don't crawl"). I suspect the latter tend to keep one's kids thinking about how much fun it is to run around, crawl, visit, etc.
Phrasing directions in the postive is some of the very best parenting advice I've come across, and it has really helped. (I've also seen it in books on the spiritual life -- focus not so much on avoiding sin but on acquiring virtue -- "be chaste" instead of "don't have sex", for example)
It makes sense to give kids something to do instead of just telling them what not to do.
When I was younger I imagined trying to raise my kids Catholic as begging them to go to Mass and just not have sex before marriage or they'd go to Hell. I figured I'd put in a word against contraception too. But I just thought I was a weirdo for actually believing in all these "rules" and somehow expected that my kids could only be the same if I scared them badly enough and/or had weirdo kids by random chance. Something like that, anyway.
My own life has gotten a lot better since God helped me figured out that there's a whole life of virtue, and not just worldly life with a few extra requirements and prohibitions. If anything, I may be a little too confident that our glowing endorsement of the Catholic life (plus less glowing example) will ensure that our kids stay faithful and always respond to God's grace.
I think you're a bad parent.
;)