Pansy: April 2004 Archives

I'm kinda bummed because I had such a nice time. Peony is even more lovely in person on the inside and out than she is on the Internet-although it is hard to tell what she looks like on the outside on the Internet because she types and you never get to see her. But she is quite pretty.

Lunch on Monday was so much fun. I get so lonely in real life, so it has been a long time since I did the normal Mommy get together. It was also nice to meet Davey's parents (and Davey) and KTC. It was neat to take all these great people out of the pseudo-fanatsy world of the Internet and know normal people do exist in real life. Also, Peony fed us quite well, and I had to use restraint to stop stuffing my face.

I cannot add too much to Peony's description. Gorbulas was quite out of sorts. I had hoped to be able to show off my adorable youngest, but he was mostly a disagreeable two-year old. I do not blame him. While adults like vacations, time-off, chsnges of scenary, toddlers thrive on routine and consistency. I do not think he understood in the least that staying at my father's apartment was a vacation and not a permanent life change. While I was bummed to come home yesterday, he just blossomed and was happy as a clam.

I am packing and heading out. My dh is on vaction this week and I am going to Virginia to visit my father. I do not remember if I had mentioned, he started a new job in DC in December, and commutes home to Albany on the weekends. He will be in Albany as usual this weekend, but as he is coming up we are heading to visit my mother-in-law first. She lives in a Philly/Trenton suburb in PA. Then Gorbulas and I will head down to Virginia for a few days and see him on Monday.

The highlight of my trip is I will get to meet Peony and Hambet, Davey, his Mommy and Daddy and Kathy the Carmelite this week. Not only that, but will get to call them by their real names.

In other news, yesterday I had my first ultrasound. I was having some sharp pains on my side, so the midwife was concerned I had a tubal. Deo Gratias, the little bugger is where he (or maybe a she, but he kept moving around and made it hard to get a heart rate, so it's probably a he) is supposed to be. These events bring out the worst of my Italian neurotic genes. I feel so out of control when it comes to my little unborn babies I guess because I cannot see that they are A-OK when things seem off. If it were just me, I could care less, and with my kids that are out already, I can see and communicate with them.

Yesteday was Fastolph's 5th Birthday (Thank You Peony). I tell ya, that little guy has come a long way. Although he is the one who has broken windows, has been saved just in the nick of time while trying to jump over the side of balconies, tries to pick up teenage girls, used to escape the house and run in the middle of the street, calls "da poh-weece" on his brother, pulls worms out and names them, he is just a cutey pie when he wants to be. My mother made him a special birthday dinner of hot dogs, french fries, salad, corn on the cob and cupcakes. He was quite thrilled, even though when she asked him what he would like for dinner he replied "egg, strawberries and cream".

Well, that's all for now. See ya when I come back.

Last night I was nosing around Lincoln's blog (Lincoln is Dinka's husband and Veronika's Daddy) and he has a permalink on the side labeled Haunting photographs and commentary of a motorcycle trip through Chernobyl. I decided to check it out. I think without even describing the site, one can say it is scary what happened there. It amazes me how people have the power to destroy not what we have now, but for generations to come.

When you enter a beautiful, traditional Church, the kind that has marble statues, a huge Suffering Christ behind the altar, the Stations of the Cross, the smell of incense and the Tabernacle obviously on the altar, very often you sense a strong presence of the Lord about you. Then we go home, and some of that diminishes just a little. Not totally, just not as strongly. After all, Jesus is Truly Present on the altar. Then I read about things like Chernobyl, or grosser things like how they found a lot of bodies under John Wayne Gacy's home, or the recent testimony in the partial birth abortion hearings and it almost seems some places or people or events seem to be almost void of God. Maybe not totally void, but how a lovely Church has a strong presence of God these places seem to be the opposite. It's like how could the God who created all of us and who has been so good to me have this happen if He was around? I know the answer is of course Original Sin, Free Will and all that, but these events just seem the opposite of God's beauty and love-like He was never there.

In my world these things do not happen, Deo Gratias. I place a lot of trust in God to keep us safe, keep us clothed, keep our bellies full etc. It may be naive, but I really believe He takes care of myself and my family. I often wonder by what events I have been so blessed to not be someone who lived around Chernobyl in the mid-80's, a child conceived to be aborted, someone born in Iraq or in a million other less than desirable circumstances. I wonder if my faith in God to take care of us is really God taking care of us, or simply just the luck of the draw that I was born in the time and place I was.

Sometimes I think that since I have it so good, I forget what effects my sins have on the world or just the people around me. Each week I go to confession and confess the same sins. Sometimes while I am on line I get very apprehensive because I went to the same priest last week, and confessed the same laundry list, and here I am again. I wonder if my life were not so good, and I had a true sense of what evil really is, would I not do better? Do not get me wrong, I am not looking for some evil thrill or some event to scare me straight. I am just thinking day in and day out, I make the same mistakes, and as I make them, I never have a sense of what I am really doing. Just going about my business. Many of us do not have actual visuals when we get lazy in our prayers of us insulting God at that moment, or if we get complacent about our housework for the day, we are teaching our children to be lazy in the long run.

