Last week, my brother said he watched an episode of ER in which Abby arranged for a woman to have an abortion because she had 5+ kids and she was so "run down". Her husband could not be convinced that birth control was bad and this poor women was reduced to a mindless breeding machine. Isn't it amazing how ER mirrors real life?
Months before I had Gorbulas, number 4, Andrea Yates tragically drowned her 5 children. This set a precedent that being a housewife, homeschooling, having so many children was a formula for mental illnness, murder, suicide or what have you. People continually started asking in hushed tones "are you alright?" It seems quite evident that only religious, homeschooling mothers with more than three children lose sleep, have controlling husbands, suffer from depression, are busy or are homicidal maniacs.
After I had Gorbulas I suffered from a bit of post partum depression and I believed it was my fault because I had 4 kids. Of course it was the end of January, and I always get a touch of seasonal induced depression at that time. But everyone was so worried, that must have been it. OK, I'm tired of it. I often feel the need to paint a picture for people that I am totally sane and capable-even more so than people who do it right and choose not to complicate their lives by more than one kid and keeping a career. I am woman, hear me roar. But that is not always the case either. So I have been thinking about my life lately and here are some of my very random thoughts on motherhood:
-I love having 5 kids. I want more because I cannot imagine my life without a baby around. They are a blessing.
-However, my homelife is crazy and it is driving me nuts. My two year old nibbled a hole in a bag of Cheerios before I got up like a mouse because he must have been starving to death. (I do feed my kids incidently).
-My boys never sit down quieltly.
-My daughter is such a good girl and I need to tell her that more. But when I am about to, she walks into a wall.
-I do not get out enough to do things just for me. I rarely spend money on just me. I have very little social life outside the home since becoming a SAHM.
-Although I think my lack of social life has as much to do with the fact that I do not like many people in real life than being busy with Mommy stuff. People annoy me-a lot.
-Would people annoy me so much if I weren't a SAHM? Probably not because I would view the world from a much more one dimensional perspective. I would vote democrat and wouldn't see a think wrong with ordaining women.
-My husband does not coerce me into having more children. In fact, from people I know who are open to life, husbands seem to worry more about numbers of children than wives.
-My kids drive me crazy all day.
-I don't think I would ever get to know my children very well if I didn't homeschool. I think I would view them as accessories in my life as opposed to my vocation.
-My doctor keeps asking me if I am getting enough sleep. The answer is "no". Do any mothers?
-My arms and shoulders ache all the time from holding the baby.
-I have great shoulders.
-There is nothing in the world as wonderful as co-sleeping with a little, snuggly baby.
-I need a 12 step program because I am so addicted to pinching plump baby cheeks and thighs.
-Babies rocks.
-Being able to nurse is a blessing.
-I hate how flabby I look after having Fedegar.
-Since none of my pre-pregnancy clothes no longer fit, I just had to go buy all new ones. Oh well.
-I had to swallow my pride and look for them a size bigger.
-They all have to have nursing access. All my clothes have needed nursing access since I've been married. A small inconvenience.
-I love to cook and am glad to have people to cook for.
-I hate to cook, these kids eat at least three times a day.
-I hate mornings. The boys wake up yelling. The baby cries. I need to cook and get dressed. I feel very overwhelmed in the mornings.
-My floors are always sticky because some one spills something at least once a day.
-When we go out, someone usually compliments my husband and myself about what a beautiful family we have.
-I get depressed sometimes because life is boring and the same day in and day out. I very badly want to get dressed up and be whisked away to somewhere with a black dress, perfrume and make-up.
-If I were not a married housewife, I know I would be depressed because I
would want to be. There are far worse things in life than monotony.
-My daughter tells me often how pretty she thinks I am.
-I cannot wait to be a grandmother and I daydream often about having lots of grandchildren and being an eccentric old lady. I want them to call me Suga Mama like on the Proud Family. And when I send them money for Christmas presents in cards, I am going to send it in obscure amounts like $17.97 (like a check for $17.95 and two pennies) so they will deliberate why I sent them that amount. I daydream about stuff like this often.
-My 5 year old is a handful. He cannot sit still, he is always trying to pick up women and he breaks things all the time. Sometimes I wish he had an "off" button.
-My 5 year old is so intelligent it is scary, and I think quite a few times a day that if he survives growing up and gets no one pregnant out of wedlock, he is destined for great things.
-I am sorry my husband only has time to work and come home-and go to the gym. On the other hand I'm not that sorry.
-The period of time that our children are small and need us goes by very fast. People think and act like once you have a baby, they will be needy three year old for the rest of your life. They grow up in the blink of an eye and you will cease to be the center of their world before you know it. It is a blessing to have little munchkins around who think so highly of you. It is an honor.
