by Gail White
I'm driving through New Mexico, let's say,
facing the glories of the setting sun.
But just before I get to Santa Fe
there you are, stranger, with your ganglion
sized brain and SUV that weighs a ton,
paying no mind to sunset's golden crown,
but nitter-nattering ninety-nine to one...
so would you kindly put your cell phone down?
I'm dining out, which is the perfect way
to make the brain cells sing in unison,
relaxing with my Merlot and filet,
when there you are with that damn cell phone on
your ear, discussing how some game's been won
and whether stocks are up or upside-down.
You're sharing all your life with everyone,
so would you kindly put your cell phone down?
Haven't you noticed it's a lovely day?
The kind that makes you want to jump and run?
But even jogging you can't throw away
that cell phone, can you? Why, you've just begun
to give your boss a sales plan that will stun
competitors and make your rivals drown.
Look out, you fool, you're running down a nun,
so would you kindly put your cell phone down?
L'Envoi
Friend, I'm no longer saying this for fun.
Road rage has made me rampage through the town.
I'm out of Prozac and I have a gun.
So would you kindly put your cell phone down?
FWIW, if the person on the cell phone doesn't get shot, they might end up with brain cancer.
I would lay good odds that the person drinking a merlot with a filet would be rather inclined to be the person gabbing on the cell phone.
Not to say that all merlots are bad, because they are not, but it is often a "safe" wine of choice for the cell phone set.
"Nothing. What are you doing?"
"Nothing? Huh huh huh. It's like that Friends episode where Jerry told George..."
ACK!