Anyway, I would like to do better. I think I say that everyday, but it is true. I would like my home to be a place where God is more present than a God void.

Today (and the weekend) has been beautiful! Today went up to 80, but was very, very windy. Still I pulled out the grill and made sausage and peppers for dinner. The kids spent all day outside. It is nice to finally be warm.

there was an editorial by Ellen Goodman about how it is important to Catholics to vote following Catholic teaching-and somehow this is wrong:

Keep eye on Washington, not Communion

First published: Saturday, April 17, 2004
BOSTON -- What next? Will we have a political reporter to cover John Forbes Kerry at each Sunday Mass from now to November? Will there be a Holy Communion beat? A wafer watch?

You know, the things she is whining about are really none of her business. I was rather flabergasted because I would never tell someone they were wrong to vote along with their religious and moral conscience.

The second was John Fitzgerald Kennedy, who addressed the anti-Catholic prejudice in a campaign speech in 1960 when he said famously, "I do not speak for my church on public matters and the church does not speak for me."
Back then, most Catholics were relieved to break down the stereotypes about them as people who followed orders from Rome and weren't allowed to think for themselves.

I always say I hate when people think "it's all about their therapy."

I have blogged before about the almost cultish nature of some of the Catholic families around here. Right now I am so frustrated I can cry. Quite frankly, if a strange man knocked on my door and said "Hey, if you wanna move now, I got a truck ready, but you gotta go now!" I'd say "Yippee, let's go!"

There is a family (11 kids-about half range from age 21 to teens) that lives 5 minutes, if that, away from us, but do not associtae with us because my mantillas are too distracting and her sons might be looking at me. We are the cause of much scandal. They attend our TLM parish sometimes, sometimes they go to one 1.5 hours in the other direction. There is another family at our Church in which the woman was divorced (the story is her husband left her with 9 kids when she converted to Catholicism) and now she is remarried. Her children are almost all teenagers now. The wife of the first family took it upon herself to confront the husband of the second family that he should not have married his wife because she is not Holy and the children are bad blah, blah, blah. The first woman's daughter is also writing notes to other teenage girl's mothers saying that their daughters dress like sluts at Church (which the do not, they dress modestly, just not as extreme Puritans) and these girls should not be attending Church.

My family has been the receiving end of some of this gossip as well, but oddly it is never to my face like this. Even when we tried to confront someone, they had nothing to say, but of course turned around and told other people again, what is wrong with us.

Is this nonsense common in parish life? This is so unCatholic, in my opinion. People should be able to go to Church to worship without this sort of heartache. Did I miss the part when Jesus said our job was to go out and tell people not to get married or come to Church because they do not adhere to strange Puritan ideas not outlined in any Church teaching? But I think this is the story of this diocese. No leadership, no formation, so we make it up as we go along.

I went to the Easter Vigil Mass at my parents' Novus Ordo parish, and my feelings were I should have been shot before thinking yet one more time "oh maybe it won't be so bad." Do I have to go into how they turned the readings into a concert? Changed around the words to make them musical so they could be performed. Then the priest gave his homily about how this was the best Easter Vigil Mass ever, even compared to what they do in Rome, and we should appreciate the music ministry for their talent and creativity.

I am getting tired. There are things going on at home that are just really hard, and I go to Church to find solace in the Lord. I resent getting pushed around and finding out I caused some scandal this week because of some obscure point of my clothing after I already fretted over finding the most modest items in my wardrobe as to not cause scandal. Not one person will have a theological discussion with me, yet they all can tell I am a heretic because my necklace was too pretty or my top button was un buttoned.

But in regards to the the first story, I think these attitudes going unchecked can be very dangerous to our faith. Not that I can do much besides whine about it here to get it off my chest, and then pray very hard on it, but these things, besides being hurtful and annoying, scare me quite frankly.This type of thinking always seems to get a following. I also know the whole bit that the Church militant is not perfect because of Original Sin, and people will be people, all that stuff. But I am far from perfect, but I would not do this to people, and I think many normal people would not consider doing this.

Madonna: Friday Gigs Are Against My Religion
Deeply religious superstar Madonna will play no Friday night gigs on her upcoming world tour - because the teaching of the Kabbalah forbids it. The "Holiday" hitmaker has pledged to respect the Jewish practice of Shabbat, the religion's sabbath, by dining with her close family every Friday rather than working. And Madonna, who is married to British filmmaker Guy Ritchie, hopes her move with convince the world she is very serious about the mystical teachings of the Kabbalah. A source says, "This shows just how much Madonna is influenced by Kabbalah. She is completely focused on following her beliefs no matter what lengths she has to go to."

Why does Madonna need to "convince the world" how serious she is about Kabbalah? How can anyone be serious about Kabbalah anyway?

that consists of packets of seeds. My neighbor Norman came over and said he will be plowing today and tomorrow and if I wanted to plant a little garden or something, he will be more than happy to plow a spot for me. He said his wife planted peas this weekend, but they like the cold. He also said other than that, there is no hurry to plant anything for a while if he plows today because of the cold (except peas I guess).

