I realized today why I stopped reading this genre of magazine. I was looking through the Parents Magazine website to read baby stuff, and I came across this article titled Are You A Discipline Wimp?, followed by the quiz Are You A Pushover Parent?
Please tell me I am not alone in that I would rather drink lava then read these articles. They go on to describe typical situations that happen when mothers are tired or fed up one night, and how doing the easy thing makes you a bad parent.
I was rushing to get dinner ready one night when I heard my son playing basketball in the living room. From the kitchen, I yelled, "You know the rules -- the basketball is an outdoor toy!""But, Mom, it's snowing!"
"I said stop it! You might break a window."
"I'll be careful!" he insisted.
You know what I did? Nothing. I just didn't have the energy for a fight, so I ignored the thump-thumping of the ball, focused on getting food on the table, and prayed that my son wouldn't smash anything.
Bad tactic. By wimping out, I may have avoided a conflict in the short run, but I was only setting myself up for others...
Yes I agree, bad move. Nevertheless, please, please don't tell me this woman, or ahem, me, are the only humans on the planet that have responded in such a manner when they are at the end of their rope.
For along time I avoided these publications after I had like three children, when life became less of "by the book" event and more of using what you had at your disposal to get by. The more I read, the crappier and guiltier I felt. It didn't occur to me until the last few days that perhaps there are very few people who feel good by reading articles with titles such as "Are You a Discipline Wimp?" These magazines seem to imply that good parents have homes that run smoothly despite any obstacle that may be encountered, and bad parents are the ones who are too emotional and barbaric to just react sometimes due to lack of sleep.
No, I am not saying there is nothing valuable about this type of magazine. I’m just not sure why it has taken me 13 years of being a mother to understand that being a mother does not mean being inhuman. I am also not sure why everything reinforces a stereotype that motherhood should mean superhuman unless it comes to abortion, birth control or returning to work and putting kids in daycare. Only in those scenarios do women get a pass for “doing what they can do”.
By the way, before any thinks my point is to advocate raising barbarians who I throw raw meat at and allow to swing from my ceiling fan; that is not it at all. When I was a new mother, I was more inclined to fall into the above trap with my oldest. As time went on, becoming not such a “discipline wimp” has become second nature. Believe it or not, there is a learning curve, like with everything else new. Not having it all down pat, the second you bring home baby #1 is also not indicative of being a horrible mother. It means there are new skills to be acquired.