This is my usual mumbling over some issue and then trying to find a nice spot for sitting on the fence. Bobbi asks, in our comments box and on her own fine blog, how we handle the Santa question:
How do you allow them to use their imagination and enjoy make-believe stories and still let them know the difference between what's real (God taking the form of a baby and angels announcing his birth to humans on earth) and what's not (elves making toys in the north pole)?
And how I wish I had an answer! I am still mulling over how to handle Santa, and I wish my husband and I were in more harmony on this issue.
The two biggest objections to Santa seem to be that Santa tends to crowd out the Christ Child and that playing Santa involves lying to children.
At first I did not share these objections. My parents did Santa when I was growing up, and I always knew Who Christmas is really about. When I figured out that Santa wasn't real (by realizing his handwriting looked an awful lot like my mother's) I don't remember feeling especially traumatized by the discovery -- could it really be that big a deal?
But now I'm not so sure. I may have known Who Christmas is really about when I was a child, but there's a difference between knowing with the intellect and knowing with the heart. I've blogged before about the punchcard approach to the faith -- you go to Mass, sing a few perfunctory songs, and then rush home for the real part of Christmas: the presents. Perhaps too much emphasis on Santa (or on Papa Noel or whoever else brings the gifts) could so occupy a young child's hopes and emotions that there's not much energy left for the Christ Child. Little children learn by seeing and doing, and if 90% of what they see and do in the weeks before Christmas is Santa, Santa, Santa..... Even when they leave belief in Santa behind, will all they retain be presents, presents, presents?
As for discovering that Santa Isn't Real: Bobbi and La Famiglia Cacciaguida point out that if a parent first teaches a child that Santa is real, only to backpedal and say, no, Santa is make-belive, what is that going to do to the child's belief in other things that may seem make-believe but are actually real? Things like angels and the Real Presence? Especially when children might start figuring Santa out about the same time they are making their First Communions?
I have also talked to adults who do remember being disturbed to find out that Santa wasn't real -- and to adults whose preschool children are frightened by the idea of some man entering their house when everyone's asleep (perhaps it gets too close to fears of burglars and other intruders?)
Yet I am not ready to go No Santa Anytime Anywhere. Santa is everywhere, and I don't think it's fair to ask little Christian children to go around with their hands over their eyes, telling their little friends that We Don't Do Santa Because Santa is Evil. I don't like turning Christianity into the Religion of No -- we are not Puritans or Jehovah's Witnesses. Besides, everyone else in my family does Santa and I don't want to come off as attacking them (they already think I'm a religious fanatic) or unnecessarily exclude Hambet from the fun.
Plus, my husband is not ready to give up on Santa! I think part of the reason parents do Santa is that it gives them a chance to have a little fun, to play with -- and be generous to -- children.
I think I would like to take the approach of Santa Lite: allow Hambet to shake Santa's hand, learn the stories about Santa, and so on, but always with the knowledge that Santa is just a Really Fun Pretend. Perhaps we could also skip the trip to tell Santa about what we want for Christmas. Meanwhile, we will work on making a Nice Soft Bed for Baby Jesus (a friend of mine did this, and her preschool boys loved it! She does have a dedicated Baby Jesus, so that helped her avoid the problem Sparki ran into.)
As long as we're talking about Fun Pretends, I am pro-Tooth Fairy and detest the Easter Bunny. If we get the fun but non-pretend St Nicholas involved, it will be for oranges and chocolate coins in the shoes on his own feast day, and for his intercession. And I will not get into the "be good, Santa is watching you" thing at all. It's just too weird, and cruel for the littlest ones.
I've avoided this topic because it seems that most people are very defensive about their choice of Santa, yes or no. I've even seen it take on the "Us vs. Them" trap that most women cannot seem to avoid (eg, career vs. home moms, home vs. parochial vs. public schooling, bottle vs. breast feeding, cloth vs. plastic, and the list goes on and on ad nauseam).
This family tends to ride the fence on the issue. We never actually introduced Santa; he just appeared after play with neighborhood, school and church children. We adopted a "Sure, why not?" attitude. We don't emphasize the guy, but we don't say "Hey, those poor kids' parents are lying to them. Santa's bogus" either. After the questions came home, I started getting little stocking stuffers (literally) to be "from Santa." The "good stuff" is from Mom and Dad to celebrate Jesus' birthday.
We wink at Santa, pretty much. There are no gifts from Santa, and the stockings are laden with items from nobody in particular. But we "play the Santa game" and help the children buy gifts for needy children their own age. And when Zooey asked why some of his preschool classmates were expecting gifts from Santa and others weren't, we just told him, you know, some people really like playing the Santa game.
We told him if anybody asked what Santa brang him (or was bringing him), he could play along and choose a toy. So far, we haven't run into any major issues. Although the day after Christmas, he accused me of "forgetting" to take him to see Santa. I just laughed a little and said, "Oh, I didn't know you wanted to play that part of the game this year. Next year."
I hope we're handling it okay, because honestly, we're just sort of stumbling through the whole issue.
Argh, that should be "brought" not "brang." I'm too sleepy this a.m. to be commenting anywhere!
Why not play the "Santa Card" and use it to explain to the children who St.Nicholas was? It might be a nice way to tie it back into Jesus in the long run.There should be a way that you can explain the correlation between St.Nicholas,Santa and the Baby Jesus without seeming to backpeddle as it were.As long as the Kids know that Santa's Christmas is an extension of the true meaning, there shouldnt be any problem.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said
"My parents did Santa when I was growing up, and I always knew Who Christmas is really about." I wouldnt worry too much about it, you obviously seem to care, and have a strong sense of religion, i think your kids will be fine.
Ditto to what Steve said.
How can you hate the Easter Bunny? With a good marjoram/juniper/red wine/tomato sauce, he is delicious!