He asked how I was planning on turning the soil because we do not have a nifty team like he does (he didn't say that, but I am sure he observed it) and I said I was going to build some raised beds. He thought that was interesting...I didn't want to speak too much because I know I sound like such an amatuer. The few things I did say I think it was because I heard Peony say them like "oh yeah, peas they like the cold..." Actually, I did know that one by some fluke, the rest was from associating with Peony.

there is a place in New Jersey on the shore called Cheesequake, NJ? Not Cheese-cake, or Earth-quake, but Cheesequake! Why would they name a place Cheesequake? And how come when people say to you "I went to Cheesequake this weekend," they say it with a straight face and never say "why is it named Cheesequake?" Was there like a Velveeta earthquake there once?
Update: One reader has written:

Dear Pansy,

After intensive research (well, Yahoo searching anyway), I can tell you that "Cheesquake" is apparently derived from a Lenni Lenape word "chiskhaki", which means "land that has been cleared".

Now you can sleep at night.

Cordially,
Robert Wenson
Lower Nazareth, PA (but born & raised in NJ)

Now we know!

I have been getting into the habit of going to my mother's once a week because she spoils me and helps with the children. I must really look as bad as I feel because she seems to take pity on me.

Anyway, tomorrow we are going over because the family is making the traditional Good Friday Grass Pies. I am hoping I feel up to not only attending Stations of the Cross, but attending and having the energy to deal with the kids at Church.

I hope all my pals at St. Blog's have a Holy Triduum and a Happy Easter.

Bettnet blogs about Fr. Minkler's death being ruled a suicide-sort of.
Here is an article from The Wanderer about some of the events that happened prior to Fr. Minkler's death.

I am tired of living in a "strange things going on" diocese. I want to live in a normal diocese with lots of pretty Churches and less folk music and manly priests with lots of places to go to Adoration.

and I read them with envy and they inspire me to buy packets of seeds and piles of lumber for hubby to build my raised beds, I woke up yesterday morning to more snow falling. I am starting to think I am living in Narnia! No it did not stick, just snowed all morning and was cold. If I planted anything, I would not have "instant gratification" that Peony experiences, just little dead things in the ground. Today seems a bit nicer though.

In the meantime I am extremely "jet lagged" without the jet ove rthe clock change on Sunday. I am still and hour behind and getting everything done late. We are eating dinner at like 7 and it is still bright out until nearly 8. Gorbulas does not want to go to sleep at night but run around like a nut. I tried to put him in bed with me last night. I closed my eyes to fall asleep and he laid there and giggled. I made my husband remove him which Gorbulas was cool with.

Well, I cannot complain. It's not like I was in Atlantic City trying my hand at winning millions.

"I want a baby sister. I am going to take care of her and she's going to sleep in my room."

Pope Urges Weekly Confession
The Pope Says Don't Do THIS on Sundays

One thing I never understood about the whole NFP philosophy is the whole "working with God to postpone children" thing. Now I am not arguing that if you use NFP for a "grave" reason as they say, that it is wrong, or anything like that. I am not debating Church teachings. I am just not Moral Theology Woman on this point and I can spend hours going around in circles wondering "Well, OK, using NFP is working with God, but is not using NFP not working with God?" It's like which came first, the chicken or the egg? Or what would have happened to Colossus' little sister Illyana if she didn't spend those 7 years with Belasco? Would her powers still developed and would she still have died from that mutant virus? Would Colossus still have turned into a brooding angry guy? These things can fry your brain.
So I am thinking about how society has these check points that tell you if it is OK to have another baby such as temperment of the parents, finances, room-all that stuff. They make perfect sense. Logically, I should never have had another child after Fastolph. But I did.
So if logic tells us that I should not have had another child prior, once that extra child is here, it is very hard to argue that should not have been here (chicken and the egg again). My little Gorbulas is such a joy to have around and I cannot imagine life without him nor is there any doubt he should have been here.
Right now he is at that stage where he says a new word each day. He is just as cute as a button. The funny thing is he wants to be taken seriously but he is so short and has such fat cheeks and he is always taking his clothes off. How can you take someone seriously who is walking around wearing nothing but socks and dinosaur slippers?
So I do not understand, if we use NFP because logic dictates we do, but we ahem "oops", is that still working with God's plan or does God change His plans around? Oh well, it is a good thing I do not apply to be Dr. Janet Smith's assistant.

I can use some prayers. The past few months my life has been one thing after another, and I suppose from the outside it could be deduced I am a chaos addict or something, but I swear the calmer I try to keep things, the more they explode. I do not know what I am doing wrong anymore. Well, I to take a stab at it, I have been mediocre in my attempts at a great many responsibilities. But I feel like I am being pulled thin is so many directions and just squeaking by in all my responsibilities, but not getting one done really, really well. I wish I could take a break from life for a bit.