I realized today why I stopped reading this genre of magazine. I was looking through the Parents Magazine website to read baby stuff, and I came across this article titled Are You A Discipline Wimp?, followed by the quiz Are You A Pushover Parent?
Please tell me I am not alone in that I would rather drink lava then read these articles. They go on to describe typical situations that happen when mothers are tired or fed up one night, and how doing the easy thing makes you a bad parent.
I was rushing to get dinner ready one night when I heard my son playing basketball in the living room. From the kitchen, I yelled, "You know the rules -- the basketball is an outdoor toy!""But, Mom, it's snowing!"
"I said stop it! You might break a window."
"I'll be careful!" he insisted.
You know what I did? Nothing. I just didn't have the energy for a fight, so I ignored the thump-thumping of the ball, focused on getting food on the table, and prayed that my son wouldn't smash anything.
Bad tactic. By wimping out, I may have avoided a conflict in the short run, but I was only setting myself up for others...
Yes I agree, bad move. Nevertheless, please, please don't tell me this woman, or ahem, me, are the only humans on the planet that have responded in such a manner when they are at the end of their rope.
For along time I avoided these publications after I had like three children, when life became less of "by the book" event and more of using what you had at your disposal to get by. The more I read, the crappier and guiltier I felt. It didn't occur to me until the last few days that perhaps there are very few people who feel good by reading articles with titles such as "Are You a Discipline Wimp?" These magazines seem to imply that good parents have homes that run smoothly despite any obstacle that may be encountered, and bad parents are the ones who are too emotional and barbaric to just react sometimes due to lack of sleep.
No, I am not saying there is nothing valuable about this type of magazine. I’m just not sure why it has taken me 13 years of being a mother to understand that being a mother does not mean being inhuman. I am also not sure why everything reinforces a stereotype that motherhood should mean superhuman unless it comes to abortion, birth control or returning to work and putting kids in daycare. Only in those scenarios do women get a pass for “doing what they can do”.
By the way, before any thinks my point is to advocate raising barbarians who I throw raw meat at and allow to swing from my ceiling fan; that is not it at all. When I was a new mother, I was more inclined to fall into the above trap with my oldest. As time went on, becoming not such a “discipline wimp” has become second nature. Believe it or not, there is a learning curve, like with everything else new. Not having it all down pat, the second you bring home baby #1 is also not indicative of being a horrible mother. It means there are new skills to be acquired.
I think it all boils down to choices, and one woman`s choices are not going to be the same as another woman`s, and someone is always going to call someone else`s choices wrong or poor.
I choose to let my kids eat in front of the TV, and almost never eat a family dinner together. I choose to go back to work fulltime, as soon as I can, and then I will choose to use daycare and babysitters as I did when I worked before. I choose to put our kids in Catholic instead of public school. And I choose to not discpline my kids for some things, and harshly discipline them for other things.
I have been berated for ALL of the above choices, at one point or another, and someone, I can still live with myself as a parent.
advocate raising barbarians who I throw raw meat at
And what is wrong with that? There is nothing cuter than the family pacing around the pit as the patriarch chooses which little lad eats and which doesn't by strategically tossing the meat. And the struggle over the prime parts is enough entertainment that you can get rid of all videos forever!
Please tell me I am not alone in that I would rather drink lava then read these articles.
Rest assured, Pansy, you're not alone.
I'd go even further: I would rather drink Coors -- from a can -- than read these articles.
By the way, I like the blog's new look!
I am so happy to hear someone else say this. I'm a mother of a nearly 2 year old and it seems like everything I do is "wrong".
The thing that gets me is the contradicting messages or the not so subtle insinuations that if your 2 year old has ever looked at any form of media his brain is going to expload and he will most likely end up a janitor at macdonalds.
I'd so love to read a magazine that encouraged rather than beratted. Actually, I find alot of good tips from mommy blogs.
if your 2 year old has ever looked at any form of media his brain is going to expload and he will most likely end up a janitor at macdonalds.
Which, of course, he will like, because the media want him to be happy being a janitor at mickey d's!
Of course I would rather my Amalia be a janitor at MacDonald's than go to Stanfurd (sorry, but it is Big Game week, however, my general view of "the Farm" tends to be pretty dim, so I would probably stand by that any other week, too).
I've been a parent for over 17 years, and a wife for nearly 20. Here's a tip: all of those articles are the same. They get recycled and updated, but they're all the same. Parenting, Parents, Women's Day, Family Circle--don't waste your time.
I have four kids and have run the gamut in the choices I've made, from exclusive bottle-feeding with one to exclusive breastfeeding, to toddlerhooe and co-bedding with another. I have worked/ not worked.
Now, come to my house and point out which kid had which.
You can't. This is my point.
Please tell me I am not alone in that I would rather drink lava then read these articles.
You most emphatically are not!!
And Lauren, should you happen to read this, I know just how you feel. When my eldest were little, I used to feel really downhearted by all the criticism.
It's horrible. One day, however, I decided that I wouldn't let these people destroy my joy in being a mother. There are lots of things that are hard about motherhood, but still, I am glad to have my four kids (so far).
None of our critics are or will be perfect mothers either.
And I loved Marcia's point.
The main thing is that we do our best to love them.